Rant: Friend's lack of planning for cat is becoming my problem (LONG.)

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but have you reached out to DH’s brother and explained the problem? He might be able to get Jenn to take action regarding the cat or help out – her cat is more his responsibility that it is yours, imo.

Post # 4
1719 posts
Bumble bee

Can her boyfriend take the cat? It makes sense for the cat to go to him now, if it can be done.

Post # 5
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Minnow:  what an awful situation for you to be in. I don’t really know what to do expect take the cat to her house and leave it. I am an animal lover also, but you didn’t chose to get this cat. Take the cat to get house, leave it there and it’s her problem to deal with it. You’ve tried asking nicely and she hasn’t done anything about it, I know you want to keep a relationship, but SHE has put you in this position and she needs to be told to grow up and take responsibility for HER cat.

Post # 6
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Minnow:  …I know exactly how you feel.  A friend of Mr. 99’s took on a puppy, she took it because the farmer was going to kill him and his brothers, they were the product of a neighboring Great Pyrense ruining his champion Golden Retriever (his words, not mine)  so all three of the puppies from the litter were rescued by locals, one of them being this young woman.

It was apparant early on, this dog was going to be ENORMOUS, and since she lived in an apartment, with her mother, the puppy needed a new place to stay…cue Mr. 99.

This woman assured him over and over again that as soon as she moved out and into her own place that she would come for the dog, said she would pay for food, vet bills…blah, blah blah….

That was 9 years ago, and Mr. 99 has never recieved so much as a phone call from this woman asking how this dog she reportedly loved was….he’s gorgeous, sweet, arthritic and weighs over 100 lbs and I wouldn’t let that woman take him from me if she had an army, he’s ours.

If it were me, I’d leave this lady alone, she’s got no ability to deal with this right now, and the cat…well, if it were me, I’d look for a local ranch or agricultural property and ask them if they needed a barn cat…from the things the cat does, it sounds like a good fit AND the barn doesn’t have rats…rock on.

Either way, I hope it works out and I’m really sorry you’re in this position, you tried to do a good thing and it worked out badly.


Post # 7
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Minnow:  Honestly, I wouldn’t get rid of the cat yourself, as I’m sure her name is on all of it’s vet records etc. and who knows what legal issues would ensue…

I would continue to give her plenty of notice on your moving date, and if she is unresponsive or won’t take it back I’d seriously just show up to her place and drop it off. Or ship it there. There is no way I’d let her make that my responsibility.

Post # 9
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Where is your husband’s brother?  Can he take the cat when you move?

Post # 11
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Minnow:  Ah, true, you did mention she’s across the country…that’d be quite difficult then. I’m sure she is busy and all, but she seems to have no interest in the cat at all so I don’t think she would care if you gave it away, but I’ve just seen these things do a whole 180.

The person shows little to know interest until you take care of it yourself then they are all up in arms about how you “wronged them”. I just wanted to make sure you’d have the “legal right” to give it away so no unexpected issues come up about it.

Post # 12
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Are there any other friends and relatives of hers who could take the cat at all?

Post # 13
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Minnow:  Through her behavior she’s pretty much abadoned this cat with you.  It sounds like she can barely take care of herself, much less a cat.  And if it’s been with you for over a year and a half, it’s a good bet she really doesn’t want it back because she’s no longer bonded with it.  (Plus, if it’s such a naughty cat, that may be another reason for her not to want to deal with it.)

She knows when D-Day is and if she hasn’t contacted you to set up plans by January 1 then you need to find an alternative that you can live with.  Maybe a posting on Craigslist with a re-homing fee and a bare honest explanation of the cat’s behavior will encourage someone with a good heart to adopt it.  I agree with Nona that as a last resort, he sounds like a good outdoor mouser cat and it may not be too difficult to find someone willing to take him on in that capacity.

Post # 14
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Minnow:  Your friend  seems incapable of figuring out what to do with the cat; because of that, I would continue with what you are doing – give her the month to figure it out but also tell her that the cat will be rehomed.  I’d not wait any longer to find the cat a home; my guess is had your building allowed it, you’d have that cat for its entire life.  


Post # 16
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Minnow:  To be honest, if she doesn’t respond, you will either have to dump the cat on a close family member of hers, or rehome it. I don’t see any other option.

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