Post # 1
My FI and I have decided against a large wedding for monetary reasons as well as personal preference. We are not inviting any friends (not even our very closest and best), as a way to establish a clear boundary.
We’ve received some resistance. Ironically, our closest friends are actually very accepting of our wedding plans. However, other friends, are not. From comments such as “I guess I shouldn’t have invited you to our wedding” to “But I’m pretty much your family, too” and “But I really want to come”–I’m reaching my limit.
Though I would never say this for fear of hurting feelings, I am confused as to why these friends feel entitled to invitations. My big complaint comes from the fact that these are the very friends who never respond to dinner outtings or show up to our holiday parties. To me, it’s actually more meaningful for friends to get together and socialize. I always end up seeing the same faces as the same events: engagement parties, bridal/baby showers, and weddings. Is that meaningful???
To be honest, we might have a bigger wedding if friends actually made the effort to get together outside of these events. But they don’t and I don’t want to shell out all this money for friends I only see at others’ events. Furthermore, I’d hate for someone to show up to my wedding out of obligation. Just because my dinner party might be through Evite doesn’t mean nothing. I am really confused as to why people expect invitations when they constantly blow off other social engagements. Is it just about the bragging rights of being invited?
Anyone else in the same boat?
Post # 3
With your wedding being over a year away, I would just shy away from the guest list question all together. It’s rude to demand an invitation like they are, but you could just cut it off by saying, “well, we haven’t even started a guest list!”
Post # 4
@ScreenName: I think some people just enjoy weddings, honestly. My sister had a lot of “Friends” like that at her wedding. I mean, she never socializes with these people, but they invited her to theirs so she felt obligated.
I also think that we all have fairweather friends, the ones who are our friends when things are going well and happy (weddings, babies, etc) but are nowhere to be found when things get hard or even just ho hum.
Personally, I’d go against the large wedding, too. But that’s a personal preference. I’ve always found smaller weddings to be more fun.
Post # 5
@stuckinwonderland: That’s nice to hear. I’ve never really been to a small wedding, so it’s refreshing to hear someone say something positive.
Post # 6
We are having a very intimate wedding and ran into the same thing…we have a good bit of family and only about 25 friends are invited…making a total of 50! I explained as politely as I could that we wanted something very small and intimate and that we didn’t want to go into our marriage in debt. We are paying ourselves and we scaled down the list to people we have at least had contact with in the last year! That isn’t too much to ask and you find out who your friends are really fast…we also went by who responded to dinner invites, etc. Not who showed up at the latest party. Good luck, stick to your guns. In the end…the day is about you and your FI and what you want. 😉
Post # 7
Sounds like these are acquaintances, not friends.
No need to indulge their little fits. It’s not your lot to feel bad about wanting something intimate no matter the reason, and it’s not your job to make them feel better if their events were not similarly intimate.
Post # 8
My husband and i had no friends just our parents and siblings. It was perfect and not overwhelming. Plus its about you not everyone one else. Web cam it if they want to attend.