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I would totally be livid. How can you buy for someone else's event, unless you know exactly what you're looking for?
However, as an unrelated party, I am a teensy bit amused. I guess that she was so excited?
Wow that is tough. But it's your day and you have to tell her that you wanted to make those decisions. It was a nice gesture but it seems like she s planning her dream wedding.
You are not overreacting and I would be angry too. Your Mom clearly meant well, but she really overstepped her bounds. It is awesome that she wants to be so helpful, but she needs to know that she should always consult you and your FI before making any purchases, particularly something as big and personal as the dress. I am afraid I don't have any advice on how to handle this, but I wanted you to know that I totally understand where you are coming from.
Thanks for the feedback ladies...I mean how did she expect me to feel? Oh and did i mention that she also bought my FI WEDDING ring because she also thought it was cute and she didn't even know his ring size? I definitely made her return that! I mean come on...i love my mom dearly but back up lady!
I think it's annoying but not necessarily selfish. It sounds like she just wanted to do everything she could for you. Sure, she didn't execute things well but I think her heart was in the right place.
What on earth!? Did she have a wedding? Surely her mother didn't buy her dress! So why would she think that she ought to buy yours? I think you're being very gracious by accepting any of the things she bought, but at very least you need to be able to choose your own dress...
Wow. I'm so sorry you have to go through this ... 
Maybe it's time for a serious talk with your Mom? You said you had always gave into her wishes and well, maybe she thinks you give in cause you normally want what she wants?
I hope all of that stuff can be returned.
omg!!! i will freak out... my mother taste is i soooo different than mine... i will loose my patient and will freak out screaming and cursing... so dont worry you are not over reacting... talk to your mom and be clear to her ... i will tell my mom that if she dont back up of the buying and planning she will be out of all the planning... i know that is rought but like i said thats me...
good luck...
Um, you are definitely not overreacting. In fact, I think you handled it well. I probably would have made her return EVERYTHING!
I'm currently living out of the country too and I can kind of relate. My mom and I are on totally different pages on wedding plans. On the flip side, I think it was very sweet of your mother to be so involved in the wedding process. You'll see things in a whole new light if/when your mom has absolute no interest in your big day.
Although I understand that it would be annoying as heck if my dreams were pushed aside for hers on our wedding day, it seems like your mom really meant well. Perhaps you can communicate your wishes/ideas/visions for the wedding and ask her to maybe not purchase everything before talking it through together.
Regarding her response to you, I can't say it's really selfish or controlling. I think she was just overly excited then hurt by your reaction to her enthusiasm. I'm sure that's all she sees it as, enthusiasm. At the same time I think she REALLY needs to start listening to what you really want and what's going to make you happy on your big day.
You dealed with it better than I would have! Things would be flying if I was in that situation.
I do understand both sides of the coin and I am glad that she is excited and wants to be really helpful. I don't think it's selfish that she bought the things, I think it's selfish that she won't even participate now that I've decided not to wear her dress. That's what bothers me the most! Most girls I know feel that it's very important for their mothers to be a part of the dress picking process. It's not like I have any sisters or anything that can go it's always just been me and her. I understand that her feeling may be hurt but I tried to put it to her as delicately as possible. Besides, like I said when she presented it to me she said she had planned to sell it anyway. I just wish she could put her feelings aside and see the bigger picture for once. It's just so frustrating...
While I think it is great that your mom is so excited and wants to help, I also think that she overstepped the line by purchasing all of those items without any feedback, well, participation from you. It's also amazing how quick people can be at overreacting and then taking things to the opposite extreme. I hope that with some time to think about how things unfolded, she is able to see your side of the situation and remember what she said to you about the dress. I'd give it a couple of days and then try to talk to her again, and maybe even offer up very specific things you'd like help with, hopefully moving forward from there.
wow. i wouldn't call it selfish, but more like total micromanagement. NOT cool!
Maybe you could write her an email or letter so that you can explain your position to her without her interrupting and without either you or her getting all emotional. Start by telling her how much you appreciate her help so far. Maybe you could pick out one of the things she did that you particularly liked and compliment it. Tell her you're very sorry for how things have fallen apart between the two of you (notice you're not apologizing for anything you're done, just saying that its a bad situation currently). Say that you while you're thankful for her help, that you also need to be a part of the planning process for your own wedding. Tell her that its really important to you that the two of you be able to work together and you're really hurt that she won't participate anymore. Tell her that weddings should be a positive time for mothers and daughters and you just want to put the whole fight behind you and move on. Don't mention the dress at all. At this point it might be better to just go dress shopping yourself and keep your mother out of it, unless she apologizes and acknowledges how out of line she's been. I went dress shopping by myself, and I actually liked it because I could focus on getting a dress I liked rather than being swayed by other's opinions.
Doing something like that might smooth over this particular fight and help you get through the wedding. However I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that your mother may not be able to be a part of the planning process without controlling every aspect of it. I don't know how she is normally, but this could be a good time to start setting boundaries for her. Otherwise what will be next, will she insist on naming your children too? It may be tough, but if you can walk the line between telling her that you love her and value her opinion, while still insisting that your opinion matters too, then it will be better for the both of you in the long run.
I'm sorry this is happening :(
woow thats just crazy. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart to her and explain that you are also excited and its your wedding so you want to make the decisions about things. That you really appreciate her help but that she is taking all the excitement away from you and thats just not fair. Wow I'd be so mad if I were you sheeesh!
I think you are handling this pretty well. That said, I don't understand why you expect her to act any different than she ever does. You said it yourself,
"Keep in mind that I'm an only child and I've pretty much always done what she's asked of me so I don't understand why she won't let me have my moment!!"
You've always done what she wants, so why would she think you would stop now? She's never had to see the big picture, so why start now? If anything the wedding is more important to her than any old thing, so she is going to be even more trying to run the show. If you want her to stop micromanaging, you're going to have to be really persistent in setting your boundaries in the future...but it is definitely possible.
Wow, that's so....bizarre. What she did was totally out of line. I can't even imagine how she thought it was appropriate for her to pick out all of those things without your input. I would be pissed.
Oh wow. Totally not OK. I'd be livid too. While she may not be acting selfish because technically she was doing these things for you, I do think she's acting self-absorbed by not even considering what you and your FI want before doing these things. Seems like she's in her own little world where it's OK to just do everything for the wedding without your input or approval, and that's just completely controlling and deluded even - I mean, if she honestly thought you wouldn't be upset about the fact that she gave you no input on key factors of your wedding, she is completely delusional. The fact that she's acted like this your whole life is still no excuse for this. And she's acting like a baby now that you won't do things exactly her way. That's terrible. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!
It's nice that she's so excited about your wedding to buy all that stuff, but I would be totally livid if I were you. I think you handled it pretty well! If I were you I would keep repeating myself over and over that you are going to pick your own dress shoes and jewelry and from here on out all purchases will be made by you. Keep repeating over and over.
Wow not cool at all. I would be LIVID if my mother picked out anything for my wedding without consulting me first...especially MY DRESS AND SHOES! Also the FI's ring...WTF. I think you should be honest and tell her she is hijacking your wedding. It's fine to help with buying small things (thank you cards, gift holder, guest book) but other things like centerpieces, your rings, attire...ridiculous. Also call her out on acting like a child by not going with you to pick out your wedding dress. I know she is your mom and trying to be helpful but I've had to call my mom out on acting like a baby twice now. She told me I shouldn't even have a wedding because we aren't having a head table (we are having a sweetheart table instead) and again when I explained there would be no toasts from the BM (FI's dad) and MOH (my sister) b/c BestMan is shy and has anxiety ... I don't want him to feel uncomfortable doing it and it would be weird if only MOH said speech...so we nixed it and apparently that means we shouldn't have a wedding. UGH. Mothers can't live with 'em can't live without 'em...unless it comes to wedding planning.
I got mad when I saw that she bought your invitations- I almost lost my mind when I saw that she picked out your DRESS!!!?!?!
I don't have any advice for you. But you are NOT overreacting.
OMG I can't even wrap my brain around this. It's just nuts.
You could try to explain to your mother that it was wonderful how she went ahead to help you out and purchased everything, but that one can't purchase memories. She essentially robbed you of forming stronger bonds and having wonderful memories of the time leading up to your wedding. You could say to her that you had really hoped that the two of you could have a beautiful mother-daughter experience finding the perfect dress for you on your wedding day. You could say that it would have been one of your most precious memories. Same with going with your FI to choose his wedding ring. It would have been so sentimental for you to have experienced all this, but now nothing's left for you to do.
Also, you could explain to her that a lot of couples end up using their wedding preparations as a time to see how they deal with conflicts and compromise; it sets up a good foundation for your marriage. Your mom robbed you of the chance to set budgets with your FI, to resolve differing tastes, etc. etc.
It is not the destination, but the journey.
I second lucytoo. She said it perfectly.
BUT, I also think that you need to be a little firm with her and tell her that all wedding purchased need to be approved by you. She should also know that she can't just go buy your flippin' wedding dress without even asking you! I know it's coming from a good place, but that's just, umm ... a little insane.
Wow.
It sounds more like she's trying to relive her youth and steal your moment than being supportive and helpful.
I would be furious as well, but since she is your mom, and depending on your previous relationship with her, you probably need to approach it differently than if it were someone else. Like I said, I don't know how your relationship with her is/was but hopefully you can get your point across in a way that won't totally ruin it. She definately needs to re-think her actions though, as they are out of line and just plain weird IMO.
To me that sounds really wierd. I mean, it may never have crossed her mind that you would want to pick out everything for your wedding? Maybe she was sad or lonely since you were gone & went wayyy overboard & if she had the money to do so, maybe that was her way of dealing with things? Or out of excitement that her only child is getting married? I don't believe she should have done that, especially without asking if you even like what she got, but I can see how a mom may feel like she's helping so you don't have to do the crazy planning. She may be afraid that she's "loosing you" to your fiance & she's trying to impress you? There may be an underlining issue that she's dealing with because what she did is extreme.
What LUCYTOO said, sounds perfect. Good luck!
Wow, she just really wants you to be happy I think. I think she just misses you like crazy and wants to fill the void, but the wedding dress, um yeah too far, the ring, a bit too far. This is really the last thing she'll be able to do for you before you are a married woman and I just think she wants you to know how much she loves you and misses you (which it sounds like you do).
Just remember that it is your special day. Not your mom's special day. She should be happy for you. Just explain that she is your monther and she always will be but choosing a dress it your choice.
Lucy said it beautifully!
Im my opinion... you have every right to be stark raving mad... I would be.
WHOA. I'm sorry that I didn't read the entire thread, so maybe someone said this already - but are you feeling forced to compromise? Maybe you could wear her dress during the ceremony and your choice during the reception (or vise versa?). Or if it's informal, wear her dress to rehearsal dinner?
Either way, you are NOT over reacting. I'm an only child too and have the "just trying to make my parents happy" default attitude, so maybe these suggestions help.
Yikes though, I'm sorry you're having such an unhappy planning experience!
I think this literally takes the award as the most insane think I've ever seen on this board. No you are not over reacting. And honestly I'm guessing that your mom has some serious control and ego problems.
Actually, the only thing that I can think of that's similar to this (almost the same as this) is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Remember how the character's family get the invites, the BM dresses, her wedding dress, and everything else without even consulting her? And she wasn't even overseas!
But then again...that was just a movie...
Maybe it's a cultural thing? I'm trying to find a silvery lining here...
Wow your mom is really way too excited. I totally understand how you feel & you have the right to be upset, but just take a step back and try to remember she wouldn't be this excited if she didn't love you so much.
If you haven't already, maybe talk to your dad to see how you can make her take things back without hurting her feelings? Let her know you love her & appreciate what she's done, but you need to make these decisions on your own because it is your big day.
My jaw is on the floor. That's just.................... I don't have the words. There's a boundary between excited and...... that. Sooooo over the line. It sounds more controlling than anything else.
Mom's are excited, I get that. But what about waiting for you to get home so you guys could do these fun and exciting things together?! I would love for my mom to be more involved, but if she ever pulled that kind of stunt, heck ya everything would be heading back to the store! Talking to your dad is an excellent suggestion. If it were me it would be really difficult to be diplomatic in a situation like that, so kudos to you.
I hope it all turns out well for you guys. It's going to be tough few days, but you need to set some boundaries with your mom and establish some rules. I had to do that with FMIL when she suggested we go dress shopping before I was even engaged.
I completely understand why you're upset. I would be too. But in your mother's defense, I'm curious. How involved was she in her own wedding planning? Before I started my planning, my mom told me that since she planned her wedding long distance, her mother planned the entire thing expect for the dress. I don't know if that was normal for their generation, but maybe that was normal then and that's just what she thought you would want.
I say, let her know that you apprieciate all the help, but you were really looking forward to going dress shopping with her and while you won't eliminate the dress she chose yet, you want to see other options as well.
WOW.
I'm so sorry to hear about that. It's one thing to help. a completely different thing to do what your mom did.
Good luck with everything, I hope all else goes well for you!
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Ok, ladies I am pissed beyond belief! Straight to the point...I'm currently living overseas with my FI, we'll return to the states in May for the summer. Fortunately we were able to take a trip back home for the holidays for a couple of days. My mother has been a big help in helping to secure the venue however, she got a little excited and decided to buy a ton of stuff without us even talking about it. Keep in mind my mother and I have different tastes and I was going for a certain theme. To my surprise when I arrived home she had already purchased:
the invitations
the table linens(which are not even the right color)
the programs
My jewelry(i don't even have a dress yet)
MY shoes
the guest book
the flower girls headpiece
the gift box
the thank you cards
the favors
the centerpiece decorations
and last but not least....MY FREAKING WEDDING DRESS!!!
Mind you she did not consult me for anything...my tastes, preferences nothing...Although i was completely overwhelmed i graciously accepted everything except for the shoes and the dress. I mean are you kidding me? I don't even get to pick my own wedding dress? She had picked EVERYTHING else. When she presented the dress to me she blindfolded me and then made the disclaimer that she knew she had messed up she was going to fix it buy selling it. So all was well until I arrived back overseas and then the pressure came about the dress. Keep in mind she only bought the dress because she thought it was cute and it was on sale and fyi it's about 3 sizes too big. So she thinks I should wear the dress just bc she purchased it and that I'm being unreasonable bc I don't want to wear it. I explained to her that every girl dreams of her big day and I would prefer to pick my own dress as I will be the one wearing it...she tried to guilt me into wearing it, then the anger came then she finally decided that she didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore so since I can't wear her dress maybe I should ask someone else to go dress shopping with me when I return home. She said she won't be able to give me any positive feedback because she will be biased...WTF? Are you freaking kidding me? How selfish and controlling is that?
Keep in mind that I'm an only child and I've pretty much always done what she's asked of me so I don't understand why she won't let me have my moment!!
I am freaking livid right now....Am I overreacting?