Post # 1
I wonder if any of you waiting bees, or engaged-after-a-lot-of-waiting bees, can relate to this.
My friend just got engaged. She’s known the guy for 3 weeks. He is not only her first boyfriend, but also her first kiss and the first guy she’s ever been on a date with. That’s weird, but not my problem. Yet, for some reason, when she posts all over facebook (as she is apt to do almost daily) about how their love is so special and that she is marrying her best friend, my response is:
I couldn’t figure out why it made me so angry, but I think I’ve gotten to the root of the problem: it makes me feel like my efforts to grow a relationship with FI are invalid. I didn’t have many romantic dreams as a child, but one was to truly, honestly marry my best friend. I swore I’d never get engaged to a guy I’d dated for less than a year. FI and I were best friends for 10 months before we even started dating. He’s the only “best friend” I’d ever had. (I have a best girl friend, now, but that relationship grew after I met FI.)
I’m embarrassed by these feelings, but honestly, whenever I hear about her and her “best friend” I just want to stamp my feet and say, “Shut up. He’s not your best friend. He’s a total stranger. You can have ‘love at first sight’ all you want but do not say you are marrying your best friend. You are marrying a stranger!” I don’t even want to go to their wedding. (It’ll be in early March.)
Geez. How old am I?
Does anyone relate? Have similar experiences? Or just want to say some encouraging words to help me get over this childish issue?
Post # 3
3 weeks? First boyfriend, first kiss?
I fear your friend is in for a world of hurt, and she’ll need your shoulder to cry on soon. I also think you’ll be there for her and genuinely want the best for her.
But for today, you are entitled to feel as hurt and angry about it as you can muster, because any engagement in our social circle is hard on a long-waiting bee, especially ones that take you by complete surprise, and even moreso, when they seem like they shouldn’t have happened at all due to the circumstances.
I wouldn’t compare what others say about their relationship to your own. I mean, look at Kim K’s wedding to Kris Humphreys. That was just a mockery of marriage, in a way. But it doesn’t really affect us. She just seems to have no idea what she’s doing, in the love arena, kinda like a newborn lamb I guess. But I’m sure she made lots of proclamations about them knowing each other so well and being so close and so forth. Maybe he also was her “best friend”? But it doesn’t matter… it just doesn’t. People can say what they want about their relationships… it can’t cheapen yours.
Post # 4
Yeah I think you are entitled to feel however you want about this, but probably more than anything what you feel is that she is being completely ridiculous.
I always tell my friends that I don’t think you make a big commitment with anyone that your relationship with is shorter than your relationship with things in your refrigerator. That isn’t to say that love at first sight doesn’t exist or that you can’t know very quickly, but this seems unncessarily fast.
Somehow I don’t think this relationship is going to get to the actual marriage stage, but if I were you I would just ignore it.
Post # 5
If it makes you feel any better, this is VERY likely going to be a total train wreck in the end. At that point you will feel very smart and confident that the love that you and your best friend took the time to nurture is better than this counterfeit romance she is in.
Post # 6
There is nothing invaild about being mature about a relationship.
Post # 7
Why feel bad? A 3 week dating before engagement doesn’t necessarily give off the “it’s gonna work”vibe. Would you rather be in a lasting relationship that takes a bit to get the ring, or one where you get the ring quick and have a MUCH higher risk of the marriage failing?
If anyone, I feel bad for her. She doesn’t have a CLUE what she’s getting into
Post # 8
Can I ask how old your friend is? I can’t imagine getting engaged to anyone after knowing them for less than a month. That is mind-boggling.
Post # 9
My husband and I got engaged after three days.
He was my second boyfriend. He was my first kiss (and first everything after that).
You can’t judge someone else’s relationship. You took different relationship paths, but that doesn’t mean one path is better than the other. What works for them may not be best for you and what works for you may not be best for them. Get off your high horse.
Post # 10
@stargazer102706: She’s only 18. I think the guy is in his mid- or late-20s.
Post # 11
@gangqinjia: I am just sitting here shaking my head. FI is looking at me all confused lol. I don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would do such a thing. FIRST boyfriend, FIRST kiss, and engaged after 3 weeks at EIGHTEEN. I think my brain might explode…
Post # 12
@lotto: I always tell my friends that I don’t think you make a big commitment with anyone that your relationship with is shorter than your relationship with things in your refrigerator. Can I get a like button, times 1 million? AMAZING advice.
Post # 13
Wow. I read this and thought, “3 weeks? First kiss? First person she’s even been on a date with? It just gets worse …”
I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s just … Bizarre.
I don’t believe in love at first sight, and I’m sure your friend won’t either once the stars in her eyes fade and she figures out that maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all.
I will say, though, that you definitely shouldn’t feel that the time you spent nurturing your relationship with your fiance is invalid. If anything, this should make you feel better about your own relationship! You know your fiance proposed because he truly loves you for who you are … Your friend’s fiance doesn’t even know who she is after only 3 weeks.
Post # 14
@rosworms: I’m not so upset about her relationship – it’s weird to me, but it’s her choice, so whatever – I just don’t like it when she brags about marrying her best friend. She can say “love at first sight” all she likes, but after 3 weeks there is no feasible way that they have a deep/solid friendship. It makes me feel like all the time I invested, getting to know FI as well as I could, is invalid, if she claims that she did the same thing.
Post # 15
@nyscpa2be: Thanks! Yeah…I have some pretty old ketchup, but still.
Post # 16
I can relate. I feel the same way when I go to weddings and they have anniversary dances, and all the people married 50, 30, 25, 10, 5 etc years are recognized. That’s great but really only celebrates people who get married right away, not people in committed long term but nit married relationships. I could have been married after 1 month of dating, and would be married 14 years by now, but since I didn’t, I guess my relationship is less valid.
At least, sometimes I feel that way, and I am a little ashamed of feeling petty about it, but I still do!
Stay strong, try to reframe your anger into concern for your friend! It may work out great but she may also be really hurt by this too!