RANT: MIL called me fat in e-photos (and "not bridal enough" in wedding photos)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

MrsRevolutionize:  Awww, that was embarrassing on her part to make such a stupid comment. You could do one of 2 things: brush it off since you already knew this is part of her personality or confront her about it and tell her how bad it makes you feel. I’m sorry you had to hear that from someone so close to you.

Post # 3
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh god, that’s just awful. I’m so sorry she said those things. You seem really nice, too, dealing with it the way you did shows an incredible amount of self-control and generosity toward her.

The only suggestion I have is to ask your husband to have a word with her, asking politely that she be a little more sensitive. And maybe then show her All About That Bass on YouTube 🙂

I think you know already the lifelong struggle involved in being overweight. I hope your MIL makes an effort to see what’s beautiful about you even with the weight you are at. 

Post # 4
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

Let your husband stand up for you! That is unacceptable behavior and needs to be nipped NOW. Even if you think she doesn’t mean it or realize it. 

Post # 5
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ever heard the saying, “Don’t give the devil a foothold”? I think you need to stop making fat/pregnancy jokes about yourself so that she doesn’t join in. It sounds like she didn’t say anything until you cracked that joke. Granted, she took it WAY too far and was completely rude and hurtful. BUT don’t give her ammo. On your journey to eat healthy and workout more, you should add in changing how you talk/think about yourself. That’s a huge part of the journey: being kind and gracious to oneself.

Also, I do think you need to tell her that she hurt your feelings and you’d appreciate her being kinder towards you in the future. This could be a good step for your relationship with her.

Post # 6
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee

Honey,

You seem so sweet and you had me wishing I was there as big sister.

Please take my advice for what it’s worth: You teach people how to treat you.  Allow your husband to stick up for you. Stop just ‘letting it go’ for the sake of keeping the peace.  Sometimes, people need to hear how they’ve made you feel and that’s okay. It is OKAY to express your truth.  Do not allow her to keep throwing ‘shade’ at you and especially since it is hurtful. She has to understand that it is not okay and you just brushing it off will make her think that it is.

 

Post # 7
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

That was so unkind of her! Inexcusable and so wrong. Hugs.

Never talk negatively about your body in front of her again. She took your insecure comment as an opening to have a long critique of your body, and that is not okay. She is not the kind of woman who will contradict your negative remarks about yourself, but will just amplify whatever insecurities you have. You sound like a generous person, but never give her that opening again. Express doubts about yourself only to people who want to build you up!

If you have kids who take after you in shape, they will model their attitudes based on yours. If they hear you criticizing yourself and their grandma agreeing, they will not believe you later if you say they look beautiful. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Phoenicia.
Post # 8
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

🙁 awww so sorry to hear!

I echo what PP said this behavior is not okay at all. Your hubby should have a talk with her and let her knwo that commenst like that really hurt your feelings.

Post # 11
Member
12781 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not to be stalkerish, but I went back to look for a picture of you (found one of you in your dress about 6 mos ago) and you are not what I’d call fat at all.  Your MIL and family must be like models or something if she thinks you’re fat.  By many American standards, you are quite slim!  You’ve made your choices for a healthy and happy relationship with food and diet, don’t let her get you down.

Post # 12
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

 

MrsRevolutionize:  I’m so sorry, as a person who has struggled with weight all my life and I too have enjoyed the life of Yo-yo dieting. I’m sorry your MIL is so rude my Aunt is very Blunt/rude to me about my weight so i know a little how you feel. I remember Thanksgiving 5 years ago I hosted and made EVERYTHING from scratch and it was the best meal we’ve had…..as we are sitting around just chit chatting letting the food settle out of nowhere my aunt said to my “Have you ever thought about having gastric bypass? it could do wonders for you” My, My mom’s and my cousin’s face dropped and i just turn it around and said NO Have YOU (she is bigger than me)? Besides my Best friends step mom died having the surgery so I would never consider it. I’m 5/4 and at the time 250lbs but i hold my weight well.

You can do it! 3 years ago I decided to take back my life a live healthier I gave up Fried food and Soda for Lint and never picked them back up. I tried counting calories and became obsessed with having to log and track before I ate not I just eat better foods and smaller portions I’ve lost about 75 lbs and I plan on toning up for the wedding. I started Whole30 and it’s great. There are no “special” foods to buy, no wraps, no pills just eating good for you food with no crap in it. I wish you well on your journey to be healthy! If you need anyone to talk to I’m here!

Post # 13
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

MrsRevolutionize:  I  went back to your wedding photos and your MIL must be on crack to think you are overweight. You looked absolutely beautiful! Don’t listen to her. I do agree with the PP that you should not make self-depreciating jokes in her presence because she obviously doesn’t have any tact. Sorry she was so mean to you. I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but I have never told someone on weddingbee that I thought they looked beautiful if I didn’t truly mean it!

Post # 14
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

 

MrsRevolutionize:  Oh and I also just looked at your Recap……. She’s crazy! You Look beautiful! and you are in no way fat.

P.S. I love your dress it looked amazing on you.

Post # 15
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh lord! Some people wouldn’t know tact if it slapped them in the face!

 

My grandma said I looked fat in my sister’s wedding photos years ago and I am a size 2, sigh. There’s no pleasing some people.

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