- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Just looking for support, I guess. My MIL is a real salt of the earth woman; she raised four boys on one income and hasn’t stopped working harder than everyone else in the world since then. I genuinely admire her strength and abilities and how much she loves her children and grandchildren. But I’m starting to think she really doesn’t like me. We received our wedding photos from our August wedding a few weeks ago, but due to weird scheduling (I was out of town, husband just got a promotion and has been working non-stop, and MIL working alternating day/night shifts) we weren’t able to meet until this week to go over the wedding photos with her, which she asked us a few times to do. So we finally got a night off together and went over with my laptop, as they’re all digital, and sat down with her to go through them.
Now there’s no beating aroud the bush–I’m overweight, especially compared to her family, who are all tall and skinny by build. My husband and MIL both have one of those blessed metabolisms that requires themto try to gain weight, whereas I have always been on the chubby side, like the rest of my family. On top of that, a few years ago I went on a severe diet that had me lose 20lbs, but that my doctor also now believes directly caused my thyroid disorder. As such, I’ve gained all of that weight back, and have struggled to lose it (as in, I need to restrict, calorie-count, and work out every day to lose 10lbs, at which point I stall). After years of yo-yo dieting and being miserable, I’ve made the decision that I’m going to just focus on eating healthy and working out without obsessing over my weight. My husband is aware of my struggles and is completely supportive, but his mom definitely doesn’t pull her punches.
There’s this on engagement photo that has me in profile to the camera, and in which the wind caught in my shirt. It’s a beautiful photo of us, except that with the wind it looks like I’m 7 months pregnant, hahah. One of the ways I deal with my insecurities is to joke about them, so when that photo came up, I joked “oh yeah, that’s the one where I look pregnant!” and pointed out the wind in my shirt–at which point she said, “well, you look pregnant in all of them!”
My husband and I sort of balked, but then she continued and pointed out where I looked pregnant in the rest of the photos. She then went on about how I don’t look “bridal” enough in my wedding photos, and basically asked to get copies of all the wedding photos that I’m not in printed for her. I mean, I wasn’t offended that she didn’t choose photos of me, or even photos of me and my husband, because his groomsmen were all of his brothers and obviously those photos would mean a lot more to her… but to comment on how bad my photos are at the same time really hurt.
My husband started to say something, but I jumped in with a joke to try to play it off because she’s done this to me before and I don’t think it’s something she even realizes she’s doing, and I don’t think it’s worth fighting about. It just… really brought me down, and I spent a lot of the ride home trying not to cry. 🙁