(Closed) xx

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

If mom hates dad so much that she won’t walk down the aisle with you if he’s there, then I would say that only dad will walk me down then – unless you can get over yourself. 

If both is what you want, then you tell her that.  If she can’t compromise, then she can’t be a part of walking you.  But your dad should not be penalized because your mom can’t deal with him.

Your mom can have all the opinions she wants, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to what she wants. If you’re proud of your tattoos – if you feel like they’re part of what makes you ‘you’, then I wouldn’t cover them up!

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

As for the tattoos, she has to suck it up! That’s you! I wouldn’t even respond to her if she mentions it. 

As for the aisle…if she can’t compromise, can your dad just walk you? What about a sibling?

Post # 5
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ugh, sounds somewhat like my parents. 

Honestly, I think you should explain that it is important to you to have them both walk you down the aisle. Explain that it would be great if they could set aside their differences for 30 seconds, that you want to honor both your parents. Tell them it is about you, not about how much she hates him. 

Has your Dad said anyhing about it?

If she still refuses, would you want to walk with just your Dad?

Post # 6
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@CollegeBee3:  I don’t mean to sound harsh towards your mother… But she sounds like she is being selfish, quite selfish.

Personally, I would just walk downt he aisle with my dad –  I’d rather that than ”force her” to do it – If she wants to miss out on the most important moment of my life, so be it. But first, I would try one more time to have a talk with her and try to explain how much this means to you and softly remind her that it would be for you, not your dad….

Good luck!

P.S. I wouldn’t worry about the tatts, that’s your choice and she will just have to learn to accept that, lol.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well SHE sucks!

Do you have any aunts/unclesgrandparents/etc. that you’re very close to? One of my cousins has a not great (but not abusive or anything) Mom, and she’s ALWAYS needed my Mom for emotional support. She’s closer to my Mom than hers!

If you don’t, you could always have just your Dad walk you! Or your FI!

Post # 9
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not her wedding. She’s making a choice not to be a mature adult so she can sit on sidelines while your father walks you down. Don’t let her emotionally blackmail you. Without him there would never have been a YOU (regardless of how badly their relationship ended). So she needs to get over herself for 20 second walk down an aisle. Please.

 

Post # 10
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@bklynbridetobe:  +1. She hit the nail right on the head. It amazes me how weddings bring about such drama when it should be a wonderful celebration. Put mama’s thoughts/desires/wants and DRAMA to the side and do what you want for your big day. She can either get it together or get gone!

Post # 11
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would just get your dad to walk you down, and if your mom has such a problem with it, tough cookies for her. 

Post # 12
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CollegeBee3:  I don’t know if it has been mentioned, but I read somewhere that a tradition involves both the bride and the groom to walk together down the aisle. That is what my FI and I will be doing. We love our parents and both couples are still married (in today’s world, that is surprising lol), but we just want to feel we are embarking in this journey together (cliché, I know lol). Also, I felt that having my dad or both my parents would leave my FI’s parents on the side, and as the two families already speak a different language, I didn’t want then to feel left out (and we are not having bridesmaids or groomsmen, because we don’t in my traditions).

I know it is not for everyone, but you can think about it and see if that would take care of the problem! I am sure that your wedding will still be beautiful either way. Don’t forget that YOU GUYS are getting married 😉 

Post # 13
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would put Mom on notice that you would not be tolerating any of this behavior surrounding your marriage. Her divorce from your Dad has nothing to do with your wedding. She can act like a grownup for that one day and be civil to and with your Dad.

If your first choice is to have both of them walk you down the ailse, tell her that if she can’t be mature about it, you will have your Dad escort you. Tell her she will have only herself to blame if this is what ends up happening.

A backup option as mentioned by a pp, walk the aisle with your FI. It will be symbolic of starting your new life together.

Post # 14
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly you need to stop worrying about your mom so much.  Sucks to be her not to walk you down the aisle. Her loss on that. As for you tat’s please do not cover them up unless YOU want to not because of your mom. You have them for a reason you should embrace that.

Post # 15
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@CollegeBee3:  Sadly, you’ve alreayd said it

…neither of my parents have been particularly, traditionally “good parents” — my siblings and I basically raised ourselves, worked ourselves, and put ourselves through college.  I will have completed my BS in Business Admin this spring.  I have never resented my parents or hated them, I’ve just accepted that they aren’t award winning parents…,

This is just more of the same of her regular behavior.
 
You want her to be a different parent and put aside her selfishness to walk you down the aisle. I don’t blame you for that, but you know that she will not change. Is she hangs onto hatred for your dad’s involvement in your wedding, again, that’s who she is. You can’t control that.
 
Please don’t waste your time and energy on trying to change her mind, she is who she is. Your are a fantasticlally smart and well adjusted young lady to have come up with this realization about your parents at this young age.

Post # 16
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@CollegeBee3:  Unless your Dad abused your mother she is being incredibly immature and selfish. She has been invited to walk you down the aisle in conjunction with your father. It is her right to decline that invitation but it is NOT her right to demand you exclude your Dad. Tell her if she doesn’t want to participate, that’s fine, but that you will still walk with your father – end of discussion.

Ditto with the tats. It’s your choice to cover or not.

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