Rant: My bridesmaid and her ex-husband

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
4338 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Girl, just pop some popcorn and watch the show. You can’t do anything about it no matter what. The important thing is gettiing married, and that will take care of itself.

Post # 3
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Personally, at this point, I would just let it go (the good ol’ ‘ignore the problem and it will go away’ strategy). This guy would have to be a giant twat-waffle to get dressed up and show up at a wedding he wasn’t invited to, all for the purpose of pissing off his ex-wife. I’m sure miss-21-year-old doesn’t want him spending any face time with his ex anyway, and will probably pitch a big fit if he tries to do this. 

That being said, if one of them brings it up again, I wouldn’t hesitate to let them know that you don’t appreciate being stuck in the middle of their relationship issues, and that it is YOUR wedding day and you want to be surrounded by people who are CELEBRATING with you. If they are showing up for the sole purpose of making the day about themselves and how pissed they are at their ex, then please feel free to do it somewhere else, even if that means you’re short a bridesmaid.

Congrats, sorry you’re dealing with bad friend drama. Hope your day turns out to be awesome!

Post # 4
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

SouthernGirl:  are they (ex husband and new girlfriend) INVITED to the wedding? At first it sounded like they are since she even bothered telling him not to show, but then sounds like not, because you say she told him when/where it is…

Post # 5
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

SouthernGirl:  Yes can you please clarify if you ACTUALLY invited him and his new GF? if not, I would have someone escort them out promptly. 

Post # 7
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

SouthernGirl:  OK, then unless he is seriously dumb/unhinged, he probably won’t show up and is just talking a big game to his ex-wife. But, in case, does your venue have security and/or are you hiring security? You may want to tip off the venue that he has threatened to show up and give them a picture (if you have one) in case he does show up, so he doesn’t make a scene. Or tip off some beefy guests to be on the look out to remove him if he shows his face. And call the police if he causes issues for anyone. It’s a private event and probably the venue is private property – he’d be trespassing if he showed up.

 

Post # 9
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 

SouthernGirl:  It just sounds like he was trying to wind your BM up. I bet he has no plans to crash your wedding. Just forget about it and be supportive of your BM, who I am assuming is a close friend. She is obviously not handling the break up well and needs soemone to listen to her, assure her that he was winding her up but to also let her know that her behaviour wasn’t the best course of action.

Post # 10
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

SouthernGirl:  Yes you do have it covered! He would be an idiot to show up, but give them a heads up just in case. Hopefully he will have the decency not to cause a scene at your wedding! 

Post # 11
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SouthernGirl: Since you didn’t actually tell him “No you can’t come”, is this a situation where not-invited friends are welcome to attend the ceremony? (As is sometimes the case when the wedding is at a church).

If it is a public place, then you need to tell your BM that the wedding is in a public place, and she had better not ruin YOUR wedding day just because her ex happens to be in the congregation.

If it’s not in a public place, then the ex has no right to be there, and I don’t understand why you didn’t tell the ex that when he asked a few months ago. And it might be worthwhile contacting him and telling him the wedding is a private function and it’s not appropriate for him to be there. (Since, after all, he’s said he’ll be there unless you tell him not to).

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  aussiemum1248.
Post # 12
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In my last post, replace “in a public place” with “a situation where non-invited friends are welcome to attend the ceremony” at the start of paragraphs 2 and 3. (Sorry but it’s too late to edit my last post).

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