Post # 1
Our wedding is in 5 weeks and my fiance is driving me nuts this week. In terms of planning, I’m on track, so all the big things are out of the way. Now it’s just a matter of working out the logistics and making sure I’ve got all of the small stuff together that I need: serving set, escort cards, bridesmaids’ gifts, etc. I’m doing a ton of stuff DIY for the wedding, which means almost every waking hour between now and then is spent on The Wedding.
Several times this week I’ve said to my fiance that I’ve been crazy busy with the wedding and that even though a lot of it is fun, it gets overwhelming and stressful at times. As a result of me being so busy with wedding planning, things around the house aren’t getting done, like laundry, vacuuming, dishes. Usually my FI is pretty good about helping out around the house (we live together), but for whatever reason this week he hasn’t done much, despite my saying things like, “Oh my goodness. I was going to do the dishes today, but I was so busy with wedding stuff, I just didn’t have time. Ugh! I hate it when the house gets so messy!”
Granted, I haven’t asked him specifically to clean anything, but I’m still super annoyed that he doesn’t have the wherewithal to hear me say I’m stressed (because I’m doing everything for our wedding) and the dirty house stresses me out even more, and react with, “I know you’re working hard on the wedding and I appreciate it. I’ll take care of the dishes tonight!” It feels more like he sees me in the deep end, barely keeping my head above water, and instead of throwing me a life preserver he says, “Yeah, that looks tough. I’m gonna go play video games now. Call me if you actually start dying.”
I know he’s not a mind reader and if I’m really frustrated and need help that I should ask him, so when I’m less frustrated that is what I’ll do. But, damn. Do you ever just wish your man could take a hint sometimes?
Post # 3
@ellie-b: Oh my gosh, ALL THE TIME! >.< Haha, it’s gotten better around here – while DH loves his video games and his own time, with a couple years of marriage under his belt, he’s now better at sensing that I need him to do this or that. 😛 It’s a “men” thing, I promise! Men.
Post # 4
@ellie-b: men are, for lack of a better word, clueless! I have learned to come right and say hey hun could you do the dishes? I’d really super appreciate it. We also have a system off need and want. If its just something I’d like him to do, I say I want you to vacuum if you can that’d be great. But if its something that’s super important to my well being then I say hey I need you to this, can you? DH does the same so that this way we know when something is super important or when it can be done later. But trust me, it takes a very emotionally intuitive man to pick up on clues about what you need, and those guys are few and far between. 🙂
Post # 5
@SeaTurtle88: I completely agree. Why beat around the bush? As long as you ask nicely and reciprocate, I think it’s better to be direct and ask for what you want.
Post # 6
Same boat, 100%. I’m really looking forward to my life retuning to normal in October!!
Post # 7
@Fusco737: Ditto that! I’m ready for a return to normalcy.
At breakfst this morning I just told him (calmly) that I had been super stressed this week and that basically from now until the wedding I would be pretty consumed with the planning. He understands that and I asked him to help me out with picking up the slack around the house. He’s great and totally got it. I’m glad I let myself cool off a little before saying anything – it always helps. 🙂
It’s also reassuring to know I’m not the only one. Thanks, everyone! 🙂
Post # 8
@ellie-b: I just read through this and was going to tell you to let him know in definite terms that you need some help with housework. I see you already did. Good! You’re right; men aren’t mind readers.
Post # 9
Dude — can relate completely to this. You’re not alone!
Post # 10
Men are oblivious. I learned in the first year of dating and living with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, that I had to explicitly ask him for help. We split the chores fairly evenly. I do a bit more now because I am actively searching for employment while he’s at work, but still; he helps because I ask him to. I’ve found that with men, usually, if you ask, they will help. They can’t take a hint, they need the sledgehammer!