Post # 1
A group of us (guys and gals) have been friends for over 10 years. We’ve shared our experiences from teens through adulthood. We know each other’s past mistakes, secrets, whatever stupid stuff people do when they’re young and reckless. No judgments held. Anyway of my guy friends met a girl online 2 years ago and now they’re getting married. Maybe he wasn’t being completely honest in his profile because they are polar opposites. He is just like my husband (they have been best friends since 4th grade) – laid back, casual, a good sense of humor and easy to be around. Never tries to show off or act phony to impress people. She, however, is all about the drama. She expects it to be a formal event when people come over to plop on the couch, and watch football. God forbid someone’s jacket smells a little funny or they forget to use a coaster! And if you are a girl and don’t arrived fully primped (makeup, perfume, a nice blouse) oh, the looks you’ll get from her. I used to go over there in my pajamas uninvited. He’d leave the door open for everyone, no big deal. Not now, heck no. There’s gotta be adequate advance warning for her to prepare the house to receive guests. She expects us to bring food every time like it’s a freaking dinner party. To watch TV and have a couple beers! Going out with her is a drag. She’s a total buzzkill. If we’re at a restaurant or bar and a pretty girl walks in naturally the guys are gonna take a peek. If I see a hot guy walk in I’ll take me a little peek too. Completely harmless. It doesn’t phase me or my husband. But if she catches my friend doing it she has a total meltdown every time. Tears, running to the bathroom, a lecture in front of everyone, the whole nine yards. It just ruins the evening for everyone. My friend has threatened to take the ring back more than once. I have to accept that she is going to be a permanent part our our social group. We’ve all gone out of our way to be super nice to her since day one but it doesn’t get any better. how to cope?
Post # 3
To be honest, that guy is going to fall out of your social circle quickly if he marries her. Hate to say it, but that’s what is going to happen. I would make peace with the fact that his life is headed in a different direction than the rest of your group’s. Sucks, but it isn’t uncommon.
IF he asks for advice, you could gently prod him to really consider if that’s the life he wants, one of instability, back and forth, etc… IF HE ASKS.
Post # 4
She sounds like she’s insecure, but I don’t really think some of these things are that crazy. What’s fine in your relationship may not work for other people. I don’t think checking out other women in front of me is appropriate for my man either. And yeah, I want notice before people stop over so I can prepare for hosting guests. I won’t doubt that he will separate himself from your group if he continues with this relationship, but that is his choice.
Post # 5
Sorry bu5 i dont like unexpected guests either. Whats great in college years isnt necessarily great when youre settling down
And as for food…yeah i get that. Otherwise peopl3 come to hang out all day and eat everything in the house
Crying is a bit OTT but plent of couples dont like the other one leching at other peoplewhile together-its disrespectful
None of it sounds that bad to be honest.
Post # 6
I had a friend who developed into this girl. Emphasis: HAD. The sad thing is it may not get much better :/ but I hope it does and send lots of good wishes your way.
Post # 7
She sounds young and insecure.
However, if that’s the type of girl he wants to be with, you have to wonder why. Yes you’ve been friends with him for 10 years, but maybe he does want to have his life in a certain “order.”
And like @newname_99: said, I really don’t think she’s being that unreasonable.
Post # 8
There must be something he sees in her, hence he is committing himself to her. while she’s not your cup of tea, it’s not really your business. I mean he is your friend and you want the best for him, but he is intending to marry her… He wants everyone to be happy for him. You don’t really need to cope, you just need to see how happy she makes him and continue supporting him as friends do.
Post # 9
I can sort of see this.
I am the type of girl that always looks her best, always has a full face of makeup, wouldn’t be caught dead without it – unless i’m at home. I believe in always looking your best, but that’s just me.
Having uninvited guests drives me nuts, and I would prefer if they’d give me some notice to at least freshen the house up, however, I wouldn’t get all super rude about it.
I can also understand the coaster thing… espcially if they have nice furniture. Once it’s ruined with watermarks, there really isn’t any fixing it without it being costly.
The whole meltdown thing sounds a wee bit crazy though.
Post # 10
@Girasole: I know there’s something special he sees in her. She’s not a terrible person, but she does throw excessive tantrums and has been quite rude to some of my other friends for reasons I can’t figure out. She doesn’t live with him yet either. That’s why it’s annoying that she tries to make the house rules. He’s expressed to me in private that he’s not exactly in bliss. He feels pressured by his family to take the plunge. It hurts me to watch him go through this.
Post # 11
Honestly it sounds like a nightmare to have people randomly coming over in their pj’s whenever they want, seems out of line to me. I love my friends and have causal get together however my house my space and I wouldn’t be cool with anyone doing that.
People grown up and change and I think having boundaries esp when you have spouse means their friends shouldn’t be able to open the door and come over with no warning esp if she lives there. I think you need to check yourself and put it into perspective. This girl isn’t completely crazy or a bridezilla because she has boundaries for the GUEST(that would be you) who come to her home.
So maybe I’m a bridezilla too because I paid a lot of money for my furniture and I provide coasters for all my guest, because I prefer it last a long time, without water rings, or stain.
Post # 12
@TwoCityBride: I agree with all of this. Sorry to say, OP, but your friend’s fiancé seems to just expect her fiance’s friends to act like normal, well-mannered adults. Showing up at a friend’s house with no warning in your pajamas is something that teenagers and immature young adults do. Real adults call ahead, dress appropriately, use coasters, and bring food/drinks with them.
The public meltdowns, however, are another issue. Are you sure you’re not exaggerating these because you don’t like her?
Post # 14
I don’t have much to say about her behavior, but I do have to say that you should tell your friend to stop threatening to take the ring back if he doesn’t mean it.
Post # 15
While she sounds a little over-dramatic in personality, I don’t think it is crazy of her to want notice when people come over. What’s okay when you are single is not when you are in a serious, live-in relationship. And some people really care about their furniture, and remind others to use coasters (my MALE FI, who is laid back in general, is one of them).
It’s really not appropriate of you and your friends to act like he is single and to continue to try to hang out in the same ways. It devalues the relationship, and you probably make her feel like an outside and a nag, when she just expects common courtesies that most adults show their friends.
And, yes, if you come over, especially univited, and expect to eat food while you are there, you should bring something yourself!
Post # 16
When are they getting married?
If he’s already threatening to take the ring back and they’re not two or three months out, I don’t think that wedding is going to happen.
And while I don’t wish a broken engagement on anyone, maybe they would be happier not together!