- 3 years ago
My fiance and I are getting married in September. I originally wanted to elope, but my fiance really wanted a wedding, so we compromised on a smallish (65 guests) wedding. The venue (a local restauant) is lovely, my dress is beautiful (vintage 1930s. Yay!), and I’m sure that it will be a wonderful day. I love my fiance, who I have been with for several years, and really want him to enjoy the wedding of his dreams. But I’m REALLY resenting the whole thing right now and am feeling overwhelmed.
– I resent the time that it takes to plan this thing, even though it’s not a huge wedding. I’m trying to finish my PhD at the moment and don’t really have the time or energy to take care of wedding things. My fiance has been great with taking care of a lot of the planning, but there are some things that he can’t take care of (finding someone to do hair, for instance), doesn’t want to take care of (flowers), or that I don’t want him to take care of (little touches aren’t his thing).
– I’m dreading being at the center of attention, and all of the family events and get-togethers surrounding the wedding (which will happen since a lot of people are coming from out of town). I’m an introvert, and get overwhelmed when I spend a lot of time around others. I need space.
– I hate how the wedding is making me feel like I’m ‘not a good woman’ because I don’t feel like it will be the most important or happiest day of my life. I love my FI – he truly completes me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love spending time with him, our life goals compliment one another’s, we have great sex, and we’ve worked through some hard times and come out stronger for it. But honestly, I am not a very domestic person, and my identity does not revolve around my family or relationships. I also feel like getting married will bring about more family pressure to have kids, which I dread. I will have a child some day (my FI definitely wants one), but at 29 I just don’t feel ready yet, and am scared that I never will. I read posts on here about ‘baby fever’ and have never felt like that, even remotely.
– My parents are paying for a big chunk of the wedding (venue, dinner, booze), which is wonderful of them. But I really resent the way they consider the wedding so much more important than my education, which they didn’t contribute to at all despite being able to afford it. I worked full time through my undergrad so I could afford to live while I went to school, which worked out okay but came with poverty and significant opportunity costs that I still regret. My student loan debt is way, way less than what the wedding will cost them.
I know that this is super whiny and spoiled sounding, but I’m really struggling here. Is anyone else NOT enjoying wedding planning? Does anyone else feel like the pressure to conform to gender expectations, etc, at this time is too much?