Rant: people cancelling before the wedding

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

megs24:   Doesn’t that drive you nuts!   I’ll join you in the rant.  We have one guest who keeps telling us she doesn’t know if she will have to work or not (on a Sunday????).   They apparently don’t care at all about the expense, or the seating chart, which I have spent hours on.  Ugh!!!!

Post # 4
39 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

While this hasnt happened to me (still 4 months from wedding) I can’t understand this either. Surely if someone receives an invitation for a wedding on a day that they sometimes work (ie a Sunday), they have had at least a month to inform work not to roster them that day, but they obviously don’t do it! Just can’t understand the mentality.

Post # 5
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

hate to say it but at least he called…we had a few no-shows at our wedding who gave no notice they weren’t coming, it sucks but it happens/life happens.

Post # 6
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

soy:  Ditto. At least he had the consideration to call and let you know, which is much more than most people. We had people tell us they were for-sure coming, and then they just never showed up, with no explanation, ever.  ..These were DH’s good friends from highschool too.

I don’t think some people really have a concept of how much weddings cost, and that they are actually counted towards what the bill is at the end of the night, regardless of whether or not they show up.

Post # 7
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

megs24:  We had a couple no-shows (although they were my parents’ friends so I didn’t really care) so be happy that you at least had advanced warning. Can you offer anyone a +1 in his place? Also the seating charts aren’t a big deal. People use the assigned seats to hang their coats on and walk around to mingle anyway.

Post # 8
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

A week before the wedding I learned that two guests wouldn’t come. There was a medical issue, so it was very understandable. My uncle (by marriage) invited along his elderly sister and BIL in their stead, and they had a blast. 

Then at the rehearsal dinner a cousin informed us that her husband and daughter couldn’t make it. So that was two more down.

Then the day of, two families no-showed, totalling 6 people. A daughter of another guest was also sick allegedly. She is best friends with the daughter who dropped out the day before, so I reckon she just didn’t want to come because she wouldn’t have anyone to hang out with. 

So yeah, out of 80 confirmed guests, we had two cancel a week before (but had two guests take their place), two cancel the night before, and then a further seven no-show the day of. That’s roughly $500+ spent on them all together.

It’s annoying. It’s inconsiderate. You have to let it go and not focus on it during the day. I remember having a pang of annoyance when I realized we had an entire empty table, but I just moved on from it and focused on the people who were there. 

Post # 9
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

soy:  I was thinking the same thing. We had at least 10 no shows and we had paid. I would rather someone call. Unfortunately it happens….

Post # 10
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We had 10 people cancel two weeks before the wedding and then probably another 10 just not show up – no explanation, no notice, no nothing. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me – but sometimes it really makes my blood boil. The first 10 were fine, we could exclude them from our final head count, so no one had to pay for those seats. But the 10 that just didn’t show? Yeah – we paid for those no shows…

Oh well – at the end of the day, we had a blast and honestly didn’t really notice those that weren’t there. People don’t understand when they commit to come, it’s not like they’re saying they’ll come to your house for a super bowl party or something similar. At least, I tell myself that people don’t realize how completely rude it is…

Post # 11
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

I can see why that’s frustrating, but life happens. He’s probably telling the truth, and he gave you as much notice as he could. What’s he supposed to do, tell his boss to go eff himself because he has a party to go to? If this happened to me (and it probably will), I’d be more likely to be sad about the fact that someone I wanted there for my celebration was missing it than “But that fish or chicken option was $88!”


Simmer down, bride. Be gracious, and understand that your special best day ever isn’t EVERYONE’S special best day ever. Otherwise, you’re raising your blood pressure unecessarily during a time when you should be relaxed and blissful 😉

Post # 12
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

re: being called in to work, you must have great jobs to not have to worry about being called in despite having booked the day off… employers pull this shit all the damn time, and you don’t want to be messing with your livelihood for a wedding :/ 

Just some perspective maybe .. 

Sometimes I wonder if no-shows somehow forgot and are too embarrassed to say so, so they just slither away not to be heard from again for a few months, haha 

Post # 13
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

rachel85:  Agree 100%. Life happens and more often than not, a wedding will have the lowest priority.  It’s just how it is, don’t get worked up about it.

Post # 14
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

megs24:  Totally rant-worthy and very annoying BUT just remember that in less than a week you will be happily married. This stuff seems to happen to everyone. It’s not pleasant, but on the day-of you likely won’t even notice. You’ll be busy with other things! 🙂

Post # 15
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

This has always been part of the cost of business when planning a wedding.  I am not aware of any no shows for DDs #1 and #3 wedding but when I got married 17+ years ago there was a bonafide flu epidemic going around that took out 5 complete families from attending!  It happens.

And if it is work relatad  you can’t be mad about that.  If bosses pull your day off away there isn’t anything you can do.  I know it kind of sucks but this has no bearing on whether or not you have a successful wedding day.  Let it go.

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