RANT: People telling me who I should invite!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

it’s your wedding, so it’s your (and your fiance’s) choice for the guest list. if mom isn’t paying, mom gets no choice. don’t let her bully you into inviting people, just because she’s willing to pay for them. just say “we’d rather have people we know, love, and care about there, and not people who we don’t know.”

Post # 4
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you’re making excuses to them, as in “We can’t have Aunt because we’re trying to control costs.” If you say this it’s natural for your family to try to find a solution to the problem. I reccomend just saying no and letting them know there won’t be any discussion:

Mom: You have to invite aunt.

You: I’m sorry, we won’t be inviting her. That’s our final decision.

Mom: But I can pay for it.

You: We won’t be inviting her.

Mom: You have to!

You: We won’t be inviting her. Have you seen these flowers? 

Post # 5
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AlwaysSunny:  +1.

It’s not about offering to pay for the extras. Have who YOU want there, not who everyone else wants there.

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t sugar coat the reason. You don’t know these people well amd you want to celebrate with close family and close friends. Period.Often, people think family is an automatic invite, but I disagree. While you can’t choose your family they are similar to friends in that you gravitate to the ones you like and build deeper relationships with some.

Suggest your parents host something and invite the relatives if they want to see them so badly. A memorial Day BBQ bash sounds fun!

 

Post # 7
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Seattlegrl:  Totally in the same boat. It has always been my dream to get married in Maui at sunset, and my parents have attempted to tell me to have the wedding at home so “we can invite everyone”…um, who’s “everyone”? I really just want close family and friends there, especially because FI and I are very low-key, private people and his only family that’s here consists of his mom/sister/FBIL/nephew.

As a result, we are also paying for our own wedding, by choice.

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Seattlegrl:  If your parents are willing to help out, it might not hurt to allow them a limited number of invitations.

I’m baffled how your Aunt or cousin feel that your guest list will have any reflecation on them. If I were you, I’d tell them to buzz off. Nicely, but still…

Post # 9
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

We were having the same problem when we sat down to wirte our guest list. Usually where I come from the parents pay for the additional people they want to invite. But I wanted a smaller wedding too, and since they invited everyone they wanted at both my brothers wedding I told them I get to do it my way now although my dad was really pissed! I told them they can invite their close friends (which I really like) so it was a bit of a compromise then. Good luck 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Seattlegrl:  ha! and out of respect those guests may end up RSVPing yes! Would your mom be okay with sending out wedding announcements right after the big day. Surely, those older relatives would love something tangible to look at instead of just hearing about your nuptials.

Post # 12
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Seattlegrl:  Are we twins? I’m Filipino too and this is the EXACT same thing my parents said to me. I’m also the only cousin on both sides that was born overseas, and since my parents had 8 and 10 brothers and sisters, that’s a lot of relatives!

Post # 14
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Seattlegrl:  I’m Chinese. Happened to me too – We did send out a bunch of invites to people who would never come, out of respect, and they didn’t come – but DH and I ended up getting mad $$$ gifts from all of them because they wanted to do so to “show respect” to my parents. In Asian culture, the wedding is more for the parents. You get to have “your” wedding when its your kids’ turn. I think if your parents have been really involved in your life growing up, this is a point you should compromise on with them – it can get really ugly really quickly. If you’re marrying an American FI then hopefully your parents can meet you more in the middle. At some point someone has to break the tradition.

 

Post # 15
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

@Seattlegrl:  I live in Egypt so we have the same traditions. Family and relatives are a must. Then usually family invite thier friends and aquintances. That’s why wedding here are bigger than in the US. A wedding with 350 people is considered very small lol. Normal are about 500 and big is about with 1000 + guests which make no sense for me. Since my 2 brothers got married before me, my parents invited almost everyone they knew back then so i told my dad i would love it if they could only invite their group of smaller friends only which are about 45 peope. So i gave him that, although he wasnt that happy about it. But i were to get married before my brothers did i would have eventually ended up with a 600 people wedding so Im pretty lucky. People here get very upset if they are not invited to your wedding for several reasons: they think they are close and should share the happiness, they have invited you or your parents to their sons or daughter wedding so it’s like you have to invite them back and so on. I would say meet them in the middle but dont compromise too much or you’ll end up having the wedding you never wanted

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