- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’ll apologize in advance, since I dont know where to start and have been holding this in for quite some time so I thought I would talk about it with you here.
First of all, I love my ring, it’s exactly what I have always wanted, a princess cut solitare. Mine is slightly under a carat at .9 but I didnt think it would be that noticable. When I got it sized on my size7 finger it didn’t look as big, but still I was okay with it. I knew he had saved and had been saving for this ring for me. When I showed my mom she said “it’s nice, it’s small” – I was so upset… Then after that people who saw my ring said things like “it’s cute”, “aww that’s sweet”, “not bad” etc. Some people just looked and didnt say anything. It is a simple setting, but he had picked it out for me so I was obviously happy, but when I received all of these comments, I was just so upset. Maybe it’s my area/location? But still it made me feel like crap.
My DH has said that he would like to upgrade my stone to something larger, but I’m not sure if I want to. Should I? Is that silly?
The second thing is when we announced our engagement to my in-laws, it was in front of the whole family and only one person, his younger brother, gave me a hug. But not his mom or his sister, or anyone else. I was really devistated. I asked my FI at the time if they’re even happy? Do they like me? I thought they did as we had been together for 5 years and it seemed like they liked me, but was so confused that I didnt get any love from them that day. I really wanted a hug from them or a welcome to the family or congrats, something, anything. It was as if they were blindsided or caught off guard, but still if so, there was not even a delayed reaction. They asked to see the ring and that was that. I have been holding that in for so long but it still hurts me. My FI at the time (now DH) said not to worry as they’re just not used to this, marriage, etc, and they are very closed and more sarcastic and not so openly loving. They just said OK and I guess didnt know what to say or do. I feel like my SIL maybe was jealous, but my MIL? It was a bit different with my family as both my parents hugged us both and said to him “welcome to the family – even though you’ve already been part of our family, but now it’s official”. It was really nice, we were all very happy (except for when my mom made the comment, but I doubt she meant it very seriously – although it still hurt a bit).
Since then and up to our wedding my SIL kept making negative comments about weddings and marriage. Saying that she would never get married or have a wedding, even though she had a b/f and a baby, and I felt that she was trying to make me look as if I’m high maintanence or something with her sarcastic comments and teasing remarks b/c I was getting married. After my wedding, I found everyone to be a bit more open to the idea of marriage, she was even asking her BF for a ring too.
Now she is engaged and when she announced it, she was very over the top about it, everyone was hugging, she was openly showing off her ring. Her mom was extemely excited. I was happy too, but sad that I didnt get the same reaction from my MIL or SIL. Her ring is nice and big and suits her, I am truly happy for her b/c I feel that she did want this although she came accross like she didn’t. But deep inside I have a feeling that she did want a ring/wedding/marriage as well, most women do. I dont have ring envy or anything but she keeps saying “MY ring is soooo sparkly” and keeps holding her hand out as if to say look at me look at me. I understand her excitment, but I feel so bummed out b/c when we announced our engagement she totally dismissed it.
Sorry, I just had to tell someone, I have been holding this in for practically 2 years. His family’s reaction to our engagement and both families and friends reaction to my ring. The odd time I mention it to my DH when I think about it. That I’m still hurt with their reaction. At the time he said that he could talk to them, but I said no b/c I didnt want to ruin any relations. I just continued to be nice and respectful and myself around them. But, you would think that families would just get excited and be so happy when something like this happens. I get that they maybe they didnt know how to react or what to say or what to do, but still. Once my DH said maybe it’s us lol. Maybe it is just us and how they talk to us. I dont know how to get over this, it’s been two years and I am still saddened by the thought.
Thanks for listening Bees, any advice would be helpful.