Post # 1
I apologize for the length in advance…
Darling Husband was recently diagnosed with gallbladder issues and spent 4 days in the hospital. It was an extremely stressful experience for us and something that I hope we never have to go through again. On top of his gallbladder problems, his heart rate was through the roof and Darling Husband later admitted that he was convinced he was dying at one point. Obviously that’s terrifying for me to hear. Anyway, part of the recovery for his gallbladder issues is a complete lifestyle change when it comes to what we eat. I’m the first to admit that we didn’t have the best eating habits before this and we loooooved our fatty foods. Since his gallbladder can no longer process fat, we’ve had to go to a no/low fat diet instantly. It’s been a challenge since preparing meals with very little fat that still taste good and satisfy our picky pallets isn’t the easiest thing in the world but I’m working on it.
Anyway, my Mother-In-Law has been berating Darling Husband and I for days about our new diet, telling us what we can and cannot eat and pretty much just being super annoying. His family seems to think that I’m incapable of caring for my husband and they don’t trust that I’m going to prepare the right foods for him. Apparently they think I give so little of a shit about his health that I’m going to force feed him fried chicken and french fries every day (they didn’t really say this but it was implied). This has really upset me since even though we’ve been together for 7 god damn years and I thought they knew me a little better by now, they have so little faith in my abilities. Neither Darling Husband nor I are thrilled that we have to make such a drastic change but we’re going to do what we have to do to assure he stays as healthy as possible.
The day he got discharged my Mother-In-Law was texting him about the diet and really stressing him out. She had made some snide comments to me when we were in the hospital and I finally couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. I texted her with a VERY respectful message (MUCH nicer than the things I could have said) basically just saying that I was capable of taking care of my husband and the fact that her family has so little faith in that is really upsetting. Then I asked her to please stop texting him about the diet and that it was stressing both of us out and neither of us needed it (for full disclosure, ontop of neither of us sleeping for 4 days, I had a 102 fever and we had to rush the cat to the vet right after we got home from the hospital because he was sick. It was NOT a good day). She apparently couldn’t text me back herself and instead told DH’s brother about it who sent me a bitch-o-gram. He told me to grow up, to stop being so dramatic and the real fucking cherry on the sundae was “if you were on board with whats necessary to keep him healthy you’d understand”. If I could have jumped through the phone and strangled him I would have. How dare he imply that I don’t want my husband to be healthy? Who the fuck does he think he is?! I’m the one who’s had to watch him wince in pain when he has an attack, not these people. His brother hardly ever speaks him but all of a sudden he’s so concerned. I reached a whole new level of angry that day and I wouldn’t be surprised if I actually had fire coming out of my ears. After my initial freak out, I tried to remain calm for Darling Husband since I didn’t want to put any more stress on his heart but it has literally eaten me up inside. I am furious to the millionth power over this and I don’t know how I will ever get past it.
Darling Husband has asked me to try to let this go since “they’re just concerned” and “we know how they are” but I can’t (he does admit that his brother was totally in the wrong, though, so atleast he’s on my side). I cannot and will not ever forgive or forget the things his brother said to me. I told Darling Husband that I want an apology from his brother but I’m not going to hold my breath. If his brother will atleast admit that that his comments were completely disrespectful and heartless then I can get past it but until then, abso-fucking-lutely not. I’ve tried to be the bigger person but when someone tells me that I don’t give a shit about the well being of the person who I love more than anything in this world and would die for, they’ve crossed one hell of a line. Just writing this out has my blood boiling. I’m going to do my best to not dwell on it in DH’s presence but thankfully he can’t see the images that are playing out in my head.
Ok, end rant. And now I really wish I could eat chocolate.
Post # 3
Omg. There are not enough words in the English language for this. That is despicable.
Big hugs lady, chin up, they are all raging idiots.
Post # 4
You are seriously handling this so much better than I would be. I would have probably gone off on all of them by now and probably be in jail for attempting to burn someone’s house down. I’m like half-kidding. Seriously though, this is insulting to you and they are only making the situation worse.
Post # 5
Wow, that’s so bad. Your in-laws were way out of line. It’s sure that this is all steaming from concern for their son/brother, but they did not handle the situation well at all.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like he’s lucky to have such a caring and selfless wife by his side. 🙂
Post # 6
The brother sounds like a jerk. Sorry you have to deal with him.
Maybe the mother is just worried about her son? I know that if it were me in the hospital, my mum would be all over finding out what I should be eating and telling Fiance and me all about it. She would be doing it because mothers go a little nuts when their children are sick. I would try not to take it personally.
Post # 7
I should mention that for the most part, they are very good people. They welcomed me into their family and up until this hospital stay, we had a great relationship. I understand this is stressful on them but it’s 10x more stressful on us and they don’t understand that. They just get to sit back and watch and judge us while we have to deal with all of this. They have no idea the unnecessary stress they’ve caused.
Post # 8
@UpstateCait: First and foremost, his family needs to understand that your husband is 100% responsible for the shit he puts in his own mouth. Period. You have nothing to do with it. Period. You may do the grocery shopping, you may cook, but he’s doing the eating, and eating how much of whatever he is he is eating. So their grumpiness towards you is immediately illogical.
Second, if they text you, you should ignore it. If they see they can’t get a response from either of you, the irritants will stop. I’m sorry they are being so obnoxious, especially after such a crappy day. Just take it one day at a time, and maybe turn your phone off for a few days to recover. No one needs to be harrassed.
Post # 9
@Lemma: I know she’s concerned but we’re not stupid. Some suggestions here and there are fine but it’s been non stop berating for over a week. She is the definition of overbearing though so I don’t know why I expected anything less. She shows up to her adult sons doctors appointments for god sakes!
Post # 10
@StuporDuck: I didn’t reply to my BIL’s text because I literally couldn’t form the words. I knew that if I replied I would absolutely lose my shit and it wasn’t worth making the situation any worse. I WISH I could tell them how I feel because it’s eating me up inside. I want them to know what they’ve put us through but it’s not the time or place. They’ll get the hint when they don’t see either one of us for quite a while.
And I agree as far as DH’s eating habits. We’re both to blame but they see it as just me force feeding him toxic shit even though he likes the stuff just as much as I do.
Post # 11
@UpstateCait: It must be really annoying, I know. I think though that when you’re a mother, it’s hard to see your kid as grown up. That might explain the doctor’s appointment.
Good luck with this!
Post # 12
If they want to get on anyone about what your H eats then they need to get on HIM- you know the adult putting the food in his own mouth. Why does it fall to you? I don’t get that. Kudos to your H for being on your side and I hope they take 10 steps back. I’d be extremely upset too and my in laws getting in our business is one of the reasons I no longer speak to them. It sucks, but you aren’t alone! I hope they apologize to you guys once they calm the heck down.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry at everything you and your Darling Husband have been going through. I can’t imagine how stressful it all is. And I’m sorry your ILs are making it worse!!!
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: I feel like as a parent, I can understand her concern. As a mother, we only want to do anything to help our children be better. That being said, as a rational person, I know that overstepping and insulting the person my child is spending their life with is SO counter-productive. I think you have to have a honest talk with Darling Husband so that he can be the one to explain to her that you both understand and are willing to impliment these changes. If she is a decent, rational person, this will ease her mind. As far as BIL, I would steer clear of him in order to keep myself out of jail.
I am so sorry that life is so craptacular right now. Keep your chin up and best of luck with the new diet and the meddling family.
Post # 15
Does it make you feel any better to know that your post made me smile quite a few times (at things like “bitch-o-gram” and “furious to the millionth power”)? 🙂
Beyond that, which undoubtedly does not make you feel any better, I’m sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. His family should be on the same team as you, working to support you both right now. Bah.
Post # 16
Sorry you’re going through this. Whilst I’d put their reactions and responses down to worry (And I totally agree that this was inappropriately put), I’m sure this is something you will, in time, be able to get past.
Things must be so overwhelming for you both right now; if you’re anything like me, when I’m on the edge, things cut more deeply than they otherwise would. Continue to focus on your Darling Husband, the regime will get easier when you fall into it as a routine. I’m sure that the In Laws will realise that they have crossed a line and when the dust has settled, you may all be able to have a chat about this. If they haven’t had any sort of problem with you this far, then I’m sure this is something which can be dealt with.
Best of luck!