RANT: Stop pressuring me to have kids when I'm not even ENGAGED!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would reply with “Please stop encouraging me to have unprotected sex.” Or “I will not produce bastard children, I just will not!” 

Hopefully an outburst like that gets them to stop. 

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MexiPino:  I will truly never understand what makes people think that it’s ok to say things like that to anybody. First of all, who the heck’s business is it if/when somebody decides to have children? 

I am 22 and newly engaged, and I have been SHOCKED at what some people have said. One particlar person had the most insane reation I could have imagined. This family friend, who knows pretty much next to nothing about me, learned of my engagement and responded with “you’re only 22 and you’re engaged?! You MUST be pregnant” to which I responded, “Wow, what an incredibly ignorant and inappropriate thing to say, but if you MUST know, I have been with my FI for 6 straight years, 4 of which we long distance, have been discussing marriage for 3 years, and don’t plan to marry for at least a year. So no, I’m not pregnant.” To which I got THIS response, “Oh I’m sorry. Wow, I hadn’t realized you’d been seeing this guy for so long. In that case, what took so long?! Are you thinking about kids?”

UMMMMMM WHAT?! First I’m too young, now I’ve waitied too long? Lesson learned: people are bat shit crazy and there is no pleasing everybody, especially on the baby topic.

Post # 5
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

This has been the case for me too, and I am 24! It isn’t you. Stick to your principles.

 

Parents of the couple want you to have a child soon, because they are getting older and want to spend time with their grandchildren. They feel that the longer that you wait, the less time that they will have with the grandkids.

 

 At least, this is the case with my bf’s parents.

 

I know that it is frustrating (his parents asked him and I twice, together and seperately, during a vacation to visit us, whether or not I am pregnant and whether or not I am planning to get pregnant soon).

 Aunts, uncles, sisters, and friends probably see it as wanting a new baby to oh and ah over. It is exciting life event. They are probably having vicariously excited feelings at the prospect of a baby, and you may be the closest one in your circle to having a marriage and kids.

 

Try to see it as (annoying) love for your future children.

 

*hugs* best of luck

 

Post # 6
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MexiPino:  You are not kidding, and I totally feel for you. People say the most ridiculous things. My own Catholic mother asks me where the babies are.. I get that we’ve been together a fair bit but we’re young and waiting is OK!! 

When people are silly enough to ask such questions, I like to say “thanks for reminding me how fast my eggs are growing old!” it shuts’em up 😉

Post # 8
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MexiPino: Haha, let me know how it goes with the sex line. 😉

At least these people think you are fit to be a parent. They wouldn’t be saying it to people they didn’t want to reproduce! 

Post # 9
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MexiPino:  This is so rude.  I think asking when a couple is going to have kids is as rude as asking how much money they make a year or how much their house cost.

 

My BIL is asked this constantly…CONSTANTLY and you know what??? They just found out they can’t have kids.  People need to stop and think about what they’re asking other people – it’s none of their business.  Someone could have fertility issues or could have just had 4 miscarriages in a row.  

 

Post # 10
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My mom is already bugging us about kids.  It’s like, we’re not even married yet.  Let us enjoy this time, will ya? O_o

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MexiPino:  I think it is becoming more socially acceptable to have children outside of a marriage, especially if age is a factor. My friend is nearly 40 and her boyfriend is a few years older than that. They are focusing on TTC rather than a wedding (they already know they want to be together forever, so it’s enough for them).

It isn’t right that your family is pressuring you to meet their expectations, but they are probably just concerned for you. It sounds like you would be a great mom and I am sure they don’t want you to “miss your chance” so to speak. My sister will have 4 kids after the twins are born, so she takes a lot of pressure off me 😛

Post # 12
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@skippydarling:  Exactly. My FI would always comment to me about how this friend of his who has been married for YEARS still hasn’t procreated. Thankfully, he only said it to me. However, one day I responded: “How do you know they are not trying? It’s really none of our business, but you don’t know 10000% that they are not trying.

@MexiPino:  That would annoy me to no end. I actually get asked that by perfect strangers (I’m 30). My family and friends know that I have zero interest in children and would probably be better off not having them. Whatever I have of a “maternal instinct” gets taken up by my cat.

All in all, I have found that once you get engaged, you become sort of like public property for lack of better term. SO many people that I hardly talk to  suddenly would ask me about my weight and whether I was losing weight for the wedding the minute I got engaged. Then once I get married, I know those same people will ask the kiddy question.

Post # 14
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MexiPino:  Do you know that I’m terrified of this happening? My SO’s sister is in her 40’s and has no children, with no plans to have any. I’m sterile at this point in my life…and I’m dreading the day his mother starts asking about us TTC. Because…oh dear… I keep telling him to make sure that she knows that I’m sterile. 

-hugs- I’m sorry you have to deal with this right now though. 

Post # 15
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh, that’s so frustrating!  I wish people would start to realize that it’s pretty rude and inappropriate to ask, let alone pressure a couple about this.

I was totally floored by the way my aunts have been going on since I got engaged about us having kids.  I can’t even imagine being a mom at this point in my life (I just turned 25 and am really pushing hard to advance my career).  It’s crazy that people who know me so well seem to be hypnotized by my e-ring into thinking I need to start having babies!

Post # 16
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ahhhhhhhhh, I have my own thread about this here, and I’m 25. He’s 26. The ladies at my job were like “You’re next!” during a baby shower for a co-worker. FI’s mom left a comment on a pic of him holding our friend’s new baby that said, “That baby looks good on you!!!” I just replied “And he will have a long, looooooong time to practice on her too!” and she didn’t have much to say to that.

Ugh. I’m in the boat with you. People need to butt out and GTFO. None of their business. Don’t bring a kid into the world beacuse you’re “supposed” to. F that noise. 

*hugs*

ETA: The same ladies at my office told me I need to have a kid before I’m 30 otherwise I will be “old” while it’s growing up. T_____________T

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