Rant: Why the unrealistic expectations of pregnant women??!!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
8702 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Pregnancy isn’t classified as a disability [Per the ADA], not even a short term one (Although some states will allow women to take short term disability leave instead of/in conjunction with maternity leave. There are usually some stipulations on it, though) but I’ve noticed that the leniancy of work tends to vary from place to place.

Everywhere I’ve worked has had pregnant women take it easy, especially if they were very heavily pregnant. Most of the women I knew didn’t really appreciate the special treatment, they just wanted to go about their work day like nothing was different. But if they needed a moment to just stop, they were more than welcome to do so. People tend to be pretty understanding that your body is under a lot of stress and that you’ll naturally be drained, so I would think that calling out now and again wouldn’t be too bad unless your workplace has rules about sick days or days off in general.

Post # 4
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Reign14:  Sorry you are feeling crappy. Hopefully once you get into the second trimester, you will be feeling better.

That being said, I understand where you are coming from. I’m a teacher, so my job is very demanding. I was miserable at work the first trimester as I was just so exhausted all the time. I felt like I had to pretend I wasn’t mostly because people didn’t know I was pregnant. The second trimester is much better. You will feel like yourself again. However, now that I’m in the third trimester I feel like I am loosing my mind. I can’t think straight and get scatter brained often. I also have to take breaks and sit a lot more because I get so physically exhausted. Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed with the number of things I am asked to do during the day and I have to speak up and say no sometimes. People who haven’t been pregnant don’t understand and those who have been pregnant tend to forget. Make sure you are being a self advocate and letting people know how you feel. My students can tell that I’m not on my game these days and some try to take advantage of it, but most are sympathetic and willing to help me out.

Post # 5
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I suppose it depends on the kind of job you have. I had severe (not extreme, but pretty bad) exhaustion all along, not only first trimester, and kept working without too much of a probleme, but I’m sitting on my butt all day in front of a computer, so it’s not too draining.

What really helped me go through the days was to have a small walk (30m) every afternoon, I had to kick myself to get started, but it really helped me.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Te first trimester is miserable. But it gets SO much better in the second trimester!

Post # 7
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I think it depends on the woman, the situation, and the pregnancy. I’ve known plenty of women who were really angry when they were forced into less demanding jobs and watched like a hawk just because they were pregnant. I remember one of them venting to me: “it’s not a bloody disease!”

Post # 8
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Reign14:  If you need to take it easy, take it easy. What kind of work do you do? in my first pregnancy I worked full time as a speech therapist running around between sites to see kids and it was rough! I threw up more times while driving than I can count during first tri. During my second tri I felt MUCH better so there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

It is very important for you to listen to your body though. Right now your health and the health of your baby is priority number one. During my third tri I continued to “do it all” despite being HUGE. I am only 5 feet tall, 100 pounds not pregnant and an all around tiny person. My baby literally had nowhere to go bc I was so small. I continued to run around as to not slack off from my job which resulted in swollen legs and feet and delivering 5 weeks early. Theres no evidence that I delivered so early bc I was doing too much but it was definitely possible. To give you an idea of how big my baby was- I delivered an almost 7 pound baby at 35 weeks. She was huge and I was small. If she had cooked until 40-41 weeks she could have been 12 or 13 pounds according to my dr. This pregnancy I’m taking it easy. I’m not working and I’m asking for help with my daughter/house when I need it. Good luck and get some rest!

Post # 9
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Reign14:  I certainly don’t expect pregnant women to act exactly like they did before they were pregnant. I’m in my first trimester right now, and I know that with the way I am feeling, people are lucky I’m getting out of bed at all right now. The nausea and fatigue are just awful.

Is there someone who is putting pressure on you to act like nothing is happening? Or is it more pressure from within yourself to maintain your previous level of activity?

Post # 10
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

OP, I understand where you’re coming from. The PPs are right- every pregnancy is different.

I, for example, have had a relatively easy first trimester. I do have fatigue, but I haven’t been nauseous at all. It’s been easy for me to perform well in my job.

However, I have seen women doubled over every day for 3 months vomitting and nauseous at every turn. I think it is completely acceptable for them to acknowledge that they aren’t up to everyday tasks!

Sometimes I have gotten a vibe on certain threads that pregnant women should “suck it up”, but it really depends on the individual situation.

 

Post # 11
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel like I have encountered more of the opposite.  After about 14 weeks, I was feeling fine, and it annoys me beyond belief (thanks irrational hormones!) to be treated like a delicate flower just because I’m pregnant.  I have a job where I sit most of the day, but I like to stay active. I can still lift things and get my own drink of water or whatever. SOmeone actually approached me at the gym and told me that I should be ashamed for working out and putting my baby at risk.  WHAT?!

Post # 12
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Reign14:  Sorry you’re feeling crappy. The first trimester is miserable but it will pass.  If you feel the need to stay home sick, then do that.  I think the difference for me is that if I’m sick, I can infect other people and delay my recovery time by not taking it easy.  When it’s just pregnancy MS, though you feel just as (if not more) shitty, you’re not infecting other people and no amount of rest is going to make it go away faster.  Realistically, you can’t take every day off that you feel sick during pregnancy.  So, I prefer to wait and choose the days wisely.  I actually am off (well, working from home) for the first time at 36 weeks.  I am exhasuted, sore and just needed a day to be in my sweats and in my bed. 

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Reign14:  This is honestly why I told my boss right away I was pregnant because I was so tired, and I wanted to be able to have the ability to lay my head on my desk for a few minutes and rest my eyes.

The first trimester is hard. Then you feel ok (or like crap in my case because my 2nd tri was worse than my first), and the third comes and you’re tired again. It all comes down to listening to your body and deciding whether you truly can’t cope or not. I have taken 3 half days at work in my 30 weeks being pregnant due to high stress and exhaustion, and they more than understand because I even look sick.

Just listen to yourself, and take sick days if you need it. You shouldn’t have to pretend your fine. Pregnancy isn’t a disability, but it is harder doing work when you’re sick.

Post # 14
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

I had debilitating sickness in my first and second trimester, coupled with low blood pressure and dizziness. It sucks when people don’t understand, or are insensitive. 

Just know that it will get better!  My third trimester has weirdly been the best one so far.

Post # 15
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Everyone and every pregnancy is different. I feel that ppl who have not been pregnant generally get their ideas from Hollywood which makes it seem like pregnancy is a piece of cake.

I do wish ppl were a lot more educated regarding pregnancy. I myself didn’t realize how bad I was going to feel (like I am right now!) during my first trimester.

Post # 16
cherrypieBee
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

I feel really mentally spaced out, but physically I’ve been great the entire time minus a few weeks of being “under the weather” in the first tri. I’ve spent most of my pregnancy trying to remind people that it’s NOT a disability and that I can lift weights/ride my bike/live my life without their commentary and assistance. Sometimes I wish there were fewer demands on my intellect and time because I feel like such a space cadet, but in my experience people are mostly understanding of that. 

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