Rant/vent…starting to resent roommate

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@LadyBlackheart:  Ugh, that sounds terrible. I do remember a past thread of yours about trouble with the roommate. Is there any particular reason she doesn’t want him staying over? Like, is it one of those “I don’t want to come out of my room to make breakfast and find a dude wandering around in boxer shorts” kind of things? I wonder if there’s any other compromise to be made, like if he just stays in your bedroom instead of inhabiting the other living space or something. Some solution that lets her still feel comfortable while also letting you see your BF more often. I can’t imagine that him slipping in at midnight and then leaving in the morning is that disruptive to her! But, it is important to see both sides.

Post # 4
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Living with anyone requires sorting out and agreeing on some parameters for all sorts of issues.

I think there is a difference between her having someone over” Every now and then” and your BF spending more than 2 nights a week there.

I know you want to be with him more often, but I can see her point of view too. If he wants to be there all the time, he should consider paying rent. Would she go for that?

Post # 5
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

@LadyBlackheart:  I think you two need to sit down and talk this one out. You’re only goign to resent her more and more.

I do think you need to cool down before you sit down with her, throwing her one night stands in her face or saying something like “You don’t understnad because you’re not in a relationship” or that she’s a teenager is only going to piss her off.

I think that if you sit down and explain the situation maybe you can make adjustments to the schedule.

I do think that the majority of the week should be SO free if you are paying the same amount rent (even if you guys get along well I’m sure she’d prefer seeing him the amount she sees him now or less) but maybe having 3 nights a weke could be a compromise.

Post # 6
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Agreed! Have him chip in and then you both can have more time together and she saves some money…win win!

Post # 8
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Even though you’ve only got 6 months left on the lease, I would talk to her now about this.  When I had roomies, it was the one of the first things discussed.  I do understand her point of view.  It sucks to start out with one roomie, and all of a sudden, there’s another person living there, not contributing to the rent, but he’s contributing to the mess that has to get cleaned!  Sit down and set some boundaries that you’re all comfortable with.  I can tell you that I would have been seriously weirded out if my roomie’s BF or GF came over without them just to change while I was home.  But I’d have been fine if they stayed the night as long as I didn’t have to see any bare asses in the morning and they kept the noise down.  If he stayed the night more often than he stayed at his own place, I’d want to know why he wasn’t contributing to the rent.  But everyone’s different, and everyone has their own comfort level.  I’m sure you can find a solution that everyone will be ok with.

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  I feel for your situation. I understand wanting to see your BF as much as possible, but I feel for your roommate too. As nice and unobstrusive as your BF might be, the fact is that having him there changes the dynamic. I personally don’t think it’s appropriate to have guests over unatended to (I would never be ok with roomie’s BF being at home while she wasn’t there). I don’t mean to be insensitive, but unless this was discussed when she entered the roommate situation, it’s unfair to change it now. 

Post # 10
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  She has every right to not want another previously unagreed about roommate. Your bf regularly staying over increases her costs as much as yours. Showers, extra electrical and water being used it adds up. I would not be okay with footing half the bill for a roommates boyfriend to stay over regularly either. You could try being calm, rational and reasonable and discussing a compromise. Such as he pays partial rent and utilities when he stays over in excess. Otherwise, you have nothing to complain about, if you don’t like it find a roommate that is willing to foot the bill for your bf or get your own place.

Post # 11
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

@LadyBlackheart:  I’m confused. You said before in the previous one that you gave your SO a key and he was popping in to change occasionally.

That, by definition, would be him being there when you weren’t.

I’m not trying to call you out or anything but if that was the case then perhaps she is afraid of being in any way lenient for fear it will turn into the previous situation which was not working for her.

I still think you need to sit down and listen to one another’s points of view. Perhaps put forth that he would only be staying over 3 nights a week and any more than that would have to be approved by her?

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m siding with your roommate on this one. She agreed to move in with a girl. Not a girl and, part time, a girl and her boyfriend.

If your roommate wasn’t a teenage girl (which is not negative. we don’t get to pick our age) it would still be the same situation. Having someone’s boyfriend stay at your place more than every so often is annoying whether you’re 19, 26 or 70.

 

If this is such a big issue, you could just break the lease and move in with him now or you could ask your roommate if she’s willing to split rent and bills three ways instead of two ways and have him move in in your bedroom.

 

It’s really not her fault that your BF lives with his parents.

Post # 13
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I had the same prob in college with my roomates.   Hang in there you’re almost living with him 😀 😀 😀

Post # 14
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Forgot one thing : “Why is it okay for her to occasionally bring guys home for a one-night thing but it’s not okay for my BF to spend the night more than 2 nights a week? “


because the main issue is not who the person is but how often the person is staying

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