Post # 1
Ok, I am using all hypothetical names here.
Say my DH’s name is David Alan Jones. David is a family name, and is my DH’s, his fathers and his grandfathers name. DH has no relationship with these 2 men whatsoever.
So, we are talking boy baby names and we love the name, say it’s Michael. LOVE the name. We have a few discussions about it and I say to him, “Great! It’s settlled then and Michael it is.” DH says, “Well…” and says to me while he loves the name Michael, he would rather name the baby David Michael, but call the baby Michael, just to where he can keep David as the family name. I ask him why he would want to do this seeing as how he has no relationship with his father or grandfather. He says it could be a new tradition for him and our child. I ask him would he agree to using the same middle name? Michael Alan? Or Michael David to where we would still be keeping his family name. He shot down both ideas and has dug his heels in.
Bees, to me, if you’re going to call a child by its middle name then that to me should be their name. Am I being unreasonable? To me it’s just confusing and would be simpler. If I am not being fair I will listen!
Post # 3
Call the kid by his first name! My dad goes by his middle name, has for 40 years, and it still confuses people.
Post # 4
Ya I never understood rhe “go by the middle name” thing. I would dig YOUR heels in too. Why does he get to automatically make the decision by digging in his heels? It’s your baby too 🙂
Post # 5
@r_hink: My FI’s entire family goes by their middle name. It’s not confusing at all and I think it’s a really cute tradition. I don’t really see the problem. Teachers in school always ask you what you want to be called and when you introduce yourself, you give your own name, no one is looking at your birth certificate. If this is important to him, let him have David Michael and go by Michael for the baby – sometimes you have to pick your battles, are you sure this is one you want to fight if this is that important for him to have the first name be David??
Post # 6
I can’t stand when people give their child a name that they have no intention of using. If you’ll call him Michael and everyone will know him as Michael, then his name should be Michael.
Post # 7
@r_hink: well, David is your husband’s name and using it would honor him. His relationship to the other Davids is almost irrelevant – but maybe his name is the only way he feels connected to his family? And maybe it’s a connection he wants to share with his son? I do know plenty of people who go by their middle name and it is not confusing at all – I always address people by the name they introduce themselves as. i also know plenty of people who give themselves entirely new names and it isn’t an issue.
i only say these things to maybe help you see it from another angle. Both parents should love their child’s name, and you don’t love the idea. Give him time to cool down and then ask him to explain what the name David means to him, independent of his father and grandfather.
Post # 8
David Michael, like Kristy’s younger brother?
Post # 9
@MrsSawyer: Thank you, it is my baby, too! After all, I do have to sign the birth certificate, lol.
@Erin418: Thank you for your points. I like the name David, just don’t care for it for my child. I could not honestly say I would love his name if it was David Michael. You said give him time to cool off and it has been a few days. That is why I wrote the post because he has not budged, which is very unusual. He says he has always wanted to name his first born son David seeing as how it’s a family name.
From what he tells me, any name we come up with he would want it to be the middle name with David being the first, and calling him by the middle name. On any name we choose!! This is just really hard for me, and I can’t explain why.
Post # 10
I think his name should be what you will call him. I had a friend growing up who went by an abbreviation of her middle name from birth and even she was confused about her real name!
Post # 11
This advice is coming from someone who married a man who uses his middle name as his first (as per his parents wishes)… it is a nightmare when it comes to all things involving legal documents, travel itineraries and the works. For privacy sake I’ll say his name is Timothy John. He goes by John.
His mom thought it would look nice to have his first name used as an “initial” when he was older.. ie: T. John Lastname. Well, in theory yes. But, he’s always been known as John. Except for in school, when ppl obviously called him Timothy as that was on every class list, identity card etc. His drivers licences is in John. His birth certificate is obviously in Timothy John. His passport says T John Lastname. Do you see where Im going with this?! LOL. It’s brutal. We were denied boarding a flight last year because he didn’t have a single piece of EXACT matching identity cards with his name identical on all. No one calls him Timothy. Ever.
I’d say, if you like Michael – use Michael David. Trust me, it will save all sorts of headaches down the road!!! I am constantly frustrated when having to use his name or document it somewhere…. if you want to call your son Michael, use Michael. David is a wonderful middle name and in no way is less special because it’s not his first. 🙂
Post # 12
why not make the family name the middle name?
Post # 13
Personally, the same tradition is in my DH’s family – but the name is only passed to the eldest son, and he’s the second born, so we dodged the bullet. The kicker, though, is that DH is the ONLY person in his immediate family that uses his actual first name – all three of the rest of them, his mom included, go by their middle name. (The tradition in DH’s family is the same first name, followed by whatever middle name – for example, his dad could be George William, and his brother could be George Scott).
It’s really not all that confusing. It’s always fun to see people’s faces when they find out that DH’s brother’s name isn’t his real first name, but the only real problems have been cases where the family is traveling together and you just have to watch to ensure G. William gets his ticket, and G. Scott gets his.
My advice is go with what works for the best for both of you – it’ll work out this way, for sure, but definitely I hope you guys find something that makes sense for both.
Post # 14
you must not be from the South haha:)
you’ll meet/know all kinds of people who dont go by their first names!
In all seriousness, I like the idea of having someone’s first name their true first name. I know, have dated before and am currently married to someone who has a very strong family name tradition. Luckily, my DH is very attached to his middle name– so regardless of the first name we pick out, every boy we ever have will have the same middle name :/
If your DH is unwilling to compromise on this, take solace in the fact that there are tons of people out there who DO use their middle name as their primary, so it won’t be the most unheard of thing.
Post # 15
@StaceyA: I am most afraid of this.
@bella128: I offered that, and he does not like that idea.
Those of you who have said that it is not as bad as it seems are comforting. Hopefullly we can come to some agreement that we can both be happy with. I hope! Lol.
Post # 16
@r_hink: And don’t forget carry and birth the thing 😉