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We were JUST talking about this too..
BUT I told him we should create a new last name to incorporate both of our last names..and he denied me. ha ha. So, we're both keeping our last names..(for now).
It's a cute idea. I like my last name better than my fiance's, but he's pretty attached to his, too, which is completely fine. Neither of us feels the need to change our names. I know a man who did it because he wasn't close to his own family at all, but loved his in-laws and wanted to feel like he belonged to their family. Although it did bring up the awkward situation of him keeping the new surname, even after he got divorced...
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My FI's brother did it. It does happen yup.
I personally find it weird to call him by his wifes name...but to each their own I guess!
I would love for FH to do it, but he refuses. He doesn't care if I keep my maiden name, so that's the compromise. We even played around with the idea of coming up with a new name, but I think keeping our 'original' names is better.
I honestly don't get the big deal about taking your husband's name. It was special to me. His first wife didn't, because she was in medical school, and he said it always seemed like she had one foot out the door. I didn't want him to feel the same way about our relationship, so I planned from the start to change my name. So, when we got married, I took his name and I'm Kate MaidenName HusbandsName. It's great for me.
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@HappiJoyce - I am SOOO trying convince my finace to do that too, he isnt budging yet but I still have 11 months left. He keeps whining about how hard it would be for 2 people to change there names, but I want to keep some of mine!
My FI's last name is Ho. Really. My last name could be Ho. I'm still trying to decide.
Mr. K and I always joke that if his parents weren't around we would totally take my last name. They would totally disown us!
manmbinki -
I am so there with you! My fiances last name starts with an L and rhymes with Turkey!
He REFUSES to take my last name, hates the idea of finding a mutual last name, and really wants me to take his. and i want to get that special feeling of being that close to him...but it feels like i am loosing a part of my 27 yr old identity.
still dont know what I am going to do...
I certainly wouldn't mind if society as a whole passed names on matrilinally! In our case though since his name is just three letters long he often gets called by his first and last name. Not to mention that in his profession (rodeo cowboy) your name means a lot and if people know you by it it's not really something you want to change, much like having publications. Of course, I think my last name is much cooler and so am reluctantly moving it to be my second middle name (as will he).
I joked with my husband that we should create a new last name. Since I LOVE CATS (word Mrs Kitten) and always wanted to be one and he idolized his grandpa whose last name was Tom-I suggested our last name could be TomCat. He laughed but didn't go for it. We still refer to ourselves as the TomCats in jest.
I just offically changed my name yesterday. I was really happy to get a new drivers license photo though!
My FI and I discussed this--but we both have two common last names that end similarly so a combo wouldn't work out. And hyphenating we both didn't like. We have friends who both have really cool last names, so they both took the same last name Her Last Name His Last Name--but they have cool names. One of my professors and his wife did the combo thing. Unfortunately our names are not cool enough for that! He doesn't care if I take his last name or not, but I am doing it (in part because i always knew i would get rid of my last name because to me it is a symbol of my father's family and my dad didn't raise me).
Mr Frenchie and I joke about combining our names - they combine PERFECTLY, but his dad would be upset.
Lovespearls: I tried to bring up that idea here and there throughout our engagement (2 years) and still, it's a no go. =( He said, if we create a new last name, we won't have a connection to any family. I suppose that's true. I said, but we have a connection to OUR family -- the one you and I are creating. He said..Um..no. ha ha.
Hopefully, you'll have better luck. ;)
KateMW - I can only speak for myself, but the there are several reasons this is a big deal for me.
The historian/feminist in me just thinks about the whole "now I'm his property and I belong to him" thing. Yes, yes, yes, I know that's not true anymore but it is why it was done in the first place.
I've spent 28 years figuring out who I am and my name is part of that. Giving that up feels like giving up part of my identity. I know my identity is more than my name, but my name is certainly part of it. I know who Courtney Yadayada is, I don't know who Courtney Blahblah is (yet).
I also have a few degrees and licensure in my maiden name - changing that risks a lot of confusion for gov't offices/schools/etc. Not to mention any publications I have in my maiden name or anything like that.
Last, I think El Capataz has a point - why not have men change their names? If it's not a big deal, why aren't more men doing it?
I'm right there with you, cfitz621. It was a HUGE deal to me. I think it's kind of a bummer that sometimes women are taken less seriously as wives if they don't change their name. The hardest wedding related decision for me was what to do about our names!
My FI will be changing his name slightly by adding my maiden name as a second middle name for him (which we're both doing). It was important to us that if one changed, both did, so I was really happy that he was so willing to change! I think it's unfortunate that more men don't, it seems like a lot out there won't even give it a second thought. Geez, even my FI was a bit reluctant to tell certain (more traditional) friends of his that he was taking my name as part of his bc he thought they'd tease him! I wish it was more "normal" for men to change theirs, too.
I should add that I do understand that it's a VERY personal decision. I also should add that it's how my husband and I felt. His issues with it stem from his ex and I was more than happy to do it for him. I also kept my maiden as my middle and use all three to sign things, so I do get it out there. :) As far as my name being my identity, I've always felt that my personality is much more a part of who I am then my name. You can call me Jane, but I'd still have my personality. :)
I would it if the Mister would take my last name. He has a son from a previous relationship though with his last name and I doubt baby's mama would like for her kid to take on my last name. LoL. We talked about creating a new last name, but hubby comes up with ridiculous names...like Diamondz.
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My husband's mother's maiden name (did you get all of that?) is the same as my (now maiden) last name. We can't find any relation. His uncle (mother's brother) joked with him after we got engaged, wanting to know if he was going to change his last name and become a real member of the family. :-)
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Following up Mr. Bee's post about changing last names, I just found out a co-worker actually did it.
He actually wrote a note in his profile in the company's intranet that read:
"It's a subtle point, but my bachelor name "John Doe" is not my complete legal name. While still useful for referring to me, technically, Doe became my middle name upon marriage."
So there it is. It can happen.