Post # 1
Over a ago my fiance and I (together 6 years now) were planning a huge 400 person wedding. The month before wedding, we had been having many problems in our relationship and I ended up cheating on him with a coworker and lying to him and family about it. We called off wedding and the affair came out weeks later, I ended up hospitalized and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. We got back together when I got out of the hospital and we have worked out all of our issues and I’m stable with medication and therapy and have been for nearly a year.
He just gave me my ring back and we are talking about making plans in the future to be married.
I know now that I would never want a huge wedding and nearly nothing like before. Many people in our family and friends were hurt by everything that happened and I’m not sure how to go about making new plans. I understand that some of his friends/family still have some resentment toward me, and while it hurts I can deal because I know we are meant for each other and I will never make the same mistakes.
Etiquette-wise, do I still have to invite everyone on the original guest list?
Also, we were pressured into a lot of things by both of our parents. How do we tell them no to their own plans and their “required” (100+ each) guest list?
Post # 3
first off, this is a completely different engagement, so no, you don’t have to invite everyone on your original list. in terms of the parental invites, unfortunately, a lot of that depends on who is financing.
Post # 4
No you do not have to invite all the same people
Who is paying for the wedding? If just you and your FI are, I’d dictate to the parents that you each get x number of invites.
However if the parents are paying, it’s harder to tell them they can’t invite certain people.
Finally, why don’t you elope? Or have a very small destination wedding, so it’s really about the two of you?
Post # 5
You don’t have to invite all the same people. In fact, given the circumstances I’d imagine it would be more appropriate to have it be a more intimate event.
Post # 6
@KatyElle: I with you. Well said.
Post # 7
Thanks for the supportive responses! In regards to who is paying, FI and I will be footing the bill, although the first time around my parents, FI and I all lost a bit of money in the cancellations.
Post # 8
@KatyElle: Me too! Given the past, I would think it would be best to have a beautiful destination wedding and avoid weird moments so that you can enjoy your day.
Post # 9
I agree I think the best would be to have an intimate wedding – it sounds like you and your FI would prob enjoy this more – and it eliminates all the emotions that your guest may be feeling from loosing possible money from your first engagement.
Post # 10
I don’t have anything to add because PP have already said it. But I just wanted to say congratulations and I’m so glad you’re feeling better and getting married! I suffer from Bi-Polar II as well and I know how difficult it can make your life at times.
So, congrats and I wish you well:)
Post # 11
I agree with everything else. You want people there who support you and are happy for you on that day and not thinking back about what happeend. I would have something smaller, or perhaps do a great destination wedding. You are under no circumstances to invite anyone from before. (However, if you kept presents than maybe)
Post # 12
Glad you that you worked through your issues. Since your both paying, I think its fine to take the lead on who you both want to invite. Probably the pressure to originally have such a large guest list didn’t help the first time around, so keep it simple this time.
Post # 13
I agree with everyone else who said you don’t have to invite everyone on the original list. In fact, I’d go so far as to say you SHOULDN’T. I definitely feel like the most appropriate thing to do is to have a very small, intimate wedding (like, under 20 people) or elope. Going forward with the planning, I think it’s important to not assume that anything your or his parents offered to help with is still a standing offer.
Post # 14
First off, CONGRATS!!! I also want to congratulate you on managing your problem well. 🙂 Being bi-polar isn’t easy and I know someone who is bi-polar. I’m sooo glad you’re doing so well!!! And I’m glad to hear you and your FI have worked through it all and are stronger than ever!!!!
Now, as to the problem of the invites! Firmly tell the parents you are NOT having a big wedding. Give each a set number (if you’re feeling REALLY generous and want them to have any say) and say “no more or WE will cut people”.
If you aren’t feeling so generous, you two can pick and choose who YOU want and your family can just deal. That’s what my FI and I are doing. (I only listened to my mom when she mentioned people I forgot and, had I remembered, would’ve invited…)
A destination wedding is also a great idea! I stumbled across several packages in my state for really small intimate “destination/elopement” weddings. The max number of guests was around 15-20 depending on the place. 🙂 There were some that was JUST for the bride and groom!!!
good luck!!! and I wish you both the best! 🙂
Post # 15
Yeah I would also say its not really necessary to invite everyone that was on the previous list!