Post # 1
I was reading a book tonight, and a character in the book reminded me of an old acquaintance. We lost touch after he lost his wife (30yrs old) to a really difficult and long battle with cancer. They had 3 little girls. It was tragic.
Anyhow, I looked him up on facebook and I surprised myself with my reaction…
I was happy to see that he had met someone else. But then I started to look through his photos and my happiness turned to TEARS as I was browsing through his new wedding photos…and the photos of their new baby.
I feel so selfish and I KNOW that I am. I’m honestly so happy that he’s happy…but yet it stung a bit.. though his first wife was truely an angel on earth and I know she wanted the girls to have another mom in their life and wanted him to re-marry.
I’ve never had anyone in my immediate family or best friend group deal with loss of a spouse, and I’m so incredibly thankful to have mine by my side.
Have you ever discussed death with your spouse and your feelings about allowing them to move on, re-marry, and add kids to your family? Or is that morbid?!
Post # 3
We have discussed that we would be happy for each other to move on and find someone else if one of us passed away.
Post # 4
@tampalove35: This could have been my friend except they had 2 boys and a girl. I’m not privvy to what she said to her husband, but she knew she was dying and I’m guessing she gave her blessing for him to remarry. He has remarried and her parents were even invited to the wedding (and attended). Yes it’s sad that the kids’ mother is no longer with them, but I think the remarriage has been good for all of them.
And yes, DH and I have each said the other can remarry if widowed.
Post # 5
My cousin married a widower. She had actually worked with his wife and would come over to visit and bring food for the family when the wife was sick. I remember feeling weird about it knowing that she knew his first wife but who was I to judge? They have a son in addition to his kids from his first marriage and from what I can tell they all get on well.
I haven’t discussed but I would want DH to remarry.
Post # 6
DH just brought this up tonight. He got some crappy junk mail offer for life insurance (and being the sarcastic person he is … we both are) he said “Life insurance, nope, everyone can just keep on living after I die.”. Then he looked at me and said “Seriously, I die you keep on living… I mean it.”.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
We’ve talked about it, and decided (for us) that we both feel it would be selfish to force the other to be alone for the rest of our lives. My FI’s happiness is very important to me and I know it would already be tough (for him or me) to have to deal with the loss of the other. That said, I wouldn’t want him to have any additional burden by coming to terms with being on his own for the rest of his life. Who would want to live abiding by such restrictions, especially if you meet someone who makes you happy?
No one should have to be alone and unhappy if they can help it.
Post # 8
FI and I have talked about it a few times. While I want him to move on if I were to pass, we both agree that we don’t think we would be able to remarry. I can’t imagine being with anyone other than him, and wouldn’t want any other man to raise our children. I would definitely move back to my hometown, to be close with my brother so our kids would have a strong male role model.
Post # 9
@tampalove35: I can speak from personal experience… My husband passed away suddenly a little over 5 years ago at the age of 39. Our son turned 4 a week later. Although we had spoken hypothetically about what we would want for each other to do in that circumstance, I really never expected it to become my reality.
That said, I’m about to be married again later this month. For some time I never I thought I would, but I have found another wonderful man who loves me and cherishes my son. I have to admit, at times I have a sense of guilt in moving forward with my life.
However, whenever I do, I think about how happy my FI has made me, and how happy my son is to have a father figure in his life. While he will always remember his father, he is very close to FI. So, I count my blessings that I have have been fortunate enough to find two great men in my life.
Post # 10
My mom passed away when I was really ,really young.My dad re-married a few times, and I truly had my fair share of crappy step-moms.
I will give my blessings for my FI to remarry if that day should come, but there will be a ‘list” of some sorts .I would not want my kids to suffer like I did,cause my dad couldn’t “choose” properly.Also,I love my FMIL to death, and her blessing for his new spouse would be essential! That and a good friend of mine.If he makes the choice with help from them, I am sure my Future kiddos will be ok!
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Whenever it comes up he says he will never dateafter I die. Of course I know he more than likely will and I’m okay with that… As long as ge mourns my death for a few years :p .
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
We haven’t had an in-depth conversation but we both agree that nobody should be alone for the rest of their lives. I think if we lost each other we could both move on with the knowledge that we each would want the other to do whatever they needed to do to live a long and happy life, and to provide that for our family.
Post # 13
Wow how bittersweet. My FI and i would both want each other to move on if either of us passed away. As a pp said, it would be incredibly selfish to ask one another to stay single forever. I did ask, though that if we have children to please listen to what they say and make sure they’re okay with it, too and to focus on them for a little while before thinking about moving on. I would do the same.
Post # 14
@tampalove35: We haven’t had this discussion. However, my dad is just starting to date. Mom passed away 4 years ago. It’s been weird… but I’m so happy for him. He met mom when he was 14 and always lived either with his parents or my mom. Since both my sister & I are in relationships and out of the house, I think he’s really lonely, so I’m very glad he’s getting out there.
Post # 16
I definitely would want my SO to move on. Obviously I wouldn’t want him rushing things though, I would expect him to wait as long as he was with me to get married, but I doubt if he would get married again (if I die after we get married). I wouldn’t want some tramp taking over all my things either… or getting to close to my cat. hah
ETA: My dad died fairly young (early 50’s) and my parents were separated at the time, heading towards divorce. My mom hasn’t dated anyone really since the beginning of their separation, she said she’s fine without a partner because she has us kids- it’s definitely not because she’s still hung up on our dad.