Post # 1
Last night I met up with a friend who I haven’t seen in a while, and I was telling her that me and Mr. Bells are discussing marriage. She then said “I never want to get married, why should I? Why do people have to make their relationship into an institution? In my opinion that shows that you don’t trust each other enough. Why can’t you be happy with just living together?” I tried to explain to her that to me, marriage is very important, and I would never be happy with just living together, but she did not understand at all.
I am not sure if she will be invited to the wedding if that’s her attitude.
Have any of you ladies had any negative reactions from friends and family to your upcoming marriage? How did you deal with it?
Post # 3
I don’t really have much advice for you and can’t think of an example where I experienced a similar situation. I’m sure I had negative comments in the beginning (June will be a year since we’ve been engaged) but I can’t remember them. My best advice would be to try and shake it off….what’s right for one person is not always the same for another and everyone has their own opinions.
I also wanted to add that IMO it would be the other way around. When reading the senario your friend discribe I immediately thought that in this case there isn’t enough trust to get married. These people are more comfortable ‘just living together’ because they lack that level and commitment to one another and this way they can get out easily if need be. I think you have to have complete trust to be able to ‘give’ your life to someone in a way such as marrige, but that’s just my opinion.
Post # 4
SandDollar, I completely agree. I understand that some people don’t wanna get married, but I think it’s unacceptable for those people to have a go at their friends who actually do want to get married.
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re friend approached this in the best manner. I understand she has an opinion and obviously feels comfortable enough sharing it with you. Once you explained your opinion though, I hope she didn’t try to continue her point of view.
In the future, I would just tell nay-sayers. I am sorry that you don’t agree with what I have chosen in my life. Even though, it’s not for you. I would like for you to be happy for me, because it is what I want.
A difference of opinion is fine but, if they can’t be happy for you …then that’s when I wouldn’t invite them.
Post # 6
Sounds like she was just expressing her opinion, probably because she’s a tad jealous of all ur wedding glory even if she doesn’t want to do it herself. I know alot of people these days “don’t believe in marriage” which I think just makes it easier to get out of a relationship, I don’t get it.
As long as she doesn’t tell u not to get married and she is your friend, invite her. Seen too many friendships ruined over not inviting…that’s a whole nother story 🙂
Post # 7
It sounds like your friend might not have done a good job expressing her feelings. For a long time, I questioned the institution of marriage. It just seems like a lot of people view it as a natural progression of a relationship, without really examining the reasons why you’d want to enter into a commitment like that. Personally, I think that every single person who gets married should be able to answer, “Why do you want to get married?” For some people, it’s because they want to have children and feel that they’ll be more of a family if they’re married. For others, it’s the realization that they want to spend their life with someone and want to vow in front of all of their loved ones that this is what they intend to do. Regardless of the reasons behind it, though, I think everyone should be able to answer, “Why?”
In regards to your friend, maybe she’s overruled all of her possible reasons why she’d want to wed and is simply happier without the legal entanglements. Or maybe she objects to the overlap of church and state, which occurs in most (all?) marriages. For whatever reason, her answer to “Why not?” is more persuasive to her than her response to “Why?” Either way, though, if you were intending to invite her, I don’t think her reaction should cause you to cut her from the guest list.
Post # 8
I find that when people say things like this – it’s a defense mechanism. She herself is not married, so she’s reacting in a protective way. I take it that she is not married? I think that her comment speaks more about her own insecurities and her not having someone who is willing to make this commitment. Therefore, she’s making what you have sound insignificant so that she does not feel like she is behind…it’s really sad, actually.
Post # 9
I agree that this type of comment is a defense mechanism.
I find that a few people who don’t know FI and I personally will say things like “Don’t get married” or “you’re too young” and I find it completely offensive.
My wedding will be just before my 24th birthday. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and hate when people who don’t know anything about me try to tell me otherwise.
Post # 10
I actually know a guy who is similarly opposed to weddings. I was going to invite him to mine anyway, but he said not to bother, because he won’t come. You should still invite your friend, unless you’re actually afraid that she won’t be a good guest at your wedding. Just because she doesn’t want to get married doesn’t mean she’ll sabotage yours. 🙂
Post # 11
I just did today! His aunt was going off about how we should just go to the court house and get married….. She went on and on…. It kinda got on my nerves but everyone was just rolling there eyes about it. I think If it makes me happy wny cant I get married. Its about me and my fiance making the choice to be togeather. There is always someone who dosent agree. Either way if you were not getting married or if you are someone will have thier ideas about it !!!