Post # 1
I wrote back in Janurary regarding my future MIL and how terrible her behavior has been during this whole wedding planning process. Now, something just awful has happened and I think cancelling the wedding will most likely happen. We mailed out the wedding invites last week to all our friends & family. My fiance and I had worked on them and were very pleased with how they came out, until this past Friday. Apparently, his family received the invites and were offended at the fact that his parents were not included in the invites. They said its Latino tradition to list both sets of parents on the invites and my parents were listed on there (since they are giving me away to his family, and they are hosting & paying for the wedding). We were completely unaware of this, as we had asked for help from his side of the family and this was never told to us. I am not aware of Latino tradition (because I’m not Latino) and I was following the traditions that I know in American culture, the brides parents are listed on the invites, not the grooms. Now, his family are saying terrible things about me (I’m spoiled, a brat, I wear the pants in the relationship, among some other things I can’t say on here) all because of a stupid invitation. This is so upsetting to me and my family, that they are behaving like children. We have gone through great lengths to include his Latino traditions in our wedding ceremony and reception. They want everything their way for the wedding, and have not offered to pay one dime. They say they have no money, yet they are talking expenisve trips out of the country, have a small business that is picking up, etc, when we are struggling to pay for a wedding in this economy. Now, in addition to us not knowing about this Latino tradtion, I am now a terrible person to him and they question my integrity and how I treat their son. Who really remebers who’s name was on a wedding invitation in 10-20-30 years from now? Its the marriage that counts and the love that’s there. And if their Latino tradtions are right, and my American traditions are right, how come their Latino tradtions are ALWAYS right, my American traditions are always WRONG, in addition to them having everything their way in OUR wedding? Has anyone ever heard of this or had this happen to them? His family members are very controlling and he doesn’t want to speak up, because he is afraid of conflict and doesn’t want to be put in the middle of his family and his future wife. I have been with him and involved in his family for 5 and half years, and I was unaware that people I considered to be my family could be so malicious and say such awful things about me. Had I known about these things, I would have never agreed to the engagement & wedding. We have already mailed the invites and the wedding is 2 months away. My Dad does NOT want to give me away to such a hostile family now, and is worried about how my future husband will protect me from his family. I don’t blame him for this, I would be worried too if this were my child. This is just the worst thing that could ever happen and we are at a lost. We are really good to each other, love each other a lot, and my fiance is a saint, he works hard and does anything he can to help others. I’m upset, because he does not derserve this from his family. I really don’t know what to do to fix this. My Mom is saying to just cancel the wedding, elope somewhere and have our honeymoon. But, he was so happy and looking forward to having a church wedding with our families and friends. I thought un-inviting most of his trouble making family members, but he can’t do that or he’ll be disowned by his family. I don’t want to take his dream and my dream of a church wedding away, but I’m at a loss. I would really appreciate some comments/help from anyone who can give some inslight. Thanks.
Post # 3
This is bad and I am Latina so I guess I can speak well at least for my family and thats how some Latino families are. They talk lots of garbage ( I am speaking for my family so don’t be offended)….and at the end of the day they get over it. Maybe they don’t like that their son is marrying an American terrible to say and think especially in this day and age, but o well get married and be happy. A slong as your FI is with you and is supporting you infront of his family then you shouldn’t be listening to what anyone has to say including me these are just my two cents. Don’t cancel the wedding if you and your FI love each other.
Post # 4
We were completely unaware of this, as we had asked for help from his side of the family and this was never told to us.
We had to deal with similar things and you know what, you asked them for their input and they passed. It’s their own darn fault and their loss. They can’t really complain now and they sure don’t have ground to stand on about this.
His family members are very controlling and he doesn’t want to speak up, because he is afraid of conflict and doesn’t want to be put in the middle of his family and his future wife…My Dad is worried about how my future husband will protect me from his family…but he can’t do that or he’ll be disowned by his family.
My future husband not being able to put me first would be the big issue here. One way or another he is going to have to make a choice and if he doesn’t choose you, then yes you need to cancel the wedding and not get married at all until he can stand up for you and him. Sorry but if my DH refuses to do something about their behavior because of the fear of being disowned, we have a problem. His family has control over him and until he can let the guilt go about not making them mad by standing up for his family (yes, you and him), he isn’t ready to get married.
If you do decide to go through with this marriage, I say screw his family. Do what you and FI want. Period. You’ve asked for input, aren’t getting any and then they complain. This is your day, not theirs. They have been totally uncooperative and even if you did EVERYTHING their way, they would still be complaining. So give them something to complain about and do what you want!
Post # 5
He needs to defend you. You will be his NEW family after the wedding. My biggest issue with my bf is that he doesn’t defend me. We have almost broke up several times becasue of it and it is one of the biggest things holding us back. If he wont defent you now then he most likely wont defent you in 10 years or 20 years or 50 years.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I’m with others that say that your FH has GOT to stand up for himself and for YOU! I think you should have your wedding, you both deserve a happy day for the two of you…But he needs to tell his family to stop this behavior immediately and if they are upset about it, their loss…But seriously, it is his responsibility to support you, his future wife, and that is more important that hurting family members who have already hurt you both…Tell him to man up and make it clear that this behavior is not acceptable!
Post # 7
I think it’s good it happened before the wedding. This is a very important issue for your fiancé and you to work out. If he won’t stand up to you now, you will have years of misery. He must grow some balls and tell his family to cut it out. Calmly explain that if they have traditions that are so important to them, they should have requested you include them in the invitation earlier. Now that ship has sailed and they should get over it. (Besides, if anything they should be mad at their son for failing to mention it, not you, who is not even aware of their traditions.)
The main thing is that it’s your guy that has to do the talking and present a unified front with you. The way you handle this will set the tone for the rest of your marriage. Don’t let them bully you and if your fiancé won’t put you first I would agree with your family and call off the wedding.