Post # 1
I’ve read some of the other posts of other members with situations similar to mine. I’m literally at a lost and I’m hoping to get some good advice from others. I’ve been with my fiance for 5 years and he’s wonderful, no complaints. We are an inter-racial couple (he’s Hispanic and I’m Black). My future in laws are great and I’ve had no complaints until recently, mainly with FMIL. I’ve found out that she thinks we we get married, that I’m going to keep him from seeing/talking to her and his family. And apparently, her son will not be around anymore to take care of her (even though she is married). This is not the case. She is completely indifferent to the wedding and critizes EVERYTHING. My main problem is her indifference and her thinking I’m going to keep him away from his family. She complains about details of the wedding (the Save the Date print is too small, how come my name comes 1st and not his name, etc). When we were asked about gift registry, I told them I would like to register at target, Bed bath & beyond and Macy’s. The response about Macy’s was it was too expensive, so we can afford anything from there. Then I swapped out Macy’s for Walmart because of the price, and I got complaints about Walmart being too cheap and why would I pick a place like that. I mean, really? His family has not helped with any financial detail of the wedding. I understand times are tough and I have not asked for much. If they cannot help financially, I was fine with helping with other aspects (favors, decorations, etc) that was cheaper. But, nothing has been done. His family simply seems like they dont care at all about the wedding. They are not excited, nor care at all about the wedding. I was so happy and excited for the whole thing, but now I want to cancel the wedding. My Mom and Dad are so excited for the wedding and my Mom is on top of all the planning. But, I’ve come to a standstill and I can’t move on past this. I’m so hurt from his family’s actions and I cry a lot about it. I just avoid anything wedding related now and I have distanced myself from his family, because I think they resent me. Can anyone out there give me some advice/help on how to handle this situation? I’m at wits end.
Post # 3
Have you talked with your FI about all this? I think that would be the best thing to do. Tell him how you’re feeling, and maybe he can have a talk with his mom? My mom was worried that I’d get married and never see her anymore, but she talked to me about it, not my husband. I hope that your FI understands your feelings and is supporting you. If things don’t get better, though, I would just stop talking to her about the wedding. If she isn’t contributing, and if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, then IMO, she doesn’t need to be involved. Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 4
first things hugs – you must be very disappointed. my only advise is to consider his family as invitees only and therefore you should lower your expectation on their opinions and expectation, if you dont expect anything from them then you cant be disappointed.
oh, and as far as her complaint about your name being first i dont know about the mexican culture but i married into a greek family and the grooms name always goes first no matter who is paying/hosting the wedding
goodluck and remember to breathe ((hugs))
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
I am so sorry you are going through this. When my parents got married, my dad’s mom thought the same thing (about my mom taking him away from her/no one to care for her) and didn’t even bother to come to the wedding. Later in life she realized that was not the case and built a better relationship with my mother.
I am in a interracial couple (FI is white, I’m black) and thankfully everything in the planning had been fun. I know how you feel about the financial part (my FI & me are splitting the cost of the wedding with my parents), so how I see it, the people that pay are the ones that get a say.
I really hope everything works out for you, HUGS!
Post # 6
So many times on this board people have posted in a similar vein… I think the grouchy MIL has caused anguish in quite a number of lives on the hive.
That apart, the only thing you can do in this case in maintain a firm rein on your temper, hold onto your vision for the wedding and follow through no matter what anyone says or how much of a tantrum they throw.
Have you talked to your FI about how this is making you feel? Is he being supportive?
Post # 7
Hello 916Bride, I’m sorry that your MIL’s attitude and comments has made you second guess the wedding. I honesty think cancelling the wedding would not be the solution to the issue. It sounds like your MIL is being completely selfish and inconsiderate. After all this is YOUR & Fiance’s wedding not hers. Don’t let her negativity upset you and make you second guess your decisions sweetie. Hold your head up high and continue to plan the wedding of your dreams with the people that support you and are willing to help.
I agree with the other bees above that you should perhaps talk to your FI about the way she has made you feel. That way he talks to his mom and puts an end to her rude comments. IMO she just has separation anxiety and doesn’t realize the blessing of you becoming part of her family. I’m hispanic, and I can tell you our parents (older genarations) are very old fashion and set in their ways. They have a different ideal and perspective on “the way things should be done”. So she will come to the realization that this is not her wedding, It’s Yours
Post # 8
Just want to add another note to remind you that this is YOUR day with your fiance, and there will be lots of people focused only on being happy for the two of you. I’m sorry to hear that she is making things difficult right now, but I agree with “eloping” that she is merely a guest and one of many who will simply show up to the wedding. If your fiance can’t talk sense into her about how you won’t make him abandon her, then you may want to just forget it (as much as you can) and focus on the happy people.
The wedding is about you and your fiance being in love and wanting to spend your lives together. You will be so happy that you overcame this tough time and that you had a beautiful wedding that you can always look back on! 🙂
Post # 9
Yikes. I totally understand. DO NOT CANCEL THE WEDDING. If you do, they win. Focus on your family and your FUTURE family (you and your future husband) and the new lives you will have. Do what makes you happy, even if you need a little trip or dress shiopping, pedicure, etc. If you need a break from wedding planning, that’s ok! Come back to it in a week or two. Good luck and it will all work out, don’t worry.
Post # 10
I’m with eloping – just consider them guests from here on out. Don’t look to them for support or ideas b/c it will just make you sad. And if you need to ask them anything do it through FI. Sometimes people don’t get excited about the wedding until it is actually happening b/c it’s really hard to imagine.
Post # 11
I think it’s really important to get your FI opinnion on this. What does he think? Does his mom always act like this or is this behavior out of the norm?
His been in this family a lot longer than you have, he should know how to navigate the waters…