Ready to end my relationship but I don't think I'm strong enough to :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

You just have to do it. There is no other way of putting it. If he’s this was now imagine when a child is involved.  Start looking for studios or places to rent. It will be hard at first but it will be well worth it. The hardest part is leaving everything after that will fall into place. I would rather be alone eating romaine noodles than putting up with someone like him. He isn’t the only man left alive so you’ll find someone else who will respect you.

 

Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Please leave go stay with a friend and move on, it ‘ll be a little hard in the beginning but you ‘re strong .  Don’t stay and get married and then be really stuck when you ‘ll have kids.  He will never change. , his mom probably did everything for him and now he expects you to do it got him.   One thing is for sure, he will start hitting you it’s just a matter of time . 

Post # 4
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Im going to be blunt with you because it sounds like you need to hear it. You have two options.

1. Find the strength to leave him now. Move out, rent a small apartment somewhere or stay with a friend for a few days. Talk to your boss, get a second job.

or,

2. You can find the strength to heal when he finally snaps and beats the shit out of you and puts you in the emergency room. He is already showing signs of violence, and if you think itll get better you are fooling yourself.

Dont stick around long enough to give him the chance. There are places out there to help people in your situation, like a crisis center. They can help you find lodging and get you out of your abusive situation.

Post # 5
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

raspberryswirl:  Honey, get the fuck out of there.  Your parents don’t need to provide housing for your brothers girlfriend – they do for you.  

if you can afford your own place, find one. Or be someone’s roommate. Or rent someone’s basement. 

You are YOUNG and have your entire life ahead of you. There is NOTHING you listed as problems that you can’t change. Hell, even if, you were elderly I’d say the same thing. 

You do not deserve this. Dump this loser. Don’t listen to him trying to tear you down – you know he’s only doing it to keep you down and under control, right? 

Get out, get out, get out.  Line up a place, wait until he’s out of the house and get your stuff and GO. 

You can do this. yes, it will be shitty for awhile. So your choice is temporary shitty or a lifetime of it.  

Get out

Post # 6
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You can do this, and when you do you will feel a great sense of relief!  One thing that helps me – when I feel like I am not tough enough to do something, I think of someone who I know who is badass – often my college roommate who doesn’t take much crap from others and tells it like it is. I think to myself, “What would Helen do?” and then I pretend I’m Helen. I know it sounds slightly crazy, but it helps!

Do you have any money saved, can you borrow some? Have you gone on craigslist to find a new place? I would secure a place to stay TODAY and then call all your friends and family to help you move all your stuff in one hit. You want a CLEAN BREAK – no going back to get something you left behind, no speaking to him again. Just DONE.

Post # 7
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

raspberryswirl:  Do your parents know the exact situation?  Your brother’s girlfriend may be staying there, but you are their DAUGHTER, and you are being abused.  You need to get out of that situation as soon as possible, even if it means an air mattress on the kitchen floor.  They are your parents, they can’t turn you away when you are literally in danger.  

As far as getting all of your stuff out, don’t worry about that.  Moving out without his noticing isn’t going to work.  You need a plan-you need to know where you’re going, you need to have a couch to crash on, and I would have your dad or some friends or even a pastor/co-worker escort you with your things.  {You can also leave when your abuser is not there-but I would send someone back to the house to get the essentials that you can’t leave behind.}  Your brother, for example.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this.  Every second you stay there, you’re getting deeper and deeper into danger.  Your family needs to know exactly what’s going on so that they can help make you safe.  If there’s a reason you don’t feel that your parent’s house is a safe option, then you need to call a crisis line or a line for women.  They can help remove you from the situation and figure out where to go.  This happens every day, but it doesn’t have to.  You have options.  PLEASE, don’t let your fear of being alone keep you in a situation where you can be beaten and even killed.

Post # 8
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oh hell no! What an utter piece of sh*t! Everyone deserves a partner they can trust no matter what and who will lift them up, not tear them down. You gotta go.

I’m sure your parents would rather you move back home, even just onto the couch, than stay with his abusive jerk! Ditto for crashing at friends’ houses. Or as PP said, even most small towns have a crisis center that can help.

You have to leave sooner or later because this is NOT healthy or sustainable. May as well do it now, before he really hurts you or you’re married or have kids. Hugs, you can do it!!!

Post # 9
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

raspberryswirl:  Oh sweetie, I’ve been in your situation. I had an alcoholic ex boyfriend who spounged off me for everything i was worth. Mix the addiction in with mental health issues and its a recipe for disaster. It’s so so so hard to leave, and I know you feel like you will never find anyone again but trust me, you will find someone 100 times better. Get out, give yourself time to heal and go from there. Getting out of that relationship was the best thing I ever did for myself. You ARE strong enough to do this.

I lost touch with a lot of friends while me and the ex were together because he made my life toxic. it will be easier than you think to get in touch with these people when your life isnt being dragged down by him.  I know you say your parents have no space, but every one has a couch and while not ideal, its better in staying in a bad situation where your safety is threatened. If you need to talk more one on one please feel free to PM me. I’ve been there girl… you can do this I promise you!

Post # 10
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I am so sorry for your situation.  Sleep on your parent’s couch if you have to.  Your brother’s GF is NOT more important to your parents than your health and safety, I PROMISE YOU THAT.

MrsWinTraining2014:  I agree w/this.

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You are definitly strong enough! You will find someone else! I know things are tough now ( well tough doesn’t do jutice to what you are dealing with) but things will get better. All you need to do is leave ( which i understand is not an easy thing to do). Go stay with a friend or even sleep on your parents couch. Don’t worry about packing anything, just leave.. today! You are worth it! You deserve to have someone treat you with kindness and love you!

BIG HUG!

Post # 11
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am so sorry that you are going through this but like a lot of PP have said, you need to get out for your own safety. No man should ever put his hands on you…ever. You deserve to be with someone a million times better than this.

I know you said there is no room at your parents house, but do you think they would let you crash on the couch/rethink the providing a room for your brother’s girlfriend until you can find a place of your own? Do your parents even know about his substance abuse/the fact that he has put his hands on you?

Post # 12
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

raspberryswirl:  YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH! You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please end it. Now.

Post # 14
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Yeah, this guy is awful. I think sleeping on your parents couch would be better than starting with him! Who pays the rent? You’ll find someone else, but even if you didn’t, isn’t being single forever better than living with him?

Post # 15
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sweetie, please PLEASE leave. If you are scared now think about how much more scary it will be further down the road. The longer you stay the harder it will get. You can DO THIS. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this and you WILL move on. Be brave, lean on your support system. Trust that it will get better, but only if you do what you know you need to do.

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