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Oh it makes for more fun! I am an encore bride and two of my best friends were all getting married (one was my MOH) within six months of each other. We never had any competition. Only thing we did was "flip" for the sanctuary as my best friend and I wanted to get married in the same church sanctuary! We ended up getting married on different sides of town, totally different reception type venues too.
Maybe you can take her out for celebratory drinks and then you can have one on one time with her to discuss things and let her know how excited you are for her and see if she reciprocates. I'll bet she will!
I wouldn't back out until you have at least sat down and had a chat.
Hopefully that will get everything out in the open. Good luck!
Your friend is being selfish and unsupportive. If she had behaved like this before she asked you to be in her wedding party, you would have had every right to refuse to be a part of it. But I think that the standard for backing out of a wedding party that you have agreed to be in is really high. And I don't think that she has done anything yet that would justify your backing out of her wedding. If you both share a group of friends, they will not understand why you did this, and you could wind up having to deal with a lot of personal drama at a time when you would rather be focusing on your wedding. If she can't be happy for you and supportive of your wedding, that is sad and unfortunate, but rather than trying to change her into a better person, it would be easier if you just leaned upon your other friends for support and encouragement.
232323232fp9-3>nu=336->432>594>WSNRCG.jpg (120.9 KB, 92 downloads) 2 years old 
The problem with not being confrontational is: everyone has to decipher your actions, and usually they assume you did something for all the wrong reasons.
Sit down face to face and go with the old "When you do {such and such} it makes me feel {such and such}." Try not to go point by point with her, just figure out the BIG issues (like you feel that she is not happy you are engaged and you feel like you are both competing for wedding thunder when you could be sharing it). There are often bees on here who feel guilty that they are angry that a friend got engaged right when they did. She may not know she's being rude, or she may be unable to help it. Whatever the case, you should work it out. You'll feel WAY better! Don't back out of her wedding, she asked you to help for a reason. But also don't feel like you HAVE to ask her to be in your wedding. It is not tit for tat. (Sidenote: she may feel bad that you haven't asked her yet!)
Hope that all helps!!
We all have personality flaws. I'm guessing she had a certain personality type before this all happened that doesn't make you particularly surprised she's reacting like this. I agree you might want to get it all out in the open and hug it out. There are a lot of posts around here about brides feeling like someone stole their thunder. (It's not that you meant it. But sometimes that's how they feel). Granted she seems to be a bit inconsiderate, but I'm guessing she might have been a little, before.
I would try not to do anything drastic. I know you and she are stressed, but your weddings will pass. If you can get to the other side, things are bound to look brighter. Relationships can get wrecked over weddings, so needlessly, sometimes.
Good luck.
Eeessshhh... not good.
I agree with some of the other posts. Its always best to openly talk about it. But I know, its a lot harder then its sounds!
One of my close friend got engaged two months after I did. While she did admit being a bit jealous of me getting engaged first, she was still very happy for me. After she got engaged, we did a lot of wedding plannign together and our other half were pretty happy to let us plan away.
During thsi time, my close friend actually asked me to be her wedding planner because I'm very organized and on top of things. However, after considering it & looking up duties of wedding planner, I turned her down because I was too busy with work, moving across states and planning my own wedding. She didn't get mad and totally understood it.
I suggest talking to her first. Let her know you're really happy for her but this is also your special time too. Maybe you can tell her the stress you are facing with planning your own wedding and wonder if she is also facing these issues and need someone to talk to.
Awwww...it's really too bad you can't celebrate this joyous time of your lives together! I'm so sorry! What fun it would be to plan together and swap ideas, but have no fear, that's what Weddingbee is for! I echo the recommendations to have a heart-to-heart with her to at least get it out there and know you've tried your best. Then see where the chips fall from there. Please keep us posted on how this goes.
mydress.jpg (42.5 KB, 28 downloads) 2 years old 
I have the same issue. My friend got engaged a month before me after only being with her boyfriend for 4 months while I had been with mine for 4 years. I wasn't jealous because I knew my boyfriend was getting ready to propose (we picked out the ring together). She acted like I was trying to outdo her when I got engaged, never once said congratulations being that she was close with me & my FH. Then I started getting upset because it was like she was trying to make sure that I don't outshine her wedding with a bigger wedding. So she moved her date the month before my wedding, even after I informed her that I had already put a deposit down on the venue. She tried to ask my best friend to my her MOH (my BF said no) and she is asking all people that I am closer with to be a part of her wedding.
Anyway, in the end, I listened to some great advice and stopped stressing. A wedding is a wedding and a marriage is lifetime. When it becomes a competition with a friend or Bride Wars, then it stops being about you, your FH, and your future together. Think about it. ::Smile::
Sorry...New Bee...didn't realize this post was from 2 yrs ago. Hahahaahaha!!
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Yes, I think I am caught in the middle of a real life "Bride Wars" movie...
A friend of mine recently got engaged and asked me to be in her wedding. Soon thereafter, I became engaged myself. Ever since, everything wedding related has been about HER! A group us us ladies went out to dinner the other night and we talked about her catering, her venue, her ideas, and I found myself somehow squeezing in our engagment story. The first time we saw one another after I became engaged, she didn't ask about us or to see my ring, nothing! I think I may have stolen her thunder by getting engaged after her, but good friends shouldn't see it this way, right?!
It's gotten to the point where I've found myself hiding details fom her about my own wedding because she seems to get upset with me, like she wants my wedding to fail. And I find MYSELF looking for ways to one up her (I know, not good)
Sparing all the little details, i'm to the point where her rudeness is causing me to not only NOT ask her to be in my wedding, but back out of her wedding as well. If I do this, our friendship WILL be over, but i'm just not a confrontational person and I don't know a good way of backing out. Any suggestions?!