Post # 1
How do you deal with rude comments about your engagement or fiance or the size of your ring? What have your experiences been?
Most of them is from my super materialistic, rich family who has said things along the lines of, “That’s not an engagement ring. He doesn’t love you. Why are you marrying him?”or “You don’t know him well enough” or “Let me set you up with someone better!” (Better as in richer, because my family really is so materialistic and shallow). The NERVE of them. I seriously want to slap everyone across the face, but because they’re my aunts and uncles, I could never do that haha.
How do you deal with that and what do you say?? Most importantly, how do you remember not to let it affect you? Cuz I’ll be honest, it’s hard. It makes me question the love my fiance has for me, and then I remember how amazing our life together is and I feel slightly better. I’m 23 and in grad school and my fiance is 28 and is successful and isn’t just some deadbeat, but my family just doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. All my other friends (except for one, that I mentioned on a previous board but realized he had feelings for me and that’s why he didn’t support us) are SO happy and excited for us.
We are an interracial couple and I think that might contribute to my family reacting this way (I’m Asian, he’s White). But I just don’t want to deal with negative comments at the wedding either (and I’m afraid there might be some), and it’s just difficult for me because they’re my family and my mother would kill me if I talked back to them. Luckily, my mom does support us so at least I have that.
Post # 2
catpeaches: Ok, been here! I have a small, stoneless ring. My FI and I got engaged in April 2013 while we were both unemployed. So, we are both poor even though we both have degrees. I come from a well-off family, his family was less well-off. He’s in the military and is hard to get to know and almost everyone I know objected for all those same reasons. His parents, my friends, my sister…the list goes on.
Here’s the thing. YOU’RE the one marrying him. It’s hard when no one approves. But we now live away from those people. We see them on occasions when we want to and we are all on great terms. But it has taken us these 14 months to get there.
People will either realize that it’s your life, your decision – or they will lose you and your FI. OR you and your FI will break up because of the hurtfulness/disapproval of others. Make sure you are ready to stand by your FI and take his side. Because I’m sure he will be hurt by your family’s words and actions. Make it clear to your family that their comments are unacceptable and that you will not listen to them.
Post # 3
To the snotty people that commented on my ring, I looked at them and told them that our love was genuine enough that he didn’t feel the need to prove it by buying some big, flashy diamond.
As for the disapproval, just ignore it. Go about planning and enjoying your life together. When people realize you’re serious and that you’ll do what you want in your life regardless of their personal feelings, it eventually stops. Sorry you’re having a tough time with the rudeness. My thoughts are with you and your FI!
Post # 4
I ingnore it all, I swear everyone hates my FI my family have ever said anything about until rencent (2year after) that Im too young, im 21, always making comments about finding someone better and at the begining my brother said she told them she wont becoming to the wedding I so nervious to plan my wedding the fear that my family wont show up, they’ll be the only people i know invitied 🙁
Post # 5
It’s great that you have the support of your mom. I would just ignore the others – if you truly love your fiance and want to be with him nothing anyone says should make you question that.
Post # 6
catpeaches: we’re a similar mix but I saw these problems early. What I did was decide that while I can’t choose family, I can choose who to spend time with. And no one is obligated to my time. So if people are rude (family, friends, internet strangers) they don’t get my time or emotional Energy.
My family now minimizes that kind of behavior. It did take years to train them though, but it’s worth it.
Post # 7
thanks for all the advice, bees <3