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Why would you stay with someone like that? There are too many great guys out there. Detach yourself from this, deal with the psychological ramifications of ending it (completely), and move forward. Far too many wonderful people out there.
You are doing the right thing by leaving him. Be sure to go to your friends and family for comfort (and help - emotionally and maybe financially).
A lot of guys get a kick out of having 2 women at once. It's their selfish, cowardly way of feeling like "a man". From what you have just poured out to us, I have deducted that that is exactly what he is. A selfish coward. Since you are the mother of his child, he probably does have some kind of feelings for you, but clearly it is not enough for him to be honest with you or give you his heart completely, and even if he crawled up to you right this second and begged you for forgiveness for his lies & cheating, I would not even consider it. Beside the fact that you are his child's mother, and allowing him to see his son/daughter, you need to sever all other ties with him. Do not entertain his pillow talk & empty promises. Move on and find someone who gives 2 craps about you.
About your instance of "cheating": Don't let his crocodile tears fool you. The only thing that's hurt is his pride. You going outside the relationship & finding someone else for any kind of connection at all, threatens his control over you. That's why he got so upset.
I hope this all works out for you & you find the strength you need to move on! No one deserves to be treated like that!
Thanks you guys this is already giving me the support im looking for.
@ (Okqueenbee)....Ur right, control is playing a major part. He did mention that physical changes happens to a womans Vag. when she begins to go outside the relationship, it stretches inside nolonger molding to the man's (stick)....
I think he was more upset about that because he can't feel me the same way on the inside anymore. Its like he feels I belong to him, like im his property or something.... And AN EXTRA ADDED PIECE OF INFO... HE TOOK MY VIRGINITY WHEN WE MET AND FOR 8 YEARS I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM.
Um...are you engaged or married to this jerk?
Walk..no make that run away now. And secure child support for your child. You said you cheated too is that right?
I'd say that at this point, I would quit worrying about what he said or she said or who has what child or house or car. It's about you being a good mom and being 100 percent together for your child. You only owe one person something..that's your child and whom you should do all things possible to secure a peaceful and normal life for. Living in a home with constant bickering can't be good for a child.
I think now's the time to step away from the whole situation. Maybe to go and talk to a therapist and find out how to help yourself and get out of this for good. Also, I'd just work from the inside out and maybe not involve anybody else (another guy) until you're healthy and healed from all of this trauma.
Wish you happiness and love and the same to your precious child.
I think its best for you and your child to get out of the situation. You may think you love him but he is clearly not someone who deserves you.
Perhaps you should contact the other woman just to give her a heads up, he is probably lying about you as well.
He is never going to stop lying to you, if its ot this other woman it will likely be someone else.
Pray. There are so many people that love you, turn to them for support
@ Bellenga thanks, ur absolutely right. Its about my son now. And no Im not married or enganged. And plans were definitely about no men for now, maybe finding a therapist and definitely finding peace inside. work Towards bigger and better things for me and my son. It is spiritually draining. Especially when I know he's lying and he doesn't fess up. I don't know why, but its important for me to stop the lies.
@3M, ur right its a habit now, the lies will not stop. He probably feels its non of my buisness.
It seriously disturbs me that he believes and encourages that your lady parts change because you're going outside of the relationship. That is absolutely not true. Frankly, he's exposing you to STDs and disease by cheating.
This is a horrible situation, and I wish you the best of luck moving forward. There just are too many good men out there to waste time and love on this one. :)
I think you need to leave. he is playing mind games with you, telling you what you want/need to hear to keep you there, while he has another woman he is doing the same thing with. Why would you want to keep putting yourself through that? You need to get out and establish a good stable life for you and your child. What this man is doing is not healthy to either of you.
Ur right @ mmmtacos, I just need to put love on hold period, until I can get my head on straight. He has put me through alot and I have tolerated more then I would ever thought I would tolerate all in the name of that connection I feel inside called love. Believe me, before I got in deep with this person, It was so easy for me to see what was obvious when i heard similar stories such as mine, but when it came to my back yard. I have been going through a process as a women in terms of growth and strength. So, its safe to say i am not regreting any of it. I feel something inside me building, and I have a feeling its for bigger and better things
This makes me very, very angry at someone I've never met (him, not you). Do the right thing for yourself and your child and LEAVE. You and your child both deserve better.
"He did mention that physical changes happens to a womans Vag. when she begins to go outside the relationship, it stretches inside nolonger molding to the man's (stick)...."
This is complete fiction, a lie he told you to control you. I am a doctor and I can tell you that this is absolutely false!
I don't usually give advice, but your story made me so sad/angry/upset. I would honestly advise you to leave this cheating, lying, ridiculous excuse of a man. Staying with him will only bring you pain. Think of the example you are setting for your child. By staying with him, you are telling your son that this man's actions are acceptable. This is NOT love. The fact that he was upset to find out that you had been with other men does not mean he loves you. I doubt if this jerk is capable of loving anyone! You and your deserve so much better. You deserve someone who will cherish you and place you before anything else in his life. Leave and NEVER look back.
@irishcolleen143 thanks, it does make alot of sense. I have asked the same question to myself,..Is he even capable of love? Thats why I have to definitely start by not sleeping with him or anyone for that matter for now, until my mind, body and soul is balanced and insinct again
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This year in Feburary will officially be 9 years together. I use to think I needed a long term relationship and thought it took sometime to get to know each other. But seriously, I didn't know it would take 5 years to start seeing the light. The real person behind that mask. Hearing him say he love her while i was pregnant with his first child. I heard it, but I was in denial.....
He was an over the road truck driver and that was difficult in it self. It took having his child to see things for what it really was. I learned many things after that. It took me the next 3 years to uncover, another woman, a house, 2 cars, tied to him and her in another state. She had kids from her previous marriage. Question was, did he have a child with her?
My love and finiance kept me there, dependant on him. Part of me was jealous, I was living in an apartment. When he also had a house with out me. On our end, he has stepped up to the plate and is taking care of me and my son and paying my rent and bills all the while Im not working. He also bought me a good durable car.
After my confrontation with him, his claims were that they were just friends. He was helping her and she was helping him. He needed the house for tax deductions. It was just buisness. And that he LOVED ME! But he continued with his lies..... a few months later. I had the courage to say its over. IM DONE!!!!
But it wasnt, cause the whole year in 09' I felt him pulling me in with his pillow talk and getting me gifts and some talks about the future..... Sleeping with him did not help me move foward it kept me stuck in place. By the end of this year, I was planning on being completely done. But before anything, I needed to make sure he didn't have a child with her. So when the time was right, I looked through his stuff, broke into his Comp. Found another phone and found pics of her, sexually. I was dieing inside, but I convinced myself. At least it wasn't another child.
The next day I decided it was done for sure.... I confessed about finding the phone and seeing the pics.. And where I stand..But some how, tables were turned when I confessed of having 2 sexual partners about 4 months before. He seemed really hurt.... And thats when I saw that his feelings for me could be real, maybe he does love me...... so i decided to give this another try if he doesn't continue being with the OW.
So, here I am. I want things to go my way. He lied to me again about going to the house. But i know he went.......So now im stuck with the nagging feeling that he loves this woman.. And he's just pretending with me for what ever reason.
I asked myself WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME? Because he claims he love me unconditional. And i love him, still. But I can't keep hurting and dealing with the feeling that he love her too and keep lieing to me.
As much as it hurts, Im trying to accept the possibility that his heart is attached to her. What his heart feels for me, I don't think matters any more. I seriously feel I just need to be alone. Let him be and Let me be to do me.