- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
This should really go under the “emotional” section of this board, but since part of the focus on this is our 13-month away wedding date, I’ll post it here.
My parents are paying for most of our wedding. Unfortunately I know that means a lot of the plans are their decision. I respect that. However, shouldn’t I have a say on who is invited? Shouldn’t I have the right to veto someone I think shouldn’t be there? So here’s the story …
My most tragic romantic history before I met my fiance was with my mom’s best friends son. We’ve known each other our entire lives and liked each other on and off for seven years, but when he was interested in me, I was in a relationship, and vice versa. He met a girl while doing his masters who lived in France. They were on an off for a couple years, but he decided eventually to go out to France because he was fascinated by the country (and obviously, she was there too). However, he was having some doubts before leaving – they were fighting a lot over long distance and it was a huge move.
The night before he went away, we hooked up. I probably made it out to be more than it was, but at that point, I started thinking maybe he was the one, and he was certainly acting like he cared for me a great deal. When he left for Paris the next day, I was devastated. The correspondence got less and less and then I saw on Facebook he was officially “in a relationship” with the girl from France. I spent the next six months crying over him, and it took a year before I really felt happy again.
He came back once about two years ago to renew his visa. It was awkward between us and uncomfortable when our families met for lunch. There’s only been one email between us since then and that was before I met my fiance.
Last night, our mothers were hanging out (the families remain close but they DO know about what happened between us) and his mom mentioned to mine “oh, I hope he can come in from Paris for (my) wedding.” My mom told me this when I woke up this morning. I said I don’t want him there because of our history. My mom started crying and said this will break up her friendship with her best friend and I have no respect for her or her friend.
I realize she and my dad are paying for this wedding, but I don’t want an ex-love interest there who caused me so many months of pain. My mom said divorced couples often sit at the same table at weddings and I need to suck it up. I thought to myself ‘but that’s usually when their kids are getting married and they are forced to. You don’t usually invite a bride’s ex to her wedding.’
Moreover, isn’t it AWFULLY early to discuss who is coming to our wedding? It’s 13 months away!!!
Any thoughts? Is my mom right? Is there any way to deal with this gently?
By the way, my fiance knows about this entire thing. I’ve been very honest with him about all the men before him. He says I should have just told my mother it was too early to discuss who is coming to our wedding, case closed.
Thanks for letting me vent!