(Closed) Really angry and frustrated – thoughts?

posted 5 years ago in May 2014
Post # 3
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@childofthe1980s:  I agree with you. You are the bride, regardless of who is paying for the wedding, you should have ultimate veto power. Especially when it comes to your exes. You should not have your ex at your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@childofthe1980s:  “Unfortunately I know that means a lot of the plans are their decision. I respect that.”

I completely disagree with this line of thinking with weddings, but not everyone’s parents feel that way I guess. Our parents paid and they definitely did not control our wedding or any of the other extracurriculars. Aside from that no there is no reason that an adult male child of someone your mom is friends with needs to be invited or fly home to go from another country nontheless! It should be plenty to just invite his parents.And her analogy about divorced people is just… no… sorry! Not a valid argument here

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@childofthe1980s:  Awkward situation indeed!! Could you try talking to your ex about it and tell him he owes you one and you’d REALLY appreciate if he declined the invitation?

Post # 7
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MsJ2theZ:  Agreed.

My parents are paying for our wedding and they didn’t have much say over anything. I involved them in the planning process and asked their opinions on things, but ultimately the bride and groom make the decisions for their wedding.

Post # 8
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Eew no, he should not come. Why in the world would that ruin your mom’s relationship with her friend??? Ugh. My ex-first love was someone I happened to grow up with, and our mothers are still friends. He caused me a huge amount of pain and misery and I would happily never see him again now. I can’t imagine my mom suggesting such a character come to my wedding just so her friend won’t be insulted!!

Yuck. I hope that if you were to explain how bad this would make you feel, and how awkward and all-around wrong it is to have an ex like that at your wedding, your mom will understand.

Post # 9
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Chances are that HE doesn’t really want to come,  either. At this point,  It’s a formality to invite him and I would really be surprised if he flew from France to attend. 

Post # 11
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sea_Ashley:  Exactly.

I guess I feel like money for a wedding is a GIFT to your child so they can celebrate, and gifts should not come with strings attached, or threats or “well i’m paying for it”. It’s like giving someone birthday money and then being mad because they blew it at the casino instead of buying a sweater you liked.

Maybe you need to start with sitting down with your mom and discussing expectations, and I will be honest, based off a lot of threads I’ve read here, if she does have the mentality that “my money = my party” then you may be better off not taking her contribution at all.

Post # 12
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Is he still with the girl from France? If so, I’m pretty sure he’ll respectfully decline the invitation, anyway. At least I would hope!

Post # 13
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

He won’t come. Don’t worry about it. If you want to make extra sure he doesn’t come, send him an email and ask him not to.

Post # 15
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@childofthe1980s:  If she really feels that the final say is hers, then I repeat myself to say that you shouldn’t take the money unless you can deal with that. It’s not her wedding, it’s YOUR wedding. Everyone is different and it  seems that various geographic areas differ in this. Some are traditional in that the parents are throwing their children the party, in my circle, and probalby most of my area are of the thought that you throw your own party, your parents are not giving you away necessarily. It’s not THEIR celebration it’s yours

Post # 16
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would invite him, but only because I highly doubt he would come from Paris. 

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