Post # 1
So my MOH is back in town for a couple of weeks from school. She and I had spoken on the phone about a week ago or so and she said that she wanted to do a double date (me and my fiance + her and her bf) – my fiance and I have only met her boyfriend once and he was a bit of a jerk to my fiance and they ended up having a minor tiff but that’s all water under the bridge and my fiance and I are willing to give him a second chance.
We invited my MOH and her boyfriend over for dinner and then today she tells me that her bf wants nothing to do with us and does not want to come over for dinner. I am a little bit insulted to say the least and this is because a few weeks ago, she asked me if she could bring him to the wedding as her date (she knows that I’ve told everyone no to bringing a date because of our spacing limitations) but since she’s my MOH and also one of my best friends, I decided to budge. She said that he really wanted to come to the wedding and bla bla and it wasn’t worth the argument.
I am pissed off because if he wants to come to our wedding – don’t you think that he should want to have dinner with us and get to know us better? My fiance is LIVID and now wants to de-invite my MOH’s boyfriend but I know that would cause more harm than good.
What would you guys do?
I’m heading out to make a presentation for work and will check this board a little bit later.
Post # 3
Wow! I can’t believe that her bf’s acting so childish! That’s absolutely ridiculous. I would be mad at your MOH too! Tell him he needs to get over it & LET it be all water under the bridge so that everyone’s happy and there’s no ridiculous, uncecessary drama at the wedding. That’s your MOH, which is your best friend, which needs to persuade her BF that he’s acting like a child.
If she’s going to be with him for a while, and you plan to be around your MOH a lot (which you DO), then he’s got to realize that just because one thing happened in the past, he can’t let that bother him in the future.
I’d just straight out tell your MOH that she needs to have a talk with him, and he needs to understand that he’s dating your MOH, & best friend..and needs to let the past be the past.
So sorry you’ve got to deal with this! UGH I hate when guys or girls in a relationship stand in each others way, it’s so ridic!!! Good luck!
Post # 4
Hm. Okay, so just to make sure I understand this correctly, your MOH’s boyfriend wants nothing to do with you….but wants to come to your wedding? A day that’s all about the two of you? And a day in which you’ll be spending a substantial amount of time and resources to be with the people who are most important to you? Odd. Methinks there’s a bit of your MOH’s influence there.Anyhoo, my first instinct is to of course dis-invite this person. You have been very accomodating and he is being extremely rude. However, if this person is important to your MOH, that could cause a lot of problems. I recommend talking to her and seeing what the deal is and what she thinks should happen now. If he won’t (IMO) grow up and act like a civilized human being, she may agree that perhaps she should come to your wedding alone.
Post # 5
Well for one, I think she needs to realize that her man is being a jerk here. Is she taking his side and thinking that he can still insist on coming to the wedding and he won’t even come over for dinner? IMO, I think that since you made an exception for him to come to the wedding, he needs to be a grownup and get over it, be polite, and come to dinner. You need to be careful though about how you handle it b/c I can see lots of potential for your MOH getting upset at you…
Post # 6
I would just try to calmly confront her about the issue. Sounds like she wants her bf there more than her bf wants to be there. Just tell her how it doesn’t make sense to you and don’t say it in a way that makes her feel you are attacking her. Maybe prep the convo with something about how something’s been bothering you and you want to make sure that you’re both on the same page. Show some concern for her relationship too, sounds like he’s at least a little bit controlling. Kindly tell her you don’t like the idea of someone who doesn’t like you or FI coming to the wedding.. doesn’t make much sense in ANY way you look at it. If you make it seem like he’s the one insulting you more than her, she might be more open to talking about it haha.
Just try not to be critical, and be open to what she has to say. Maybe there’s some kind of misunderstanding about how her bf feels about you and FI.
I think it’s rather rude to bluntly say, “Oh, my boyfriend doesn’t like you or your FI and he wants nothing to do with you, so I’m not coming over.” Screw that! But to avoid a major blow out, just be sweet as pie to her about it!
This isn’t something you should let go.. esp due to her position in the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 7
I wonder if from his perspective, he feels like you guys purposefully excluded him from the wedding… and is still feeling snubbed, even though you reversed your decision?
Post # 8
I don’t think you have to go through the formality of disinviting him to the wedding. It sounds like he might choose on his own to not come and actually telling the MOH he can’t come anymore might cause some drama you can probably avoid. And him really wanting to come was probably your MOH talking. If she couldn’t get him to come to dinner, she’s not going to get him to come to the wedding.