Post # 1
I’m feeling really annoyed with my Fiance and I need to get it out.
Well my birthday is this weekend. My parents have been asking about what plans I have for my birthday for a few weeks now so that they can arrange something and have either dinner or SOMETHING to celebrate. I’ve told them I have no plans whatsoever and that I’ll get back to them.
I’ve tried talking to my Fiance about this and when it was brought up I got “well you sure don’t let me plan anything hey?” so I said ok well if your going to plan something can you let me know so I can let my folks know and make arrangements with them? Then he plays all coy like “maybe I have something planned maybe I don’t, when I know in reality he doesn’t, he will wait until last minute to plan it. So I sit back and let him plan whatever it is.
Well today he calls me asking what I have planned for my birthday so he can let his mom know about it and arrange plans with them. I’m like well I asked you YESTERDAY if you were planning something for me so I can figure out shit with my parents and plan around it and he agreed he would tell me TODAY.
He starts getting snippy with ME telling me its my fault and I should be planning this stuff. EXCUSE ME? I would have if you weren’t snarky about wanting to plan something for me. The whole point of holding off on telling my parents a definate plan was for HIM and HIS plans, I was trying to be flexible for him but clearly that was stupid of me to think he would plan anything for me even after saying he would.
Sorry I lied I’m not annoyed I’m PISSED OFF. He has time to go out with friends and get drunk but no time to talk with me for 5 mins about planning something for my birthday.
I don’t care about it being a surprise I just wanted to nail down details a week before the event so I could tell other people about it and not have it last min. I wanted to tell friends/family my plans so they had time to make it out but now its 2 days before the day and this is what I get. Now I get to scramble and plan MY OWN birthday and having people tell me they can’t make it since its so last min. I could just throttle him.
and he is mad at me? LOL God give me the strengh.
Post # 3
First off, Happy early Birthday.
I may be misreading it, but I think it’s one of two things. a) maybe he did/does have something planned. (I mean you know him, we don’t, but it’s possible no?) b) He’s not a great listener or a good planner or both.
You told him more than once you wanted information to plan other things. I completely get that. I’d get annoyed too. Does he do this often? Is he just not much on details and plans? Most guys, I find are not. Granted, it’s your birthday, you were merely trying to get information, so he could have been more understanding of that. I’m sorry.
Post # 4
that sucks. From now on I would make my own plans and if he wants to do something different HE can scramble to try and make it work.
Post # 6
@canyouhearmenow13: My ex (we just broke up) said he had planned for us to spend my birthday doing cute stuff all day. Cut to the day and I was at his place, in my B’day dress and hair made up and all, preparing his sister to go for a wedding while he vegged out in front of the TV. I spent all day assisting her through the various stages of toilette, and then in the evening he took me to drive his sister to the venue of the wedding. It was some ways off so by the time we were returning it had gotten quite late. I had cancelled plans with Dad to be with him (Dad wanted to take me for a movie and dinner) and by the time I reached home Dad had fallen asleep. Yet, when I complained to ex, he yelled at me (on my B’day) and called me selfish and high maintenance. He said he tried to make my day special but it wasn’t his fault if things didn’t turn out the way he planned.
So yeah, I totally understand where you are coming from. Men are such jerks.
Post # 7
Yeeeeeah I’d have a conversation with him about expectations on birthdays. I don’t think he wasn’t planning anything purposely because he was mad at you. He might just suck at planning. You’ll hear that response a lot on here and I agree with it…but I don’t think it’s an excuse.
Storytime: My ex completely forgot my birthday one year. I was at home for college break so I couldn’t spend it with him, but he didn’t even call or post on my fb wall. Nothing. I was so upset and lost it with him and he apologized and promised to do something big in six months on my “half” birthday to make it up. Six months later (and this time with me reminding him), his “something big” turned out to be picking me up from school and saying in an excited tone “I’m picking up some McDonald’s for you and then you can watch whatever you want on TV when you get home!!!” And he seriously thought this was a great idea! Needless to say we did not make it to celebrate my next birthday.
I’m now with a guy who also sucks at planning, procrastinates, is spontaneous and does everything last minute…EXCEPT my birthday our anniversary Valentine’s Day and Christmas. Why? Because we had a conversation early on that I love holidays and except to celebrate them, even in little ways. And he listened. Because even though he hates planning, he loves me and wants to make me happy.
Guys who really care about you will plan even when they hate planning if they know it’s important to you. But before you go jumping on him talk to him calmly. Lay out what your expectations are. As long as they’re reasonable (that he plan SOMETHING even if it’s not extravagant because birthdays and special occasions are important to you) he should follow through with them, planner or no planner. If he still doesn’t well…it might be time to evaluate how much of a priority you are to him.
Post # 8
@Dizbee: I agree with this and honestly I need to have this conversation with my SO. Lay down the boundaries. I better go follow that same advice
Post # 9
@Dizbee: Your ex sounds like a spitting replica of mine 🙁
Post # 10
Yeah I’ve seen on here a couple times variations of “well if he doesn’t care about birthdays you shouldn’t expect him to celebrate them” and figured I’d preempt that. That’s all well and good that he doesn’t care about birthdays…but he should care about you. And if your birthday is important to you, it really won’t kill a nonplanner to plan something small to make the girl he loves happy. You might just have to tell him what it means to you first to make him understand why it’s important and how happy it’d make you
Post # 11
@Dizbee: I agree. If a woman says “Honey I don’t believe in shaving my legs or putting on nice clothes or going out and having fun EVER” will that be considered as fair to an average guy? It’s too much to expect her to look like a princess everyday, but you would expect her to make a little effort once in a while. Similarly, a guy may not be expected to jump the couch on his lady’s b’day but a nice card and a gift? Movie and dinner? Some special, alone time? Are these things too much to ask for? Why would they get away with the whole “not believing in occasions” bullshit?
Post # 12
The thing is that him not planning anything doesn’t bother me, I don’t really expect him to. Its just when I wanted to plan something so I could get it all organized he told me he was taking care of it and made me feel guilty about not giving him the chance to surprise me and then all of a sudden I had to plan things last minute its like really?
Anyways I told him that he hurt my feelings and that I’m upset and he apologised. He said he does have something planned but people keep giving him a hard time and he was just stressed out.
Like I said I don’t care about him surprising me, I just want to do SOMETHING special for my birthday whether he plans it or I do doesn’t bother me.