(Closed) really annoyed. need your help.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are annoyed by this; however, if you or your mom are paying for the other girls dresses, I think that you or your mother should pay for the MOH dress too, especially if it is supposed to be more extravagant than the other ones.

Post # 4
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

So you’re paying for all your BM’s dresses.. but not the MOH? The argument is you do not want to pay for your SIL (MOH) dress because she did not pay your mom back for the engagement party dress she said she would pay for? Correct?

If this is the case, I would have your fiance explain to your MIL his siser promised to pay your mother back for the engagement party dress and never did so your mom isn’t willing to purchase a second dress. If you SIL wants to pay back your mom for the other dress I’m sure the situation would change. I’d also have him explain to his mother he would like to see your sister in a dress that’s a little more special than the other BM’s because she’s a more prominent member of the bridal party and you both want her to stand out. 

 It’s best if you don’t deal with your MIL- she’ll take it better coming from your fiance.

Post # 6
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I guess I don’t understand the culture connection. But IMO its unfair to pay for the BM’s dresses and not MOH. I would be upset by that.

Post # 7
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@love4sean: So is your SIL familiar with the responsibilities of being MOH in your culture? From an outside perspective it seems unfair for the BMs to get their dresses paid for but not the MOH (outside of the whole engagement party dress issue)

Post # 8
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

In my culture the MOH dress is neverrr paid for by the bride. THe MOH actually has a lot more financial responsabilities, but my MOH has never done any of them nor have I asked her to do them.

First:  If, in your culture, the MOH has more financial responsibilities than the bridesmaids, wouldn’t it make more sense to pay for her dress since she is putting more money out from her pocket than the bridesmaids?  If my MOH had had to put out more cash for my wedding, I’d think that it’d make sense to pay for her dress since she’s being financially strained as it is.

Second … you said your MOH has never done any of the things BUT you didn’t ASK her to do them.  Question:  If she doesn’t know what you expect, how can you expect her to complete her tasks!?  Unless she’s a mind reader, she doesn’t know what you want her to do UNTIL you tell her. 

Post # 10
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

In your culture does the MOH get to chose her own dress? If that’s the case then she should certainly be paying for it.  I have a lot of friends who are Armenian and this is exactly how all the weddings work.  The bridesmaids have their dresses paid for because they don’t pick them out but the MOH has totally freedom in dress selection and therefore pays for it herself.

Are you and your FI from different cultures and thus the confusion?

Post # 13
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Is she from your culture?

Maybe, given a choice, she would have rather been a bridesmaid. If she is not familiar with your culture and hasn’t been raised that way, I don’t think that it is fair to make her pay for her gown, again, especially since you want it to be more elaborate. Maybe she doesn’t have any money to pay for an extravagant dress.

I think you need to talk to her and let her know your expectations and then give her the option to step down or stay based on your discussion with her.

 

Post # 14
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Traditionally, the bride’s side pays for the wedding.  Generally, the groom’s family is responsible for the rehearsal dinner. 

I think that your MIL asked who was paying for the dress in case she needed to pay for it.  And, perhaps she has to start saving for the dress and needed to know that.  I don’t think it was rude for her to ask.  She probably needed to know where this stood so she wouldn’t be shocked later.  And, if you’re paying for the bridal party’s dresses, then I think anyone would figure that you’d be covering the cost of the MOH dress since the MOH is part of the bridal party. 

Why did your mom pay $300 for hair and make up for your SIL?  Did someone force her to do that?  Why didn’t your SIL pay for her own hair and make up?  If she didn’t have the money to do that, then she should’ve done it herself.  I mean, if I didn’t have $300 for hair and make up, then I would’ve done it myself. 

This whole thing is very confusing!

Post # 15
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you and your FI from the same culture?  If not, maybe that’s now how things are done in their culture & that’s why there is confusion with who is paying for the dress?

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