Post # 1
The deal is, SO and I signed up for a half marathon in September. I signed up first and he made me change my online training schedule to match his so that we could ho running TOGETHER. He is fitter than me so from day 1 his runs have been longer than mine (only by like 5 mins or something) but we have been running at the same time-though not together for the whole run-he’s also nearly a foot taller than me and so runs faster and makes comments about how I slow him down, whatever. The point is we are training together and prefers to run alone even though I’ve said it’s good when he runs with me because I do run faster.
So on Monday I got home from work and got ready to go for a run and he’s like ‘ oh I’m going to go running with ‘Meg’ from work’. Backstory, ‘Meg’ is single, flirty (I’ve only met her once) and has previously asked MY boyfriend to go to salsa and Latin dancing classes together-which to me is one of the most sensual kind of dancing so WTF is she asking someone else’s BF-doesn’t sound cool to me. Anyway ‘Meg’ apparently signed up for a 10k run and is starting training and when SO mentioned he was going running that night she asked if she could run with him and he agreed! This is the guy who won’t run with me because I slow him down. Ok so massive argument ensued, he went out to run and I stayed behind, pissed as hell but then went out and had the best run ever 🙂
When I got home he was already back and I’d w calmed down and told him of my awesome run and he said he ‘hoped he wouldn’t have to run with her again’, which I interpreted as ‘if she asks, I’ll say no’. He also said she was slower at running than me so again I assumed he wouldnt choose her as his running partner over me.
Wednesday (yesterday) we ran together at his pace which I managed for about half of the route and then told him to go in ahead and id complete it at my own pace.
Today is a rest day, so I got home and was surprised to see SO in his running kit. He said ‘Meg’ had asked him to go running again-so he was. I asked ‘so what happened to not running with her again?’ And he’s like ‘she bought a load of running clothes at the weekend’-so frigging what?!? Let her go running on her own! I would have quite liked him around to prepare dinner or help with housework or just hang out withespecially since he needs to rest. But no, he was going running with HER. I asked why he feels its fine to run with her but he makes such a fuss about running with me. He said her house is on his route. MY house is on his route! He lives in it! (It’s technically OUR house but you get the point). He said he only runs 2 miles with her at a slower pace and its in the middle of his route. He could run 2 miles with ME at a slower pace-at the beginning of his route-plus, I don’t know, I’m his GIRLFRIEND!
Anyway I just don’t get his argument for running with her and not me and it has really upset me because I feel like any progress I’m making with my training isn’t good enough as I’m now having to compete with some random work slut and I don’t like that it feels like he’s choosing her over me. I have a run planned for tomorrow which he said he will come with me in but then he will have not had a rest day in 3 days and he knows that’s not good but just doesn’t want to say no to the work bitch?!
I guess this is more of a vent than anything, I may well be overreacting but I feel a bit betrayed by him-the half marathon was supposed to be our thing as was the training but now ive just lost motivation and just want to sit and eat ice cream. Am I being psycho?!?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s appropriate for an engaged/married man to go running alone with a single woman (or any woman really). Group – fine. One-on-one? Nope. I don’t like tempting fate. I don’t believe in putting stumbling blocks in a relationship. And with her history, I REALLY don’t like it.
I would have to have a calm conversation with him about “What should our policy be about making one-on-one new friends of the opposite gender?” For me, that one is non-negotiable, it is very important to me not just that our activities are proper but that they also APPEAR proper.
Can the three of you run together? Will he just say he’d prefer to run alone to her? There seem to be a couple of issues mixed up in her – the two of you running together and the strife that is causing, and him and her running together, and the strife THAT is causing. Maybe you all should just go back to running alone or running in larger groups?
Post # 4
I would probably be just as upset as you are. It seems like he is willing to go out of his way to do things for someone else than he is for you. As his SO you should be first on his list.
Post # 5
You are not over-reacting at all! WTH has her buying new running clothes got anything to do with him? You are his girlfriend, he should be running with you!
Post # 6
@Corgi-cariad: It seems like this running thing has turned into a sore spot for you two….but the whole, “You slow me down” thing, would have been mentioned once, and every ensuing conversation we had surrounding that topic would have ended with him mysteriously getting food poisoning…what is WRONG with him?
The one on one running with the work bimbo would stop, or I would go contract the biggest, beefiest, most gorgeous personal trainer, nutritionist, massuer I could find and go running with him instead….let Forest Gump see how it feels to have someone else sweating with his significant other….
Post # 7
I would be pissed. That is totally inappropriate and hurtful. It makes no sense for him to run with her, who is slower than you, when his reason for not running with you is that you are too slow.
If I were you I might go find my own extremely attractive male “work running buddy”. 😉 (kidding! I know that won’t solve anything… but it would give him a taste of his own medicine!)
Even though FI runs faster than me, when we run together he usually runs at my pace with me. We are not training for a marathon or anything, but I might be a little irked if he consistently left me in the dust.
Post # 8
i don’t think it’s a big deal for him to run with her in general (though it sounds like you already have concerns about their relationship/her being inappropriate). but it’s really rude/disrespectful/inconsiderate of him to blow you off for her, especially when he’s asked you to change your schedule around for his. if i were you, i’d talk to him about these as interrelated but also separate issues–1) maintaining boundaries with this girl and 2) doing this together as a bonding experience
Post # 9
@Corgi-cariad: Look, I’m all for calling it like I see it, but I hardly think you know her well enough ( after 1 meeting you said) to have pegged her a slut or work bitch. If you’re mad, your anger should be directed at your SO. She isn’t the true issue here. So using those terms and feeling threatened by her will not resonate with your SO. I would talk with him and not even mention her at all, it is between YOU and HIM and YOUR relationship boundaries, no matter how many ” Meg’s” and ” Johns” may surface in and out if your lives together.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I woud be pissed (I’m not a runner, just an elliptical-er, lol). I have no idea why he thinks “Meg’s” new running clothes is an impetus to run with her, makes no sense. Maybe you three can run together and you two can leave her in the dust!
Post # 11
Everything about this is wrong, in my opinion.
First of all, he should not be blowing you off to hang with another woman. Second, even if he made plans to run with her, why cant you go too?
Third of all, him making comments about how you slow him down are just rude. My husband is a foot taller than me, but I am a better runner. We run together as a way to encourage eachother and have fun. If he ever made a comment about me slowing him down, it would be the last time I run with him.
Post # 12
Um, no. This is not ok and it’s ridiculous of him to think it is ok.
Post # 13
I’d be annoyed, too but why can’t you all run together? The issue is with him and not her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him running with her alone, but it’s annoying if he chooses her over you or bitches about running with you then goes an runs with someone slower. He probably just feels he can’t say no to her because he doesn’t want it to be awkward in the office. Who knows. Try and talk to him calmly about how it makes you feel, without bringing her into the conversation at all. Would you feel the same way if it was a male? or his sister? If so, try and explain it that way perhaps. If you come off as not trusting him, it just won’t end well.
Post # 14
@beachchicbride: @Jacqui90: Right!!! This was my feeling but didn’t know if I was off the mark or just blinded by joggers jealousy..
@Nona99: @hollyberry4: you’re both suggesting beating him at his own game-2 of you can’t be wrong!!
@NAvery: he suggested tonight going together as a ‘group’ but I actually don’t like running in groups-it’s fine with him as he’s basically an extension of me, but this other ‘lady’-I feel like u shouldn’t be the one changing my schedule or plans because he’s picked up some stray along the way! Maybe I could get him to mention to her about a local running club I know of… 🙂
@finnaroo: this is the frustrating thing-if it was any of his guy friends I wouldn’t mind (assuming the could run better than me), but its the fact it’s the ‘lady’ who has tried to woo him with her Latino moves in the past that bothers me the most-I trust him 100% its not like I think anything would happen but its the principle that he seems to be choosing her over me
Post # 15
No you aren’t being psycho! This is absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate! This kind of stuff would not fly in my relationship because it’s downright rude! Put a stop to that immediately!
I get pegged a lot as a “bitch” because I tell it like it is and that can sometimes be a bad thing but in this case I’d probably be quite condescending to her. I’d make her sound pathetic by saying “awww nobody else would run with you? It’s a good thing you have my overly-sweet boyfriend to help you out. Wouldn’t want you to be a loner or anything..”
I know, I know. Bitchy! But it’s me..
Post # 16
Even if he isn’t being innapropriate with her, he clearly likes the attention from her. That is why he runs with her… in my opinions based on what you said.
I would try to stop it. Your FI should value your relationship enough to sotp something he says he doesn’t enjoy and has only done twice.