Weddingbee boards

We've all heard of "bridezillas", but is there such a thing as a "waiting-zilla"??  'Cause I think I might be turning into one, lol!

So I had dinner with two of my girl friends last night whom I haven't seen in a couple of months.  They're both married, and one of them is about to have a baby, so obviously I'm the odd one out at this table (but then again, I'm pretty used to that at this point).  Dinner was a lot of fun, and I made it through most of the night without anyone asking me about the 'M' word or the 'E' word, but eventually it came. One of my friends asked, "So, are you and (SO) going to get married??" 

My friends ask me stuff like this alot, more often than I like, but I guess their curiosity gets the best of them.  Afterall, they've been with me all along the way, they love my SO, and they remember how excited I was when SO and I shopped for engagements rings back in '09. I guess they are just as antsy and excited as I am for me to finally get that proposal. But as positive as I normally am about the situation, what came out of my mouth this particular night really shocked me. I told my friend that I really don't think we're going to get married, that we love each other and we live together and I guess that is just going to have to be good enough. It was really disheartening to hear myself say this, because it hurt to realize that I truly feel it is never going to happen, after trying to be so fair and patient with my SO for so long.

I enjoyed the rest of my night with my friends, but when I arrived home I was extremely sad.  It was late so my SO had already gone to bed so there was no one to comfort me, just the apartment and the dog, and my stupid self-pity.

I got out our little binder from the filing cabinet, the one from the jeweler that has all the ring info and pictures in it, as I often do when I need a little extra 'waiting' strength. I like to look at the photographs, and remember how much fun we had looking for the perfect ring, and all the sweet things he said to me when we finally found the right one. The dog and I spent a little while with the photos, admiring all the ring's beautiful little details, the knive-edge band, and the 'surprise' diamonds. Soooooo pretty.

What I did next is why I'm a little ashamed.  Instead of putting it neatly back in the cabinet like I normally do, I shoved it into a trash bag and took it down to the dumpster.

I realize it was probably a really stupid idea, but at the time the decision to not have that binder in the house anymore was extremely liberating..

You do what you have to do, and if it's thowing that binder out then good for you!

EDIT: It's pretty annoying when people ask if/when you're getting married. I can relate. 

Oh honey, I'm glad you got rid of that binder! It sounds like it was haunting you from the bookshelf. 

wow! good for you! i'm sure you feel more free. you have those happy memories in your thoughts! you have the strength and wait some more. could you possibly ask your SO about it?

Wow, definitely not the reaction I was expecting!

Thank you, everyone, for being so kind.  I was prepared for a much different reaction, and to be told I was some sort of lunatic!  But I feel much better now that I've read everyone's replies, and actually feel a little silly for not tossing that thing in the garbage sooner!

**HUGS to everyone!**

@jessiesbabe: It's okay, I haven't been here long and I don't have any posts that talk about our history.  I will try to give you guys the Cliff's Notes version of our story:

We've been dating since the beginning of '08, first talked about marriage summer of '09 - he brought it up first, not me.  He also moved into my apartment around this same time, not my first choice, I would've much prefered we stay living seperate, but he got laid off from his job and it ended up being our only choice after a while. Ring shopping came about because he asked me to.  He said he wanted to ask me to marry him, and wanted to know what ring I would like for engagement, so after about 2 months of looking around on the weekends we narrowed it down, got pricing, sized my finger, everything.  Ever since then it's just been a waiting-game.  Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries come and they pass, and still no ring.  I've been patient because I know a ring costs a lot of money, and we've had our fair share of financial ups and downs.  We've never been in a situation of severe hardship however, we've always had money for everything we need, and money here and there to go eat nice dinners, do fun things, and buy nice things for the house, upgrades for our vehicles, etc.  I even gave him an old diamond promise-ring I had from a previous relationship (worth about $800) that I told him he could use toward a down payment, so between that and putting away a little money each month, even though I didnt expect a proposal immediately, I did sort of expect it by now.

@CupcakeLove: he hasn't said anything about NOT wanting to get married, it's just been such a long time since he's said anything on the subject that wasn't a joke.  He brings up us getting married all the time and he jokes about it.  He introduces me to people as his "future wife", he'll take a cocktail ring off of a display at the store and put it on my finger, he even talks about songs that we should play at our wedding. When friends ask him when he is going to ask me to marry him he tells them "When I have money for the ring", but he never gets more specific than that.  Do you have half the money? a third of the money?  At this point I don't know if he's done anything at all.  Half of me feels like he brings this stuff up all the time because it's coming soon, but then the other half of me feels like he brings it up all the time because he's trying to hide the fact that he's no step closer to proposing to me than he was in '09 when we went shopping.

@aprose: "its not a happy feeling to have your hopes raised like that only to have them deflated little by little as times goes on."  Amen to that!!

@ChicChick: I haven't sat him down and had a serious talk about it.  I've thought about doing it a million times, but when it comes down to it, I'm too proud to let him know how disappointed and fragile I am over the situation.  I've always been a very independent woman with a modern mind-set and very casual about the topic of marriage (If I meet my soulmate and it happens, great! If not I'm not going to go marry some doof just for the sake of getting married).  I think the hardest part for me is realizing that now, now that I have met my soulmate, it means A LOT to me that we get married.  I'm also afraid of making him feel pressured into giving me a ring, or worse yet making him feel like I don't value him just because he hasn't given me a ring. I know however that eventually I will have to have this talk with him, it's unavoidable.

P.S. Glad you all liked my 'Waiting-zillas' joke, maybe we should pitch that to TLC or WE or whatever network that other show comes on, hahaha :)

Don't feel ashamed!!! There's nothing wrong about you, your feelings or you actions... I know how you feel. Most of the bees here can totally relate to you.

Lots of great ideas ladies, thank you 

You are all right, I need to say something.  It's no excuse, but my SO and I are such 'comedians', it's hard for me to bring up serious topics out of the blue without some sort of segway.  Even if it's something like the power bill needing to be paid, haha.  I've been telling myself for a while now that the next time he jokes about us getting married or calls me his "future wife" I would bring up the topic, but up until this point I've chickened out every time.

Next time it happens, I NEED to say something.  And you guys are right, I don't have to be accusatory or pushy, I just need to explain how much it confuses me. Like loveneverfails suggested, maybe I can offer to pick up an extra bill each month or something, to free up some more money for him.  I'd like to find a way I can help speed this along, but without ruining the surprise.

@soyjoy222: well, that's a question to which I am uncertain of the answer.  Like I said, that folder had my ring size, the serial number for the ring and all that other stuff.  I would like to think that by now he has atleast put the order in for the ring and is making payments on it, in which case he wouldn't need the folder anymore. But I can't be for sure that is the case.

If he hasn't ordered it, and goes looking for that folder so he CAN order it, and can't find it, I hope like hell he paid enough attention while we were shopping to remember the style and the designer on his own!  If not he's going to have to come ask me, and that's going to suck for him! lol!

@kay01: I wish I had the 'cajones' to do something like that!!