- 6 years ago
We’ve all heard of “bridezillas”, but is there such a thing as a “waiting-zilla”?? ‘Cause I think I might be turning into one, lol!
So I had dinner with two of my girl friends last night whom I haven’t seen in a couple of months. They’re both married, and one of them is about to have a baby, so obviously I’m the odd one out at this table (but then again, I’m pretty used to that at this point). Dinner was a lot of fun, and I made it through most of the night without anyone asking me about the ‘M’ word or the ‘E’ word, but eventually it came. One of my friends asked, “So, are you and (SO) going to get married??”
My friends ask me stuff like this alot, more often than I like, but I guess their curiosity gets the best of them. Afterall, they’ve been with me all along the way, they love my SO, and they remember how excited I was when SO and I shopped for engagements rings back in ’09. I guess they are just as antsy and excited as I am for me to finally get that proposal. But as positive as I normally am about the situation, what came out of my mouth this particular night really shocked me. I told my friend that I really don’t think we’re going to get married, that we love each other and we live together and I guess that is just going to have to be good enough. It was really disheartening to hear myself say this, because it hurt to realize that I truly feel it is never going to happen, after trying to be so fair and patient with my SO for so long.
I enjoyed the rest of my night with my friends, but when I arrived home I was extremely sad. It was late so my SO had already gone to bed so there was no one to comfort me, just the apartment and the dog, and my stupid self-pity.
I got out our little binder from the filing cabinet, the one from the jeweler that has all the ring info and pictures in it, as I often do when I need a little extra ‘waiting’ strength. I like to look at the photographs, and remember how much fun we had looking for the perfect ring, and all the sweet things he said to me when we finally found the right one. The dog and I spent a little while with the photos, admiring all the ring’s beautiful little details, the knive-edge band, and the ‘surprise’ diamonds. Soooooo pretty.
What I did next is why I’m a little ashamed. Instead of putting it neatly back in the cabinet like I normally do, I shoved it into a trash bag and took it down to the dumpster.
I realize it was probably a really stupid idea, but at the time the decision to not have that binder in the house anymore was extremely liberating..