Really Bad Waiting Day

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Vivasevilla804:  I’m sorry you’re having a hard day! It is understandable that you would be upset. I would just have a heart to heart with your SO and set up a timeline. “I’d like to get married by this date and I’d like this amount of time to plan. ?” I’ll use myself as an example “I’d like to be married by August 2015, and I would like a year or so  to plan. Do you think we could be engaged by July 2014?”

To me this is less pushy and more of goal setting. Some guys really have no idea how much time and money it takes to have a wedding and I can almost garuntee him following his dream to buy a boat was innocent and was not an attempt to make you feel badly! He could also be ring shopping, you never know! Just talk to him 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Men do like to have their monetary ducks in a row as far as career when it comes to marriage. There is no getting around that. Just make sure that is the legitimate reason for him wanting to wait. If he already has his goal job and can afford to live, then it’s probably not the real reason.

I don’t think I would bring up the boat purchase. It’s not going to come across well to him. He’s already told you he’s not ready. You can’t do anything at this point except accept it ( if the reason he gave you is sound or you feel like you can continue without marriage ) or move on.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Seven YEARS! I think I would have shoved that boat down his throat by now… But you are basically a saint for waiting so patiently for so long!

Do you guys have a general timeline? He might think that he needs to propose in March 2015 for a June 2015 wedding!

Post # 7
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Vivasevilla804:  well offical timeline at least in my opinion is not to pressure, but more of a way to tell him what you are looking for.  Making a decision to marry is huge and should be done after much collaboration between the two of you. Talking is key. If he can’t talk about it, he is no where near ready. Like a pp said if he isn’t interested you have to decide if you can continue to be a relationship unmarried or if you need to move on.

Post # 8
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Vivasevilla804:  I feel you, sister. I’ve heard that boats are horrible money-sinks, and I’m waaaay more of a saver than a spender, so it would be painful to see him buy such an expensive toy! Especially if your guy is claiming finances as the main reason your relationship isn’t moving forward.  Ouch! ((Hugs)). Some might say that you aren’t married yet, so it’s not your business to tell him what to do with his money. While I generally agree, I think that if you’re planning a future together, you should be able to at least *discuss* big financial decisions that will affect your future.

Post # 9
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Vivasevilla804:  I feel your pain! SO and I will be celebrating 6 years next week. He wants his finances in order before proposing and has set timelines before, but something always seems to pop up unexpectedly. I’m pretty sure we’re almost at the end of waiting, but it’s definitely been extremely difficult and I have had some less than stellar moments. 

Could the boat be part of his way of securing financial security? You mentioned that he is a Captain, so maybe having his own boat could make him feel more secure in the future?

I’d suggest trying to talk to him about things. You don’t necessarily have to mention the boat specifically, but you could gently ask where things are heading. The only problem I can see is if he doesn’t even want to discuss marriage at all. I don’t think you need to worry about that though, since you already said you guys had discussed it a bit.

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

@Vivasevilla804:  Hey, just wanted to come to say”hugs” to you.  I know how it feels.  But, it might be worth considering men with their projects think of showing their love/preparing for the future in different ways to us.  For example. he’s most likely bought the bought with the thought of sailing out with you, his fiance-to-be and eventally wife-to-be.  He’s thinking of the romance of that.  For me, SO keeps thinking of how we can go for dinners with other married friends when we are married and I’m thinking well think of the ring stage then 😛

 

My dad bought a new motorbike without consulting my mum and she was furious but he eventually got her to relent when he kept going on about how they can ride of it to the beach etc. 

 

 

 

So really, this is not to excuse the boat buying but to explain it.

 

Post # 11
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I hope that he takes you out on his new boat and proposes with your ring… 

 

Cos it’s really not fair if he buys that thing and you don’t see a ring in the 6 months following! Especially after how long you’ve waited. 

Post # 14
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

@Vivasevilla804:  so glad that he has other money for a ring too! 🙂 hope you don’t have to wait to much longer x

Post # 15
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Vivasevilla804:  I am so, so glad that you two could talk about it.

I was getting ready to post that many other ladies on the waiting boards had SO’s who spent a lot of money on themselves right before they proposed. It’s almost as if they are giving themselves an engagement present, haha!

Good luck, can’t wait to read your proposal story!

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