really conflicted about what to do… (loooong story)

posted 3 years ago in Accessories
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@mu_t:  I had my deceased grandma’s brooch on my bouquet and I didn’t think of her once that day.  Give the pins to the florist, she’ll pop them in and you will have bigger things to worry about on your wedding day.

Also, I think it’s weird as hell that she wanted to do that, but I guess it’s a gesture!

Post # 4
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mu_t:   I understand completely and I think you’d be wise to have no reminders of anything negative on your wedding day.   You already graciously accepted her offer, which was nice of you.  But think of another “borrowed” item to use on your wedding day and leave her hair clips at home.   She doesn’t have to know.  She’s not coming to the wedding, is she?

Post # 7
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mu_t:  Haha, that’s even better.  😉  Nothing to feel guilty about anyway, though.  Maybe she won’t ask or if she does say you forgot them if you don’t want to lie. 

Post # 9
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@mu_t:  I would take the hair clips and not use them honestly. Will she be going to your wedding? She will not know and no harm/ no foul. I have girlfriends who no longer speak to bridesmaids who will forever be in their wedding pics and there is no reason to taint your forever memories with something negative.

Post # 10
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Sunfire:  Lol, I would do the exact same thing!! But I have no guilt about lying to make people feel better–it’s a family trait!

Post # 11
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@mu_t:  I have to be honest and say that I think your friend made a really nice gesture and that your concern seems petty to me. If you had any reservations about it, you should have told her politely at the time that you weren’t sure about your accessories but would keep her offer in mind.

At this point, it is clearly too late for that and if I were you I’d incorporate them into the bouquet and if you think of her on that day, focus on the years if happy friendship. It befuddles me that brides worry about not having a single sad or “negative” thought or emotion on their wedding day. Also, I really don’t think a charm or trinket is going to substantially impact your happiness day of anyhow.

Post # 12
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What an odd request. I would tell her you appreciate the thought but your something borrowed is coming from your mom/grandma or something, but thanks anyway. 

Post # 13
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

….. Having a hair clip in your possession is going  to make you uneasy? I assure you that you will have bigger things on your mind than 2 bobby pins. Accept them graciously, stick them in your hair/flower/ hell even your purse and move on. To do otherwise just makes you petty. 

Post # 14
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I feel like this is very dramatic, for no reason. Graciously accept her strange offer, and get over it. Its just petty to be making a big deal out of this because of your ‘history’.

Post # 15
coyoteBee
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

FWIW, I had a similar thing happen in that I was offered something to wear on my wedding day that I didn’t want to wear – not the falling out with a friend part… I am sorry to hear about all of that.

Anyways! A friend of my mother made a garter for me. It was very sweet and very pretty and I’m sure she put a lot of time into making it, but…. I had zero desire to wear a garter on my wedding day. So I brought it with me, got a few photos taken of it with my other accessories and left it in the hotel room. No harm, no foul. My mother showed her friend the photos and all was well so my vote is to just get a few photos taken of the clips and then take them out of your bouquet.

Post # 16
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree with PPs.  It will make your interactions with her easier to just accept the items.  You can add one to the bouquet, and I doubt you’ll even think about it on your wedding day.  Or you can not use them at all.  If she is coming to the wedding, you may have an awkward moment if she doesn’t see the items at all, but if she isn’t no harm done!

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