Post # 1
So yeah, as many of you know I’m currently receiving unemployment after my last job did not work out for either the employer or myself. I’m still not over it. After I was let go, we moved to NEPA where FI could afford a house. He also got us a new car, as he would be driving my old one to and from work from now on.
I found a crappy waitressing job, where I bust my butt 2-3 days a week getting docked more from having to claim the days on unemployment than I’m actually making. I do it, because I just CANT sit home and do nothing. I feel horrible about myself, as I even suck at waitressing. Any sense of pride or accomplishment I ever had is out the window.
So here I am driving a new car (never thought I’d own one in my whole life) … we JUST started paying for it, literally bought it no more than two months ago. Today, I crashed it. I was so upset about the doctor appt. I had just come from and them telling me I need an MRI, completely lifestyle overhaul that involved giving up chocolate, cheese all my favorite foods etc, that a truck and I both started backing out at the same time and backed into eachother.
The damage is not terrible, but it’s clear. The rear headlight has moved out of place somehow and wont go back. I came home crying to FI, searching for forgiveness and support, and while he said he wasn’t mad, he has been clearly upset all day. I asked if we could fix it and he was basically like, “It’s done, it will never be the same again, there is no point.” I would have thought he’d want to make me feel better, have SOME comforting words, A HUG I didn’t have to force out of him, but none of the above. I’m so upset, and he is just letting me wallow in it … I guess I deserve it for letting my emotions get to me 🙁
Post # 3
I am sorry to hear about everything. When it rains it pours, I know that all to well. Don’t get down on yourself, things happen and it sounds like you really need to be concentrating on you and your health and not a replaceable object like a car. Your fiance will get over it, but I hope that he will be a little more supportive about your doctor appointment, you really need him now. I will say prayers for ya.
Post # 4
oh you poor thing….. sending hugs and im glad that you are ok – tell yourself that eveything else can be fixed, they are just things compared to your health
if you are making so little from your current job – what about volunteering instead?
sending hugs and positive vibes…i hope you start feeling better soon
Post # 5
I’m so sorry. Just like ACountryCowgirl, it really does pour when it rains!! *hugs* Keep job hunting- this has been a ROUGH year for so many people but it looks like more jobs are starting to show up. Also, it really sucks you were in the accident but I’m glad you weren’t hurt. We’re all here to support you – and better days WILL be coming soon. *lots of hugs*
Post # 6
We just had a fight because I was really upset and crying and he just laid there in bed listening to me cry. He wasn’t asleep because he had just asked why I was upset and I told him I wished he would say things to make me feel better sometimes instead of always having to be so “brutally honest.” When I tried to get him to talk about it he got mad and went downstairs on the couch to sleep. I begged him to come back up crying, but then I ended up going downstairs because it was just too hard being next to him and not touching him. And I couldn’t believe how he just walked away and was going to sleep on the couch when I was so upset. I know he has to get up early, but my crying means absolutely nothing to him, and I don’t know how we got to this point. Just because I cry a lot doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything when I do.
I’m begging God right now to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just hold this one part of my life together. I don’t think I’ll survive another loss. No job, no money, no place to live, health issues … please God, please God, please let us find our way through this. If any of you out there pray, whatever God you believe in, please pray for us.
Post # 7
Hey, it sounds like you just had a horrible day, I’m so sorry. I would just calm down about losing your FI for now, mine is a terrible fighter at night, all he can focus on is sleeping, but for some reason that’s when I feel like talking. Get it out online or in writing and leave him be for now, have some warm milk, vanilla and honey if you have it. Otherwise just warm milk, it’s great for calming the nerves. It was a horrible day but you will be fine.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you had such a bad day. Crashing a car is really emotional and I’ve done it myself. It has to be emotional for him too and maybe that’s why he couldn’t comfort you right away.
Post # 9
Oh engagedtopanda!!!!!!!!!!!! I am literally crying with you!! 🙁 🙁 🙁 And praying, since I’m one of those. 🙂
Post # 10
OH I am so sorry!! sometimes men just shut down when we are upset – and when we push them for emotion, it just makes them shut down more. I have seen my husband do this and its really hard to believe that I am crying and he is getting harder and harder…..it doesn’t happen often, but man it sucks when it does!
You are not going to lose your relationship over this, I promise! As hard as it is, just let him have his space, use WB or your friends to vent and get support.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone, your words are so helpful. I’m awake this morning alone and FI left for work. I have to go to my final dress fitting today, and im going to see if i can just not put the dress on. I really don’t want to right now.
This isn’t the first fight like this we’ve had. It’s been a really hard six months (I lost my job, we moved to the boonies, where I couldn’t find a new job, found a new part-time job and now hate it), and I’m really upset that just when I was sure we were coming out of it, we have another bad fight. I’m terrified.
Post # 12
Oh Panda, huge hugs to you. I’m hoping (and praying) that things turn around for you — if not today, then soon. Rough spots are awful, especially when things seem to just keep pilling on. We’re always here for you! <3
Post # 13
I’ve heard for a LOT of couples the last few months before the wedding are some of the hardest, most conflict filled months of all ~ so much pressure, stress, planning, and (even if you’re living together still) a lot of emotions tied up with the fact that you just aren’t married yet when you’re really ready to be!
Hope things get better… remember why you fell in love in the first place; maybe you and FI can make some time to go out together and focus on each other and not the ‘stuff’ that seems to be piling up around.
Post # 14
The last couple months were the hardest for us like daydreamwanderer said. We even had a huge fight the day we were packing the vehicles for our destination wedding where he blurted out in front of my sister that if it was going to be this way, he’s not going. It’s a stressful time and I’m sure it’s multiplied by everything else you’re going through.
I agree that the two of you need to try to focus on each other and why you’re doing all of this. I hope things get better for you.
Post # 15
I am sorry about your car, but the important thing is that you are safe and nothing happened to you. You can fix a headlight and a bumper! Give FI some time and space. he probably is a little bummed by the car but knows he shouldn’t say anything because it was an accident.
Post # 16
EtP, have you read many of Mrs. Cheese’s relationship posts? She has some wonderful things to say about arguments and tough times in relationships, and getting through them.
You’ve had a really rough six months, and it’s no wonder you feel the way you feel right now. My guess is that part of why your fiance maybe isn’t being as supportive as you’d like is that he feels partially responsible for your unhappiness, since you moved to the boonies for him and you haven’t been able to find a good job yet. It’s easier for him to shut down and avoid your unhappiness instead of dealing with it, because he’s hurting too.
I should say that my husband also isn’t great at dealing with me when I’m upset or crying. Like a lot of guys, he gets frustrated when he can’t “fix” me in under 10 minutes, and if I’m still upset after those 10 minutes, he kind of shuts down. I went through some dark periods last year, partly because of wedding planning. He was job-hunting in anticipation of finishing his degree and couldn’t help much, and I felt like I was trying to fulfill his family’s HUGE expectations for our wedding all by myself. (My family is very low-key about weddings. His is, uh, not.) When I got stressed out, what I wanted him to say was “don’t worry, it will be a wonderful wedding, everyone will have a great time, you’re doing a great job.” Instead, he’d tell me he felt like I was spending too much time on the wedding and it “didn’t have to be this hard.” Uh, DJs don’t just show up if you didn’t hire them, honey! I’ve kind of accepted that he’s not very good at telling me what I need to hear to feel better. So instead of stewing and resenting him, I call my mom or my friends — they’re much better at it 🙂
Have you guys talked about premarital or marriage counseling? It might help to get a 3rd party to help you talk through how you can deal with these kinds of things together, and how your fiance can be more constructive and supportive when you’re depressed. ::hugs:: good luck, please let us know how you’re doing!!