(Closed) Really depressed today :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am sorry to hear about everything.  When it rains it pours, I know that all to well.  Don’t get down on yourself, things happen and it sounds like you really need to be concentrating on you and your health and not a replaceable object like a car.  Your fiance will get over it, but I hope that he will be a little more supportive about your doctor appointment, you really need him now.  I will say prayers for ya.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

oh you poor thing….. sending hugs and im glad that you are ok – tell yourself that eveything else can be fixed, they are just things compared to your health

if you are making so little from your current job – what about volunteering instead? 

sending hugs and positive vibes…i hope you start feeling better soon

Post # 5
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry. Just like ACountryCowgirl, it really does pour when it rains!! *hugs* Keep job hunting-  this has been a ROUGH year for so many people but it looks like more jobs are starting to show up. Also, it really sucks you were in the accident but I’m glad you weren’t hurt. We’re all here to support you – and better days WILL be coming soon. *lots of hugs*

 

Post # 7
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hey, it sounds like you just had a horrible day, I’m so sorry.  I would just calm down about losing your FI for now, mine is a terrible fighter at night, all he can focus on is sleeping, but for some reason that’s when I feel like talking.  Get it out online or in writing and leave him be for now, have some warm milk, vanilla and honey if you have it.  Otherwise just warm milk, it’s great for calming the nerves.  It was a horrible day but you will be fine.

Post # 8
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m so sorry you had such a bad day. Crashing a car is really emotional and I’ve done it myself. It has to be emotional for him too and maybe that’s why he couldn’t comfort you right away.

Post # 9
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh engagedtopanda!!!!!!!!!!!! I am literally crying with you!! πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ And praying, since I’m one of those. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

OH I am so sorry!! sometimes men just shut down when we are upset – and when we push them for emotion, it just makes them shut down more.  I have seen my husband do this and its really hard to believe that I am crying and he is getting harder and harder…..it doesn’t happen often, but man it sucks when it does!

  You are not going to lose your relationship over this, I promise! As hard as it is, just let him have his space, use WB or your friends to vent and get support. 

Post # 12
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Oh Panda, huge hugs to you. I’m hoping (and praying) that things turn around for you — if not today, then soon. Rough spots are awful, especially when things seem to just keep pilling on. We’re always here for you! <3

Post # 13
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve heard for a LOT of couples the last few months before the wedding are some of the hardest, most conflict filled months of all ~ so much pressure, stress, planning, and (even if you’re living together still) a lot of emotions tied up with the fact that you just aren’t married yet when you’re really ready to be!

Hope things get better… remember why you fell in love in the first place; maybe you and FI can make some time to go out together and focus on each other and not the ‘stuff’ that seems to be piling up around.

Post # 14
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The last couple months were the hardest for us like daydreamwanderer said.  We even had a huge fight the day we were packing the vehicles for our destination wedding where he blurted out in front of my sister that if it was going to be this way, he’s not going.  It’s a stressful time and I’m sure it’s multiplied by everything else you’re going through. 

I agree that the two of you need to try to focus on each other and why you’re doing all of this.  I hope things get better for you.

Post # 15
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am sorry about your car, but the important thing is that you are safe and nothing happened to you.  You can fix a headlight and a bumper!   Give FI some time and space. he probably is a little bummed by the car but knows he shouldn’t say anything because it was an accident.

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

EtP, have you read many of Mrs. Cheese’s relationship posts?  She has some wonderful things to say about arguments and tough times in relationships, and getting through them. 

You’ve had a really rough six months, and it’s no wonder you feel the way you feel right now.  My guess is that part of why your fiance maybe isn’t being as supportive as you’d like is that he feels partially responsible for your unhappiness, since you moved to the boonies for him and you haven’t been able to find a good job yet.  It’s easier for him to shut down and avoid your unhappiness instead of dealing with it, because he’s hurting too.

I should say that my husband also isn’t great at dealing with me when I’m upset or crying.  Like a lot of guys, he gets frustrated when he can’t “fix” me in under 10 minutes, and if I’m still upset after those 10 minutes, he kind of shuts down.  I went through some dark periods last year, partly because of wedding planning.  He was job-hunting in anticipation of finishing his degree and couldn’t help much, and I felt like I was trying to fulfill his family’s HUGE expectations for our wedding all by myself.  (My family is very low-key about weddings.  His is, uh, not.)  When I got stressed out, what I wanted him to say was “don’t worry, it will be a wonderful wedding, everyone will have a great time, you’re doing a great job.”  Instead, he’d tell me he felt like I was spending too much time on the wedding and it “didn’t have to be this hard.”  Uh, DJs don’t just show up if you didn’t hire them, honey!  I’ve kind of accepted that he’s not very good at telling me what I need to hear to feel better.  So instead of stewing and resenting him, I call my mom or my friends — they’re much better at it πŸ™‚

Have you guys talked about premarital or marriage counseling?  It might help to get a 3rd party to help you talk through how you can deal with these kinds of things together, and how your fiance can be more constructive and supportive when you’re depressed.  ::hugs:: good luck, please let us know how you’re doing!!

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