Weddingbee boards

Our baby will be born in April.  I am supposed to start an internship in September.  My mother was going to provide childcare for us, but that is no longer an option.  My two brothers in their early 20's still live at home.  They are disrespectful, pay no bills, have no sense of responsibility, have drug issues, etc.  My mom enables it, then cries to me about how mean they are to her.  My husband and I avoid going there because we can't stand the yelling and screaming.  Things were on the road to changing (brother in rehab, family therapy was supposed to start) so we thought things would be ok.  But nothing is happening.

I have researched child care for infants, and I don't like what I am finding.  I feel that (for me personally) 5 months is too young for a baby to go to daycare.  I honestly feel lucky to even have the ability to make that decision knowing that so many people have no choice whatsoever.  And I most definately do not have anything negative to say about people who do have infants in daycare, I promise. 

But I am just not comfortable with it.  Also this is not a paid internship, and daycare is not exactly affordable.  I think I need to cancel my internship and take a year off school.

I have worked so hard in this program to get where I am.  I am lucky to have my internship already lined up.  This place gave me an amazing opportunity to apply and interview early due to the baby.  I don't want to screw up the opportunity.

I am at a complete loss.  My mom is obviously pissed off and hurt that I won't let her babysit, but I need to protect my baby first. 

I just don't know what to do.  I just want my family to change, but that won't happen.

@o0olibelulao0o:  I would, but she is too involved in enabling my brothers.  She has to drive them everywhere, cook for them, etc.  It is crazy.  Seriously inappropriate.  One brother lost his license, and the other smashed his car.  She doesn't have time to be here for that many hours, unfortunately. 

@les105:  I do, but a lot of our friends live a minimum of 30 minutes away :(

I second those that are suggesting having your mum babysit in your home or getting a nanny. Cancelling teh internship seems extreme IMO.

@Moja Milosc:  I am going to talk to my husband about his mom babysitting.  She is the next physically closest person, though still 45 minutes away each way.  But no other relatives live any closer.

@o0olibelulao0o:  Childbirth classes or a mom's group might be a great way to meet other local moms.  That could work.

I think a nanny is out of reach, price-wise. 

I wish my mom babysitting here was an option, but it can't be.  I really wish she could so badly.

@heathaah:  You also could try for a nanny share which is what I'm gonna do. If you meet a womens group or people in a childbirth class you could split the cost of a nnay who would watch both kids...

@Moja Milosc:  True, it is short-term.  But she will be 4.5 months when daycare starts and it will last 9 months.  I hate that so much.  I was crying when I was looking at the local daycares.  I suppose I'd rather the 45 minute drive to bring her to her other grandma's house.  Or start saving now for a nanny, which is easier said than done when a baby is on the way!!

@kimbo89:  Yes, but talking to her doesn't work.  She gets defensive, cries, and yells about how it is not her fault.  Then she gets all passive aggressive and says "yup, i am a bad mother...I am wrong..."  Then she begins listing everything she has ever done for us that we "don't appreciate" because we are upset with the current situation.....

ETA:The company is only 3 people...including me! 

@Mrs. Spring:  It is 3 days a week, or 20 hours (so more days with less hours, or two very long days).  My husband works from 10-6 every day.  I will be doing mental health counseling in schools, so I need to work daytime hours.  :(

@MerryC:  I love that you used her name.  :)  I am pretty sure they would let me come back next year instead, but not positive.  I want to be sure about this decision before I bring it up with them, obviously.  I so wish my mom could babysit here.

@plantains:  I agree...I love this idea.

I, in no way, would be comfortable with a baby at my mom's if that were the situation. You have a right to feel that way, and it is a shame that your brothers are ultimately putting you in this situation.

I also see where you are coming from with a tiny baby in daycare. When I worked with families with children, I used to have so many moms say the same things you did. Nothing wrong with it if you have to do it, but it's a great peace of mind if you can avoid it until the child is a little older, you know?

In college, I was on a website called care.com, and it was for people that are able to nanny, clean houses, babysit, etc. It might not be as expensive. (not sure if posting the website is against the promotion rules, agh!!)

Would you be able to do your internship one or two days a week and just take longer to complete it? That way you wouldnt need help as much?

@babymakes3:  No, I think maybe 18-24 months is a fine time to start daycare.  I am actually a firm believer that beginning at a certain age, daycare is very beneficial.  I do plan to work, but I won't graduate for another year at least.  I was planning on taking the summer off that year and beginning daycare in the fall.  I was not planning on having family babysit at that point. 

ETA:  This baby took 18 months to conceive after infertility treatments.  Having another one would be a total blessing but a surprise still.  I'd have to reevaluate then, but as of now it seems pretty out of reach, 

@soyjoy222:  Unfortunately, due to the fact that I will be working in various elementry schools, the internship has to be September through May.  :(

Would you trust your mom for 1 out of the 3 days?

I've been babysitting one day a week for a friend for free.  Maybe they'll babysit our LO at some point, so it will be a babysitter exchange.  So the mommy groups might work out or some sort of baby sitting exchange?

@Janna19:  That sounds so perfect.