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Really down today, we're cutting back on so much

posted 3 months ago in The Lounge
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    1.
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    Bumble bee
    SimplyChic11    December 30, 2011  

    right now we only have one income, I didn't realize how badly we were off until now. I'm afraid to bring this up too much with DH because he's used to not taking care of himself and not eating well but I've been going hungry lately. I don't eat much when he's not home, there's hardly any money left for food. Even though it's February we've had to turn the heat nearly off because we can't afford it this month. I've been really sick this past week and haven't been sleeping well. 

    I know it's stupid to feel sorry for myself but I can't help crying while he's at work today. I tired of skipping events because I have no gas money to get me there, I really think a lot of this illness would go away if I were able to eat better. Turning down the heat so much and living on 2 meals a day is really getting to me. I have a lot of health issues and don't know how much longer I can go on living like this. I'm tempted to call home and ask my mom to send us some food but I know DH's pride would never be okay with that. He thinks we're going to be find and I hate bringing up the fact that I'm physically hurting because of all we've had to cut back on. 

     

     
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    kate169    May 21, 2011   Virginia

    Oh no!!! I'm sorry to hear this. I know there are some energy assistance programs in my area...are there any in yours that you could look into to get your heat on? As far as eating, you need to get food regardless of your husband's pride.

     
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    MidwestBride2012    October 13, 2012  

    @SimplyChic11:  I would seriously consider getting a job yourself if the money just isn't working out. At the very least, talk to your husband. You have to be able to face this together.

     
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    abbie017    March 16, 2013  

    I'm so sorry!!  I think you  need to tell your husband that you haven't been getting enough food, and the conditions are actually making you sick.  Something needs to be changed soon.  Hurt pride is a small issue when the flip side is you being healthy and fed.

     
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    MrsPinkPeony    June 4, 2011   Charleston, SC

    Yikes, can you work? It's certainly not ideal but if you worked at a fast food restaurant or something you get a free meal a day :/ Otherwise, pride be damned and ask your parents for food. What does your husband have to say about all this?

     
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    Blushing bee
    windcriesamy    April 6, 2013   North Carolina

    I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I'm willing to bet he'd rather swallow his pride and get you some food than have you get seriously ill.

     
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    Miss Longcoat    March 31, 2012   Woodbridge, VA

    I'm so sorry you are going through this; have you looked into assistance?  There are some relatively short-term options for people going through hard times.  Here is a link that might help:

    http://feedingamerica.org/need-help.aspx

    I remember that you're in school as well; can you apply for additional financial aid?

     
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    missrobots    April 30, 2011  

    I know there are outreach programs in my area that offer free food to ANYBODY. You don't have to prove income or anything. They are there for people who need help.

     
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    MissBoPeep       New England

    Oh honey, I'm sorry you're going through this.  I've been where you are and it's awful.  My SO was unemployed for 2 years and it was some of the hardest times of my life.  Call the town and find out about any energy assistance programs in your area to get your heat on, and if you have to go to a soup kitchen or a food pantry to eat that's nothing to be ashamed of. Also I know it's not ideal but we lived on rice and 25 cent boxes of mac n cheese for awhile.  You can get an 8 pack of cheap hot dogs for $1 too.  We could barely afford anything, our electricity was turned off more than once because I just didn't have the money to pay the bill.  I took a second job at McDonald's while my SO was still looking for work to make ends meet.  Also please talk to your husband about this.  We were able to get through this together, I can't imagine going through it alone.

    ETA: In most states you can dial 2-1-1 to find assistance programs you're eligible for.

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    Could you go to a food bank for some food?  I'm not sure where you live, but I know they have a program with my utility company to help people who can't afford to heat their homes.  You need to get help from someone, you already have health problems that need attention, you don't need to cause more.

     
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    Ms.Dachshund    October 1, 2011   Maryland

    Im a social worker and deal with linking people to services for food, energy assistance, housing, you name it. Check out local food banks, Food Sunday, the Rescue Mission, or Salvation Army. At least in my area, you are able to get a large food basket each month. It is stocked with canned goods, breads, pasta, juices, and seasonal veggies and fruits.

    As far as electric, your state should provide a program for energy assistance. In Maryland its called MEAP. It helps with a large chunk of your bill. And you may want to consider budget billing. That way you arent paying a huge bill in the summer and winter. Instead, you pay the same amount year round.

    Not sure what area you are in, but if its MD, feel free to PM me and I can give you more specific sources and numbers.  

     
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    jocember    August 17, 2013   Syracuse, NY

    Definitely third the food bannk idea - I have a coworker who goes to one with her husband, and she says it's so great. People donate all kinds of wonderful foods and it's almost like grocery shopping. She and her husband would practically starve without it between his medical bills and their mortgage and other necessities.

    God, that sucks so much. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you're going through but I can imagine how bad it must feel. It is definitely important to keep up your strength to stay healthy, so please consider food banks so you can get enough to eat.

    As far as the heat goes, when I was in college our landlords controlled the heat which meant we barely got any ever (thermostat was broken, never fixed it). It got SO cold in our apartment with drafty windows and we turned to blankets, hats and gloves inside the house to help. You might be able to find a local Salvation Army store to stock up on fingerless gloves, extra bulky sweaters, maybe some thermal underwear to put on under your clothes which will help stave off the cold and keep your body warm.

     
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    Evie19    January 21, 2012  

    I am so sorry. The bees above have already posted all the practical info to help and I don't have much to add.

    I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    yellowshoe    December 2011   Laguna Beach, CA

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with PPs that you need to talk to your DH about this. You guys are married and in this together. He needs to know the truth about how it's affecting your health. There is no shame in asking for help.

     
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    tiki429    August 9, 2008  

    Not to be snotty but is there any where in your budget you can cut the fat for extra cash?  TV, cell phones.....internet?

     
    16.
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    Bumble bee
    SimplyChic11    December 30, 2011  

    Thanks all, there's really nothing left we can cut. We have no TV, internet only for work/school for us both. My phone is still on my parent's plan. we don't go anywhere when we don't have to, I've even been walking to the grocery store and back to save on gas. We're doing ok. We mostly have mac and cheese or rice for meals. I will talk to DH more about it today. I don't think he's realized how badly it affects me since I already have pre-existing health issues most of my life. It's hard to have a conversation with him without him getting defensive about it. In his mind we're not going hungry but he doesn't see all I do to make ends meet when he's not around. 

     
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    Sugar bee
    Bostongrl25    December 2017  

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.

    I agree with the others about the food banks-that is what they are there for! Also, have you looked into heat assistance programs? We have them in my area and I'm not sure exactly how it works but I think it's income based.

    Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon.

     
    18.
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    Helper bee
    moosey    September 22, 2012   Ontario

    I don't have much practical advice to add, but I wanted to throw my support behind checking out a food bank. That's what they're there for!

    I've been in the same situation with rationing heat thanks to ridiculous bills last winter. It really sucks to be cold down to your bones and have no way of fixing it. I spent a lot of time in places that were better heated -- is there anywhere you could walk to that would be a bit warmer, and not costly, like a library? I don't know if you have the time or ability to do that but I know it gave me a bit of a break during the day.

    I hope you feel better soon.

     
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    Busy bee
    moonadea    June 17, 2012   Atlanta, GA

    You can also try applying for food stamps. As long as one of you is employed 20+ hours a week and you have limited income (which clearly you do) you will qualify in most states.

     

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