(Closed) Really hurt and need input (Le Sigh)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I dont think you change yourself for anyone else but you do change to BETTER yourself. If you don’t like that some people may see you as snobby or unfriendly then you make a decision to change for the better. But not so that you please this girl. If she’s that rediculous to delete you off facebook then she’s a moron. Decide on who you want to be in life and become that. My mother is super self centered and superficial and I have to work at it every single day to be nothing like her. It’s a struggle but I know it’s worth it.

Post # 4
Member
9826 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’d try to see it as a good thing, even though it hurt. Sometimes it’s good to get a little perspective as to how we come off to other people so at the very least we can be a little more self aware. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, it’s just something to tuck away into your memory file to pull out the next time you might be conversing with someone.

 

Post # 6
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Aw that’s tough…. I’m always a little paranoid of the way I carry myself in that particular regard. I don’t know why, of all things, I’m especially concerned that people will think I consider myself better than them, but I get the gravity of your situation.

That being said, my best friend is a gorgeous, super-model-like, intelligent well-educated woman who always dresses up as much as appropriate, wears elaborate make-up, and likes finer things in life. Some people can’t stand that, I’ve heard women say horrible shit, and if I didn’t love her so much, I might hate her too… But I do love her because I got to know her. If she changed anything about herself now, I would miss it! Don’t worry about people who would rather judge than give you a fair chance. If your friends would honestly say that you’re truly a good person, appreciate that they can see that and move on from people who can’t. Do you want to be friends with someone who prefers to judge anyway? 

ETA: I’m not saying don’t change anything at all, because awareness is always a good thing to have. I am saying that you probably don’t need a personality overhaul, don’t make yourself miserable by trying to change who you are 🙂

Post # 7
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you need to change your behaviour. You need to be yourself and you’re not going to be happy long-term if you’re changing yourself to be what others want. You can’t control other people’s perceptions and their judgements are really not your problem. If you want to make the extra effort to smile a bit bigger and speak with a warmer tone, great. If not, your friend is right. You have plently of people who love you for you and you have to change.

Post # 8
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@KatyElle:  +1

I think sometimes it takes someone saying something to us (and it hurting our feelings) to truly understand how we come off to other people. The people who love you know that you do not feel that you are better than others. Which means, that you don’t have to work on who you are, but instead; you need to work on letting who you truly are come out to others.

More than likely, it is not your self that is the issue, but instead, how you express yourself.

Post # 9
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Birdee106:  completely agree! Very well said

 @Treejewel19: I’ve learned that no matter what you do or say for some ppl if they dislike you, they just dislike you OH WELL. Attempting to please someone else will only last for so long, then they’ll have another problem with you. Honestly, if someone can’t accept me for who I am I don’t want them in my life. I refuse to walk on eggshells for anyone. Now, if you want to change for you, go ahead. Change for the better for yourself and no one else.

Post # 10
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Aure:  +1

I think it’s a shame she decided to delete you off of Facebook rather than approaching you first.  I really don’t think you need to change yourself for anyone whatsoever.  Learning this will help you become more conscious around other people though.  Just don’t let it ever stop you from being you.

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Treejewel19:  I think you have to look at your intent.  If you don’t have the intent to belittle people (which I 5 bazillion percent believe you do NOT), then you have to let people’s misinterpretations roll off your back.  I know it’s hurtful and I’m so sorry that your friend decided to end the relationship.  But, in the long run, she obviously wasn’t meant to be a life-long friend. 🙁

ETA:  As long as you are not engaging in negative behavior with people (making fun of them, putting them down, being malicious, etc) – I don’t see any reason you should change your behavior.

Post # 14
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Treejewel19:  re: the dressing nice example – seriously?!  I’m baffled that she mentioned this.  As long as you aren’t flaunting your purchases in front of her face, why should she CARE how you present yourself?  She should be thrilled she has a friend who takes pride in her appearance and not dressing like a hobo!  I will say – I do have a friend who LOVES big labels and seems to put self-worth in the fact she can flaunt those labels.  That’s different than my other friends who love labels because they genuinely love the product/style.  I don’t know if you are the former or latter, but there IS a difference (and the former is ridiculously annoying, IMO).

Post # 15
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Treejewel19:  Girl I could have written this exact post.  I’ve never had someone comfront me like your ex-friend did but I suspect there are people out there who have the same view of me that this girl does of you.

I too like nice things, dressing up, looking pretty, going on nice vacations, etc.  This is what I want in my life and by no means do I judge other people who don’t want the same things nor do I think I’m better than them.  However I know and have heard through grapevines that some people who don’t know me make the assumption about me that I’m stuck up just because I have nice things, carry myself with poise, have a well paying job, etc.  I find that those incorrect assumptions oftentimes come from their own insecurities and that’s not something I have control over.  Unfortunately there is nothing you or I can do to change those people’s minds short of changing who we are and I don’t think that’s the answer.  I don’t want to change myself and it doesn’t sound like you do either because you’re happy with who you are.  

I would take comfort in knowing that you are not truly stuck up and that the people who actually know you know that.  I bet the real friends in your life find you totally down to earth, empathetic, generous, etc.  And those are the only people who truly matter.  Please don’t change yourself to try to please people who obviously don’t appreciate you enough to take the time to get to know you.

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