- 5 years ago
I am really hurt right now and I’m not sure how to move on and make changes. This topic has come up a few times this past week or so with my best friend and other friends and I am beyond frustrated and confused.
Background: I was raised by an extremely negative person who desired only the best things in life and intended her children to do the same. While I love my grandmother to death I have struggled my entire adult life to change what she so lovingly instilled within me, a particular attitude. I feel that I have made leaps and bounds and I am not the same person I was, nor am I like her (in fact she drives me nuts I am so sensitive to it). However, the apple so to speak only falls so far from the tree right?
A friend from college (not close but still friends, mutual friends etc) recently deleted me from FB. She visited in May and we had lunch with another mutual (male) friend and I thought we had a good time. We don’t talk a lot but when we did via email, text, FB and the rare personal meet up (she lives out of state) we seemed to have a good time without any drama.
After a phone call and voicemail, texts and a FB message from me she finally responded. I felt that the least she could do was explain why all of a sudden she elmininated me from her life after six plus years of friendship. Her response was killer. She first was quick to point out that she had deleted me in May (right before my wedding) and this was July (not fair! I am just getting my life back together post-wedding!!!). Then she layed into me about various issues she has with me.
Here is the thing bees. I apparently come across to those that don’t know me as someone who thinks they are better than everyone else. Do I think I am better than everyone else? Absolutely NOT! Am I trying to be mean, snobby and/or bitchy, of course not…I think I try to genuinely be nice to everyone (except rude sales people…they have no pity from me). I love people and love making friends and it is hard for me to consider the fact that people think I am purposely trying to NOT be friendly.
I talked to my best friend, someone who is honest and I can trust. She said that yes I do come off that way sometimes BUT after you get to know me you realize that I am a good person, down to earth and have the same issues as everyone else and don’t think that I am a better person or superior. I love to dress up and enjoy the finer things in life but I have no trouble sweating it out, camping, getting dirty etc. Any standards that I have for whatever reason only apply to me and that I don’t expect anyone else to live by those standards nor do I judge them if they choose to live their lives differently (all her words, not mine). Again my best friend said “You don’t need her and you shouldn’t change who you are at all. Let people assume as they want because it’s only their loss. You have plenty of people that love you..”
So what does a girl do? Do I change my behavior further to be someone that other people like/want? Or do I be myself and appreciate those that can take the time to get to know me (as obviously my friends have)? What is the happy medium? Is there one?
If you are going to criticize please make it constructive please. 🙂