Weddingbee boards

Hi Hive...I had a rough night last night, and just need some positive words (other than from my FI, he's been doing great in making me feel better...it's just different from girls and guys, you know?).

So, my family and I don't get along.  My family is a little cult-ish, and I'm not trying to make light of that word or exaggerate.  They hate FI, don't want to get to know him, think I need to be out of the relationship STAT, etc.  The thing is, they have no idea what our relationship is like because they have never bothered to ask, and everytime I bring him up in conversation, I don't get a response, and if I do, it's always a negative one.

My mother and I hadn't spoken in months when we finally started speaking on Saturday about my school troubles (that's a different post).  I called her last night to wish her a happy Thanksgiving because my brothers are there with her, and I'm not.  So we were having an okay conversation, but my mom has a real knack for saying the nastiest things with a very sweet voice, and turning things around onto me.

Anyway, to make a long story short, she thinks I'm making the biggest mistake of my life (okay, I got that, thanks for the input on a relationship you know nothing about) and that if I can hold on for 10 years, I better not have kids because a divorce is harder with kids (okay, again thanks for the input).  She then went on to tell me that her wedding was "really classy, in a country club, with really expensive things" because she had my father had "more money than they knew what to do with."  (my parents have been divorced for practically my entire life - I'm 20, they divorced when I was 4 - and had a horrible divorce)

I guess what I'm so upset about is a) the fact that NONE of my family will come to my wedding because they don't approve and b) that my mother thinks that because we don't have much money we won't have a beautiful wedding.

Anyone else deal with anything similar to this?  My feelings are so hurt 

Thanks Layla.  I hope I too can feel that way when my day comes around

Thanks egb and ian.  I might try talking to her again about it..

July- it's a mix of both for why they don't like him.  When I told my mom about him, I was hesitant because of the age difference (we're ten years apart).  He was also in the military, so my mom has all sorts of negative thoughts about that.  Before she had met him, she had slandered his name to my brothers and all of our family friends, called his CO to tell him of our "inappropriate relationship" (I was legal, regardless), called the university he was applying to...(I'm not kidding about any of this).  She has openly called him a pedophile in front of my family and friends.  When they finally met, she said a ton inflamatory things to him, and expected him to not react (Would you react if your future inlaws told you you were nothing but white trash?). 

My brothers all think the same way as my mother, because it is what my mother says.  That's what I mean by cultish. 

I get so frustrated that she puts so much emphasis on money.  I know it's not about money, or even the wedding..we're getting married because we love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.  I wish I could just make her understand that, you know?

Dizzy, I can only imagine how difficult things must be for you. It sounds like the problems with your mom and the rest of your family go way back, and your relationship with your FI/upcoming marriage is only the latest (maybe most inflammatory) subject to flare up between you.

It seems that you have enough sense not to take what they say seriously. Not that it doesn't hurt, but you at least know better than to take their comments to heart. Unhappy people spread their unhappiness, the same way that happy people like to spread joy.

You are probably going to have to make the same tough decision that Layla did and decide whether it's worth allowing these people into your life if it means dealing with all of their baggage. Not pleasant, I know, but you are an adult and have the power to cut negative people out of your life.

Good luck, sweetie.

I really appreciate all of the support you ladies have given me.  It really does make me feel better about my situation, even though it does suck.  Thank you

SO and I have almost 11 years between us and met 6 days after I turned 18. The family was NOT excited. I feel for you... It's hard for people to understand that a 19 year old and a 29-almost-30 year old can have things in common and enjoy each other's company. You obviously have an amazing FI if he's putting up with all this from your family. I wish you guys the best of luck, hang in there! :)