really hurting right now – just need to vent

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How many parties does someone need before their wedding? A second bachelorette? I don’t think so.

Post # 4
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@lostafriend:  that’s terrible. I have lost a “decade long” friendships over me feeling it is one sided. To be honest, I was sad for a minute and then realized it was mostly fake or turned into fake friendships. I think your situation is a little clouded by tons of expectations in a short period of time. We typically don’t put so much pressure on friends ( except wedding year). I would cut her some slack if you want to work it out do it quick so tension, bitching with other bridesmaids etc… Doesn’t happen and then after the wedding things will be more calm maybe? She may see error of ways and be apologetic? I was heartbroken one of my BFF was nowhere to  Be found when I got engaged when I spent thousands and months of my life being there for her marriage. Some people are selfish and probably more so during their wedding year.  maybe saying ” I think you all don’t believe me when I say I cannot afford this. I would love to go and show my support- who can lend me the money?” 

Post # 5
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sheesh, I’m so sorry!  Whatever happened to the good ol’ days of being a bridesmaid?  I was one back in the 80’s and my functions included attending a bridal shower, buying and wearing my dress, and wearing a particular kind of headpiece with a particular kind of hairstyle (which, at the time I thought was super picky, but went along with it).  Being a good friend and bridal attendant should not involve compromising one’s self financially or emotionally.

Post # 6
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

She sounds super selfish. Why does she need a second bachelorette? Does she think people are made of money. Totally not a friend I would want to have either…

Post # 9
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@lostafriend:  The whole situation sucks but you did the right thing.  8 wedding events?  With two bachelorettes?  I don’t care that you had the money, it’s your money to save and spend as you see fit and the bride here was being ridiculous making so many mandatory events.  I had a bridal shower, a rehearsal dinner, and a wedding.  None of it was mandatory for anyone and I had no issues with my MOH whom wasn’t able to attend the shower or the rehearsal due to other obligations she had to her family.  She has a life too and the only day when the world revolved around me was my wedding day.  Everything else is optional.

Post # 10
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@lostafriend:  You sound like a very responsible, level-headed person and it looks like those girls just don’t get it. I don’t know how old you all are but they must be either very young or extremely sheltered and have a nice cushion to fall back on. I guess people who have that luxury often don’t understand the concerns of those who don’t. 

That being said, I think your friend the bride is being unreasonable and very unfair to you. I think backing out of the wedding is the right thing to do. You’ll know whether she was ever a true friend to you once she’s come back from her honeymoon, the wedding craze has died down and he’s had time to think things over. If she calls you, says “sorry I was such a bridezilla, please forgive me”, I think you should forgive her. If she continues to stay wrapped up in her own wedding and feelings of entitlement, you haven’t lost a friend because you never had one in the first place. Sad, but true. Weddings, like any stressful situations, show you the true face of some people, and sadly sometimes we just don’t like what we see so we have to cut our losses and move on. 

But *hugs* to you, you’re a good friend and have gone through a lot of trouble for this bride. If she can’t appreciate your efforts and your friendship, it’s her loss! 

Post # 11
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

I understand that you’re hurt and reading your first post and based on that, it seems really unfair.

However, in your last post you did say that the other girls offered to pay for it so I really don’t understand how you can say that you can’t afford to attend or that the girls did not take your financial situation into consideration since it was obviously important for them to include you, otherwise I don’t think they would ever offer to pay.

I understand that you was hurt and you needed your friend to take the time and actually listen to you but I also understand if she might think that there was no need to stress her out since there was a solution to the problem.

Its too bad that your friendship has come to an end after such a long time, and no matter what, I do hope you two will manage to overcome it one day. 

Post # 12
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why on earth are their so many wedding events.

This is how mine is going down

Dress shopping (if you consider this a wedding event), Bridal shower (my mom is throwing it not them), Bachlorette party where we will be staying in a hotel over night in a 69/night beautiful hotel, rehersal dinner, wedding….done. Some brides are absolute bridezillas

 

Post # 14
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lostafriend:  It sounds like you really tried and it is so crummy that you were expected to dish out all of that money! I also would have turned down any offer to cover my expenses but I would make sure you recognize that it was nice of them to offer. I am sorry you had to go through this but at the end of the day I feel like brides are just wrapped up in their excitement. Did you watch bridesmaids? I am sure a lot of miscommunication is going on here and that the brides head is full of bubbly air. Maybe wait it out…

Post # 16
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

You did the right thing. I’m sorry that you lost a friend, but she was definitely not treating as you as one. I wanted my friends and family at my wedding so that I could be surrounded by people whom I love. I didn’t invite them so that they could throw me parties and stop their lives for my entire engagement. 

It was a hard decision for you, I’m sure, but you have to do what’s best for you. You were absolutely justified, although I’m sure it still hurts. Maybe someday when these little girls grow up and have responsibilities like adults, they’ll understand.

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