Post # 1
I have been debating posting this but I could really use the advice and an outside unbiased opinion so give it to me straight here bees
A few days ago my sister called to inform me that she and her boyfriend (and father of my neice) are dropping out of our wedding party and would no longer attend unless I allow my 2.5 year old neice to attend as well
Background: They have left her for overnight before and this would just be during the day, they have tons of family in the area, they wont be travelling, and we are not allowing any children do to a number of complicated reasons
Their reasoning is it wont be special for them without her and she will know shes being excluded (I scoffed at a 2 year old caring but I am not a parent so maybe I dont know)
After getting over this manipulation tactic (and holding my ground) I moved on and asked one of my friends to step in as a bridesmaid. I was actually pretty happy as she was goingto be out of town and couldnt participate when I asked originially and we just found out a week ago she would be able to come after all so I figured it had all worked out.
My dad called me and offered me CASH to let my sister back into the bridal party (the bf is staying out he says) because now that I haven’t given in and she realizes her tactic failed she wants back in. I would NEVER kick my friend out so this would mean adding an additional bridesmaid. My dad offered to pay for all additional costs involved with that and extra money as well (which I find crazy)
This is about the 900th time my sister has hurt me during this and shes 30 years old so I can’t figure out why she doesn’t see how immature and selfish she is. I don’t want to let her back in but I can tell it means a lot to my dad. I am torn between allowing her back in to make my dad happy and keeping her out to keep my stress down and keep myself happy
What would you do? Am I being ridiculous in not wanting to allow her back in? Is my dad being insane by trying to bribe me? (Also my sister has not called me to ask back in or apologize, she always does all of her biding through my dad so she never has to be an adult and apologize)
Post # 3
@excitedtobeMRSF: no way. she threw a fit and didn’t respect your wishes and now that her attempt to strong arm you into doing things her way has failed she wants back in? no way. absolutely not. I would smply say that it’s her own doing that she is no longer in the party. She is always welcome as a guest and leave it at that.
Post # 4
I would allow your sister back in and allow the niece to attend. I’d also keep the other bridesmaid in the party as well.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I would NOT let her back in, because she needs to learn that her actions have consequences. If she gets back in she’s learning that she can treat you like crap but suffer 0 consequences. Your father could just be tired of hearing your sister b*tch and is doing whatever he thinks he can to mitigate the issue between you two. I see that he is her enabler – how sad.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
I would tell your dad that you are willing to hear from your sister and discuss it. Honestly, if it were me, I’d let her back in because she’s my sister and family is #1. Obviously, she’s not acting like family is #1, but don’t go to her level.
If she does call you then I would just explain to her that you really don’t want a lot of drama involved in your wedding, and that you would love to have her back in the BP, but that you really want it just to be an enjoyable time. Don’t attack her or accuse her of being a drama queen (even though she is) because it will probably just make things worse.
Post # 7
@excitedtobeMRSF: Does your sister even want back in? Or is this your dad trying to save face (and not want it seem odd for appearances at the wedding (that your sister isn’t in the wedding party).
Post # 8
@excitedtobeMRSF: I would tell dad I might make her a reader but wouldn’t be doing anything until she apologized. Then if she gets out if line even once more that’s it.
Post # 9
I would let her in – it’s your sister!! I’d be pretty upset if my sisters didn’t want my children at their wedding! I totally get childfree weddings and would have no issue leaving my kids home for a friend or other family member’s wedding, but a sibling?! That’s totally different so I don’t blame your sister for being upset. Are you close with your neice? I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want her there to begin with. We had a childfree wedding, but my 2 year old nephew was there. Both his parents were in the bridal party, as was he. His baby sitter came along to the wedding and helped take care of him, took him out of the ceremony once he walked (or should I say cried) down the aisle (it was adorable!) He was a dancing machine and partied all night with us! It was a blast and he isn’t the most well behaved child out there. I gues it all depends how important family is to you. For me, family is everything and so I feel sometimes we have to let things go when they’re wrong and move forward.
Post # 10
@oracle: According to my dad my sister really wants back in but she hasnt tried to contact me at all so I am not actually sure. My dad and his one sister didn’t speak for years and I wonder if he is projecting and worrying we will end up like him and my aunt
Post # 11
Am I being ridiculous in not wanting to allow her back in?
Well, if this was me there’s no way I’d let my sister back in because my dad offered me cash.
Is my dad being insane by trying to bribe me?
Absolutely, you should probably tell him that this isn’t about money and you don’t want to discuss it with him. If she wants to make amends she can call and discuss it with you as an adult.
Post # 12
I would wait to hear from your sister. If she’s not mature enough to call and ask to be back in, she isn’t mature enough to be part of the bridal party. The ball is in her court, but you have the power.
What I’m assuming will happen is she will call, you guys will get in a fight over the phone, and she will end up not wanting back in anyhow.
Post # 13
In all honestly I would be very sad and hurt if my sister didn’t want my child, her niece at the wedding. I can understand not wanting all children at a wedding but I couldn’t think about not including SOs niece as our flower girl, she’s family!!!
Post # 14
@MrsWBS: + 1
I am worried that you may regret not allowing your sister back in to the wedding sometime down the road. I understand that she has been difficult and I am in total agreement that she could have gone about this a better way. However it is your sister and it is your neice. I was so thrilled to have my nephew at my wedding. Some of my favorite pictures are the ones of him and I. I know that everyone is different but it’s always worth working it out when it comes to family. I also think maybe you need to be hearing this from her and not your dad. I can understand why you would be getting mixed messages. I hope it works out for the better. Fighting with family is never fun.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I see your sister’s original perspective that your neice is immediate family and should be allowed. That said, she played her trump card and lost. Now she gets to deal with the fallout from taking her stand and not getting her way. I would humor my parent by inviting my sister to be a reader or taking a similar role in the ceremony. But for my own sanity, I would avoid having her in my bridal party and allowing her to create more drama in the future.
Post # 16
My career was working with 2 year olds. She doesn’t care about your wedding. At absolute most, she might be excited to see a pretty dress! …For about 15 seconds.
I wouldn’t let her back in, unless your Dad’s financial assistance plan is significant. Like if he’s offering 5K for her to join it again. Then I would.