- Miss Chapstick
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
I need the hive’s always insightful opinions!
Here’s the sitch, as nut-shelly as can be:
– My husband and I have two very good friends who got engaged last year. Shortly after, two of the bride’s best friends (MOH and BM) planned a surprise weekend to take the bride dress shopping. The bride lives in Chicago, and the friends live ten hours away by car. They contacted the fiance to make this happen, and I was given the role of “decoy” for the surprise day. It was meant to be a dress shopping day, and then they were going to take the bride and groom out to dinner for an intimate engagement party type thing to celebrate.
– The bride has of late become very upset that her far-away family doesn’t seem interested in the wedding. She feels hurt and overwhelmed and emotional and finally guilts her mom and cousins to come to Chicago to go dress shopping … get this … the same weekend her friends were going to surprise her. Previously, five people were going shopping, and now suddenly it’s ten. To make things more complicated, the mom and cousins don’t even want to come, and they knew about the surprise.
– The friends decide to back out because it’s just too much for one weekend. They were really mature about it actually and said they would plan to come another weekend and possibly throw the bride a shower when they came. The friends are just starting out and don’t have a lot of money or time off, so they wanted to come on a weekend where they weren’t going to spend a lot of money and take one of their very few days off to share the bride’s time with her mom and cousins. They felt like intruders on a family weekend.
– Groom finds out and he’s furious, saying the friends ruined the perfect weekend. The bride doesn’t get to see her family that much, and this is exactly what she wanted. He blames the friends.
– Oh, it gets better. The bride FINDS OUT about the friend’s plan for a surprise visit somehow and wants them to come anyway, saying it’s no big deal that so many people will be there that weekend. The friends apologetically say that they simply could barely afford the trip as it was originally, and then to share it with five other people isn’t worth it to them, and that they would rather come on a weekend where they can actually spend time with her one day, and throw her a shower another day. They say they can only afford one trip to Chicago.
– The friends offer to take her dress shopping in her hometown (where the bride is now) and take her out to lunch and everything. The bride agrees, but later tells her FI that she doesn’t want to go and he’s mad at her friends for ruining the fun weekend in Chicago.
– The groom is mad at the friends, saying that they’re being really selfish and not thinking of the bride at all. Both claim the friends ruined the weekend, and no one is happy. In the groom’s words, “The bride had everything she wanted [meaning, her family] for one weekend, and then they [the friends] went and took it all away!”
So, I really want the hive’s honest opinion. Are the friends at fault? Granted, the bride should never have found out about this to begin with, but what’s done is done. Do I need a wake-up call in thinking there’s not too much wrong with what’s going on? It’s more just an unfortunate situation where no one’s at fault (except the person who let the whole surprise slip). I just feel like the bride and groom are WAY over-reacting and they have too many expectations for those picture-perfect wedding planning moments where all friends and family are around helping out all the time. Should the friends have just sucked it up when the bride found out and gone anyway?