Post # 1
So my mother in law has a habit of overstepping bounds and going against what you ask no matter how many times you tell her no. At my bridal shower I have an entire table of 8 people I did know and actually had someone walk past me going “so who’s the bride?”.
It was a nice day but uncomfortable as I had 35 people at my bridal shower which is way to big considering neither DH and I had that much family.
MIL likes to think the guestlist for our events should revolve around her people. This is her 2nd and 3rd cousins she rarely sees but she insists on inviting. These are the same people who came to the bridal shower and wedding and couldn’t pick DH and I out of the room.
Well I am pregnant with the first grandchild and my sister in law (other daughter in law to MIL) said she would throw my shower. I gave her the guestlist as she requested and its 12 people just from DH side (my other sister in law married to my brother is throwing one for my familys side). Well MIL asked SIL what the guestlist was and she told her and told her I gave it to her and said I wanted a smaller and more intimate shower. MIL goes “well she is forgetting about 8 people (all the relatives neither DH nor I can put a face too even though they came to our wedding). SIL goes “well this is what missjewels wants and provided me with and this is all that will fit in my living room”. MIL had the nerve to then say to her “well we will invite these other people and just not tell her”.
God bless my SIL cause she said in a firm voice “no, this is what I was given, this is what I will do, I am the host if you wish to help I need some help with decor and a food tray”.
I know this is not the last of if as it wasn’t during the wedding process…its just I don’t get where she gets off being liuke “lets invite opeople and not tell her”. How fun for me! The pregnant guest of honor! I just find it unbelievably selfish.
Post # 2
You girls stick together! Fortunately, I can’t relate, bcs my FMIL is a very lovely, unassuming, polite woman who doesn’t overstep.
I’m humorously imagining her towing these eight people into the hospital to visit you hours after you give birth. Get ready to set some visitor boundaries when that moment comes!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Has your FI never mentioned how inconsiderate this is to her?
(Good on your SIL!!! SHe must have balls!)
Post # 4
prahajess: My DH, bless his heart, constantly parks her. What will happen next is she will ask me when he is not arounf (as I am more polite in my response). He told me to say one sec and go get him and he will tell her big fat “no”. He said you have to be forcefully blunt 2-3 times for her to get it and its true. She tries different people and different angles..its like a child!
Post # 5
coffeedrinker: she has volunteered herself to sit in the waiting room. Our birth plan is “text when I go to hospital (this may change depending on how she behaves”, text when born; text when ready for visitors”…our hospital has very strict limitations on getting onto the maternity floor so if she does show up to the hospital she can’t just get into the room, we have to get a nurse to go get her and she will then be the last one in after everyone else if she goes against this.
Post # 6
Sounds like you have a great SIL! I’m glad she stood up for you.
And on another topic, if your MIL is that pushy I would strongly consider waiting to tell her until after the baby has arrived. She sounds like she would easily be the type to strong arm her way in earlier than you’d like.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
I can relate because my wedding was turning into that. FMIL was secretly inviting ppl and FI and I weren’t supposed to know, despite us paying for EVERY PENNY. Our solution? Cancel the wedding and were eloping. FMIL isn’t speaking to us now 🙂
good for your SIL for sticking up for what you want. Sometimes you have to just stick to your guns and wait for her temper tantrums to subside!
Post # 8
Strawberryshmoo: We seriously considered this but at the end we just went with it and learned out lesson…my poor brother in law (DH brother) just got his PHD and she wanted to throw him a aprty. He had a list of ten people, close family and friends…she invited 40…people again we barely know. He actually took her head off and he is very mama’s boy but she justs aid “sorry invites are out”.
I told SIL do not let her do the invites or anywhere near them as I fear the same thing!
Post # 9
Part of me is sympathetic to these MIL situations (but ONLY when MIL is paying!) because come on, they just want to host a big party and to show you off/see all their friends and fam. How did it hurt you for a distant fam member to come to the bridal shower and not know right off that you are the bride? Didn’t you then introduce yourself and thus benefit from meeting a new fam member? And now that you know the people from the wedding shower, can they not be welcome at the baby shower? I understand wanting an intimate party sometimes, but these big-deal type of family events, babies, weddings, are how extended families keep in touch.
It is your wedding and your baby, so you have the right to make it all about you if you choose. But sometimes it’s nicer and more generous to let it be about other people as well, like MIL and extended family.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
My FMIL does the same crazy thing re: invites – she literally sent me a list of almost 140 people I “had” to invite to our 115 person (TOTAL) wedding!! She’s been incredibly passive-aggressive and bent out of shape ever since. I’m sorry she’s making your life so difficult! Just make sure your FI is supporting you and acting as a go-between – he should be the #1 wrangler for in-law issues. Good luck with everything!
Post # 11
OMG that sucks. I would suggest to start learning to say no to her though as I would suspect it will only get worse after your baby is born. Especially since it’s the first.
My SO’s mom has been like that in the past (not to your MIL’s degree). But for instance when I was pregnant with my oldest they (his mom, sister and aunt) were trying to pressure my SO to “open the book” to name him (Hindu religion/tradition) and as my SO wasn’t really into his family’s religious traditions, plus I’m French/Irish with no religion, and we had picked out a name for our first born about 5 yrs before we even got pregnant, he said no. As soon as he left the room they turned to me and started asking me if I would want to do it. And told them all that it’s his family’s tradition and if he doesn’t want to do it I’m not going to pressure him into it. And try backed off after that (thankfully cuz I wasn’t really into The process as it had been explained to me as best as my SO could explain it).
But you will have many many more instances of her pushing her will on you with the new baby. Practice puting your foot down for smaller things with your MIL and then work up to the bigger things that will more than likely pop up after baby comes and you are tired and stressed with the new baby.
Post # 12
missjewels: I just don’t understand this either and I too would be super annoyed. One of my biggest pet peeves is having to make small talk with people I barely know, especially when that comes at the cost of time I could have spent with people I know we’ll and truly care about!! I love that your SIL stuck to her guns.
What I ALSO DON’T understand though is why all these people want to attend events celebrating the milestones of someone they barely know. Attend baby shower, buy gift and sit around talking baby with strangers?? No thanks! I’ll never get it.
If people want an excuse to host a party for all THEIR friends, then host one. Don’t hijack an event that should be about the guest of honor who may not feel like spending that event with a bunch of strangers.
Post # 13
I’m first taking from this how awesome your SIL is! Seriously, go her.
As for your MIL that’s rough. I just think there are times where the husband needs to step in. That’s too much. “We’ll just not tell her” makes my blood boil. As if you wouldn’t notice on the day?!