Really jealous of my husband's colleague

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe meet up with them after work for a drink?  If I were you it’d helP. sometimes we don’t meet someone and it all gets bigger in our head, but in reality it’s nothing. If she’s an unattractive, single person she may be looking for attention From any man. I say buy her a drink and let her see what a cool chick your man comes home to every night. But I don’t think you have a thing to worry about. 

Post # 3
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Rosewater Room

If he’s been totally up front and honest with you when you brought it to his attention, and his response was clearly that you have nothing to worry about, then I’d trust him and try to let it go. It does sound like you’re hung up on her relationship with your hubby and since they work together in close quarters, you can’t really stop the social relationship from happening. However, he’s being pretty good about setting some clear boundaries with her by not responding to texts, responding professionally, etc. 

EDubbs said it best – “sometimes we don’t meet someone and it all gets bigger in our head, but in reality its nothing” <– bang on. I do this ALL the time and its ridiculous, especially when I actually look at the situation from the outside and I’ve been making a big fuss all for nothing. It may be best for you to meet so you can relax a bit. You may find that you actually like her, if she’s that much like you. Or not 😛

Post # 4
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

Every now and then my FI will receive a call or text from a female coworker and it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s usually about work, and FI doesn’t like talking about work when he’s home, anyway. I honestly think she might have an innocent crush on him. I’m not worried about it because my FI handles it well and has never given me a reason to feel insecure.

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

amanda3334455:  it might help too if you just think of her as another human being at work that is nice to him and is helpful. plus, if she’s like that towards him–as in naturally just friendly bubbly outgoing–she’s probably like that to everyone. isn’t it better that he has a good work crew than some team of bitches and dickheads that make his day miserable?

and if it makes you feel better, i put smiley faces in my emails when i send them to just about anyone (if it’s something light), and that includes my boss who owns the company. he responds with them. sometimes we speak in internet memes. we’re weird people. lol. but i don’t think he for one second would ever confuse my smiley face at the end of an email to mean “omg please let me homewreck you.” haha

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

my husband has a female whose been fawning all over him for about 5 or so years now. At first it really bothered me to the point I was obsessive. After a while though i realized she has an extremely bad track record with men. I feel sorry for her now. I know there are some snakey women out there that honestly just don’t care if a man is married or not, but some women just have bad luck when it comes to men. When they meet someone whose got their life together it makes them desirable. I wouldn’t stress it too much.

Post # 8
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Couple of things, just so you feel better, I probabbly would be jealous too if there was texting going on and if she sounded a lot like me! 

That said, even if you work on letting it go for your own sake, you must immediately stop talking to him about it! He hasn’t done anything to cause it, he probably hadn’t even noticed that the interactions were anything different to those he has with other male co-workers. What you said about self-fulfilling prophecies is right on! He married you because he loves you, thinks you are beautiful and overall awesome. If this awesome woman he adores is jealous of this friend or threatened by her, he may just start noticing that she is actually special for bringing cake to work, or smarter than the previous person that sat next to him, or whatever… so don’t make a big deal about it and keep it to yourself or share it with us. That is, of course, unless something else happens that deserves you bringing it up.

I also think that meeting her will probably her but don’t try too hard. For instance, don’t randomly show up at his place of work if you never have done that before. That’d just be plain awkward and he may think you are crazy. My FI and I have never been to our offices because of the nature of our work so that’d be out of the question. 

Good luck and just calm down, your thoughts are normal but I honestly think you have nothing to worry about. 

Post # 9
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

I have the same problem, there is a woman at my DH work whom he talks to alot. The woman is married, but also shares her personal problems with DH and aks for his advice. I just dont like that and it bothers me. But I did mention to him to at is not wise to advice a married woman on issues regarding her husband.

Anyway, let it go, I dont know what to say

Post # 10
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

amanda3334455:  I talk my husband’s ear off about all the people on my team, male and female – it’s cause I spend 9-10 hours a day with them in a relatively small space.

I invite my husband to work happy hours though, so he generally knows everyone I talk about. That might be the key with you and this girl – does your husband’s team at work ever have happy hour outings?

Post # 12
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

MrsHalpert:  exactly!

OP: Just because someone is friendly to your husband does not mean she wants to get it from him. She’s more than likely the same way to everyone – it doesn’t mean there’s a crush, that she wants to ruin your life, anything. Haha, she sounds like me, honestly.  I also talk about my coworkers all the time to my fiance – you’re with someone 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Your coworkers are a large part of your life. I would feel weird not talking about work/coworkers with my fiance, and I would feel weird if he didn’t do the same with me.

Your fiance is with you. Work on your jealousy issues. They’re all internal. There’s nothing this woman is doing to you, so don’t make her out to be a bad person because of stuff that is in your head. Honestly, if it’s so bad that you feel threatened by her being friendly, I would talk to a counselor or therapist or something.

Post # 13
Member
1990 posts
Buzzing bee

Would you feel the same way if it were a man? No. Women and men can have perfectly platonic, professional relationships. I get along really well with a lot of men, being friendly doesn’t at all mean I’m making a pass at them. I’m just getting through my day and engaging with my coworkers – if I spend so much of my time with them, I might as well be friendly.

Your husband has come across a lot of women in his life, and will continue to do so, and he’s chosen you. Let him have a friend at work.

Post # 15
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Jealousy is the worst.  It works in the exact opposite way that you want it to you. You want it to show how much you love your man but I find it pushes people away (in my life anyway)

 

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