really let down and hurt need advice

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@littlemumma:  Sorry but I could never trust a cheater. On top of that, he has continually lied about other things – he lied about getting engaged before the baby was born, and he lied about getting engaged by Christmas.

I would dump his lying, cheating ass; and make sure he pays child support. (((Hugs))) to you and your precious baby, you both deserve someone better than him.

Post # 4
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@paula1248:  +1

Leave now, make sure he fulfills his responsibilities as a father but otherwise have nothing to do with him.

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well, this is all sorts of messed up.
First off, even though your awful ex is now engaged that doesn’t sound like anything to be jealous of since you are much better off not being engaged to someone who treats you terrible.
Secondly, I am so sorry that this second man lied to you. It is absolutely awful that your BF cheated on you and may have given you an STD!! I think I would be talking to doctors and counslers at this point. I find it very suspicious that everytime you possibly think about leaving he says he is going to marry you, but once you seem hooked he doesn’t bother proposing. I really hate to say it, but it doesn’t sound like he deserves you. I would expect A LOT from him at this point to win you back. You are the mother of his child and he should be begging to marry you. I am sorry that he tricked you into thinking that he would marry you when you had his child. That is awful. I think if you two stay together you not only need a proposal, but some couples counseling as well.
Do you think he is saving for the ring, but didn’t have enough yet? Or planning something that takes time? I certainly hope so. I’d really like to know his excuse. If he wanted to be with you he should have proposed before you got pregnant in my opinion.

 

Post # 6
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@littlemumma:  Hi

I haven’t been in your situation so please take my advice with as big of a pinch of salt as you see fit. I would be doing some careful thinking right about now… A. Do you want to remain with him – the issue of having a child and getting married aside, do you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Forget everyone else’s position and consider only you…

B. Do you wish him topropose because he wants to or because you pushed him to? If the answer to question A is you do want to be with him, then I do not think that trying to force him to propose is going to be the most constructive as you will always wonder if he wanted to…

And if you do not wish to spend the rest of your life with him, leave regardless of everyone elses position in their relationships. Your child has the right to know their father though and if possible staying on friendly terms with him would help. If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you guys need to have a serious chat about your future and what you want from it. Children are expensive so depending on your financial position, a great ring and a big wedding may need to be put on hold for a while especially if you are wanting to buy a house… But that is all something you guys need to chat about, you need to get your priorities in line with each other and if you can’t, it is possible that you may find yourself unhappy as time goes on because one of you isn’t getting what they feel as important being a priority…. I sincerely hope this works out for you guys, maybe consider couples counselling to help with him “proving” to you that he is sincere about making this work rather than him feeling he has to spend lots of money on ring…

That’s my two cents worth… Hope you don’t take offense to any of it, as I said I haven’t been in your position so my advice may not feel relevant.

Post # 7
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Firstly once a cheat always a cheat and secondly, marriage is not something you should rush into, just because everyone else in your small town who had a baby is engaged or married is not a good enough reason, you should want to be married  because you are mutually head over heels in love and want to spend the rest of your life with that person (if he felt that for you he would not have cheated), I don’t see how having a ring on your finger means that he can be forgiven for cheating and giving you an STD.  I would be showing him the door, you and your little bub deserve so much better.  Yes a big sparkly diamond ring would be lovely, but I would prefer having a partner I know is going to be 100% faithful to me over a ring any day. You are only setting yourself up to be disappointed IMO.

Post # 8
Member
4918 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you can do much better for yourself & your baby than this lying cheat.

If you really want to stay with him, counseling ought to be a must, for the sake of your child as well as your relationship.

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