really let down and hurt need advice

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@littlemumma:  Jesus forget being upset about no proposal. You should not be marrying hm at all. 

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Your reaction to him telling you he cheated should definitely not have been ‘marry me!’

Honestly, if I were you I would have thrown his cheating ass out. I don’t think he really wants to marry you, judging by his ‘I’ll do what I want’ attitude. He went from ‘We’ll be engaged before our child is born’ to ‘I’ll propose whenever I feel like it’. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn’t. He doesn’t sound super financially responsible either, given that he couldn’t save enough for a ring. 

Post # 5
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

He seriously doesn’t have it together.  You’ve waited long enough and deserve better. Even if (and that’s a big if judging by the way he’s acted) he does ‘put a ring on it’, I hate to say that if he’s a cheater a ring on your finger won’t stop him.  An e-ring is not a magic ring (unfortunately).  Don’t try to make your relationship fit other people’s relationship, you deserve way better than he has to offer.

 

Post # 6
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am not in the “Once a cheater always a cheater” camp, but I don’t think this man is dedicated to marrying you. A person who wants to marry the person they’re with wouldn’t cheat on them.

Post # 8
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The chase is over– this probably won’t end well. Do you really want someone like this to be your husband? You have to push him to want to marry you after he cheated. Honey, I’m sorry, but the first time he looked at another woman is when he decided not to marry you. And if he does marry you someday, nothing will change. He will be doing it to essentially shut you up about it.

Now, that being said- it COULD change, but ONLY if HE wants it to. He has to make a decision to stay and be faithful. Him just telling you that isn’t going to make it so. If you both want to work on it and make something last, I would suggest counseling. If he’s not open to it, you should probably leave. You can’t change him.

Good luck. Take care of you and that baby.

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

To be honest, you need to forget about what every other couple in town who’ve had a child this year have done. Getting engaged is all fine and dandy but not for its own sake and, quite frankly, your bf doesn’t show any sign of wanting to settle down and marry you.

If he was prepared to cheat on you while you were pregnant – and risk giving you an STD during that pregnancy – then I question why on earth you are considering marriage to him! Let alone assuming that marriage will right any previous wrongs.

Right now I think you could both benefit from counselling since you are clearly not on the same page so far as commitment is concerned. If he won’t consider this then I should be giving serious consideration to kicking his sorry, unfaithful ass clear out of the door.

Post # 10
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@littlemumma:  While I do believe that people can change, and I’m not totally in the camp of no forgiveness for cheating, I don’t think that he’s the right person for you to be marrying.  He’s obviously not committed.  If a guy is truly serious about being with you, the mother of his child, he will do whatever it takes to be with you and make you happy.  This does not include cheating on you, stringing you along, lieing to you about when/if he will propose, pretending he would propose when you get pregnant, etc etc.  He’s just pretty obviously not that committed to actually being with you.

Also, I think it would be totally fair of you to show this thread to him and show him how many unbiased outsiders think you should leave him.  If you seriously want to be with him (for whatever reason) it could get him to get his act together.

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

@littlemumma:  I agree with everyone above.

 

You are entering into a marriage with this guy for all the wrong reasons.

Just pause and think for a moment- would you be marrying him if you lived in a big town where no one paid attention to the details of the lives of others so they wouldn’t gossip about you, and no one else your age was engaged that you know of and you hadn’t had his baby?

Post # 12
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@littlemumma:  Marriage isn’t the ultimate way of showing you it’ll be forever. Not cheating and possibly giving you and STD would’ve been the ultimate way.

Post # 13
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@littlemumma:  Why on earth would you agree to have a child with a man who has no commitment to you? Did it occur to you that doing so puts you right where he wants you? You have a child with him, you want to keep things together for the sake of your child and not having to be on your own with a child….he can string you along as long as he pleases.

Leave him. He’s a liar and a cheater. Any man with an ounce of character would have proposed and NOT cheated.

Also, don’t have any more kids with anyone unless and until you’re married.

Post # 14
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  This.  +1000000000000011

 

@renwoman:  “I hate to say that if he’s a cheater a ring on your finger won’t stop him.  An e-ring is not a magic ring (unfortunately). “

Also, a wedding ring is not a magic ring.

@littlemumma: It doesn’t matter if you get engaged or married, that simple act will not stop him from cheating again, or being unfaithful, nor will it make him love you forever and ever. I would drop this guy like he was hot stinky fish, and move on with your baby.  He clearly has no intention of ever getting married to you and is just striiiinging you along.  He has promised you a ring HOW many times now and still hasn’t followed through??  There is your answer.     If you still want a future of some sort with him (long-term relationship) I would at least go into couples counseling.   

  

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