Post # 1
Hi everyone I am new to this site I stumbled on it at reading someone’s else’s post asking for advice on getting engaged. My situation in similar so thought I would try it out. It’s hard to even talk to my friends about this because I live in a small town and I’m just blatantly embarrassed about my situation. I’ve known my boyfriend for years as both of us have lived in this same small town for a long time. We’ve known each others ex’s as well. My bf. Chased me for years but I was in a committed relationship and am not the cheater type. After my ex and I split on very bad terms ( he promised me a wedding a house having kids everything but cheated on me and basically appeased me for years until I left) this ex did some soul searching and need for me back but I had given in to my now bf. Constant trying to get me to be his and broke my ex’s heart a little but I have to say it felt good because he was horrible to me. Anyways my now bf and I had the most amazing relationship I have ever had in my life and he had bin talking about marriage since the beginning.last October we talked about starting to try for a baby and I made it clear I wanted to at last be engaged before our chil was born he seemed to agree and made his usual promises. I got pregnant the day we started trying 🙂 two weeks before my due date all of his family was staying with us and he confessed he had cheated on me and possibly given me an std. I was beyond hurt.I cried until the day our son was born in July. My bf. Promised me he would do anything to make it right and I said marriage would be the ultimateway of showing me it’s me and only me forever. He said he would propose at Christmas and a month ago showed me the ring he was thinking. I told him it didn’t have to be so expensive as we were trying to save for a house also. Well he didn’t save enough for either and he said I pushed to hard and he will do things as he chooses and purpose when he is ready. I just don’t feel like I can wait. Everyone one else in our small town who had a baby last year had gotten engaged but us. Even my ex found someone new who is also a friend of mine and proposed to her. Yesterday. Has anyone bin through anything like this? I’m embarrassed to be asking him to propose to me and to be with him. I love him. So much I can’t let go of what we had and now we have a child. Should I keep persisting he follow through? I’m just so confused. I’m really happy for everyone who has gotten engaged though!! Congrats lady’s !!!
Post # 3
@littlemumma: Jesus forget being upset about no proposal. You should not be marrying hm at all.
Post # 4
Your reaction to him telling you he cheated should definitely not have been ‘marry me!’
Honestly, if I were you I would have thrown his cheating ass out. I don’t think he really wants to marry you, judging by his ‘I’ll do what I want’ attitude. He went from ‘We’ll be engaged before our child is born’ to ‘I’ll propose whenever I feel like it’. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn’t. He doesn’t sound super financially responsible either, given that he couldn’t save enough for a ring.
Post # 5
He seriously doesn’t have it together. You’ve waited long enough and deserve better. Even if (and that’s a big if judging by the way he’s acted) he does ‘put a ring on it’, I hate to say that if he’s a cheater a ring on your finger won’t stop him. An e-ring is not a magic ring (unfortunately). Don’t try to make your relationship fit other people’s relationship, you deserve way better than he has to offer.
Post # 6
I am not in the “Once a cheater always a cheater” camp, but I don’t think this man is dedicated to marrying you. A person who wants to marry the person they’re with wouldn’t cheat on them.
Post # 8
The chase is over– this probably won’t end well. Do you really want someone like this to be your husband? You have to push him to want to marry you after he cheated. Honey, I’m sorry, but the first time he looked at another woman is when he decided not to marry you. And if he does marry you someday, nothing will change. He will be doing it to essentially shut you up about it.
Now, that being said- it COULD change, but ONLY if HE wants it to. He has to make a decision to stay and be faithful. Him just telling you that isn’t going to make it so. If you both want to work on it and make something last, I would suggest counseling. If he’s not open to it, you should probably leave. You can’t change him.
Good luck. Take care of you and that baby.
Post # 9
To be honest, you need to forget about what every other couple in town who’ve had a child this year have done. Getting engaged is all fine and dandy but not for its own sake and, quite frankly, your bf doesn’t show any sign of wanting to settle down and marry you.
If he was prepared to cheat on you while you were pregnant – and risk giving you an STD during that pregnancy – then I question why on earth you are considering marriage to him! Let alone assuming that marriage will right any previous wrongs.
Right now I think you could both benefit from counselling since you are clearly not on the same page so far as commitment is concerned. If he won’t consider this then I should be giving serious consideration to kicking his sorry, unfaithful ass clear out of the door.
Post # 10
@littlemumma: While I do believe that people can change, and I’m not totally in the camp of no forgiveness for cheating, I don’t think that he’s the right person for you to be marrying. He’s obviously not committed. If a guy is truly serious about being with you, the mother of his child, he will do whatever it takes to be with you and make you happy. This does not include cheating on you, stringing you along, lieing to you about when/if he will propose, pretending he would propose when you get pregnant, etc etc. He’s just pretty obviously not that committed to actually being with you.
Also, I think it would be totally fair of you to show this thread to him and show him how many unbiased outsiders think you should leave him. If you seriously want to be with him (for whatever reason) it could get him to get his act together.
Post # 11
@littlemumma: I agree with everyone above.
You are entering into a marriage with this guy for all the wrong reasons.
Just pause and think for a moment- would you be marrying him if you lived in a big town where no one paid attention to the details of the lives of others so they wouldn’t gossip about you, and no one else your age was engaged that you know of and you hadn’t had his baby?
Post # 12
@littlemumma: Marriage isn’t the ultimate way of showing you it’ll be forever. Not cheating and possibly giving you and STD would’ve been the ultimate way.
Post # 13
@littlemumma: Why on earth would you agree to have a child with a man who has no commitment to you? Did it occur to you that doing so puts you right where he wants you? You have a child with him, you want to keep things together for the sake of your child and not having to be on your own with a child….he can string you along as long as he pleases.
Leave him. He’s a liar and a cheater. Any man with an ounce of character would have proposed and NOT cheated.
Also, don’t have any more kids with anyone unless and until you’re married.
Post # 14
@Lovemelovemyhorses: This. +1000000000000011
@renwoman: “I hate to say that if he’s a cheater a ring on your finger won’t stop him. An e-ring is not a magic ring (unfortunately). “
Also, a wedding ring is not a magic ring.
@littlemumma: It doesn’t matter if you get engaged or married, that simple act will not stop him from cheating again, or being unfaithful, nor will it make him love you forever and ever. I would drop this guy like he was hot stinky fish, and move on with your baby. He clearly has no intention of ever getting married to you and is just striiiinging you along. He has promised you a ring HOW many times now and still hasn’t followed through?? There is your answer. If you still want a future of some sort with him (long-term relationship) I would at least go into couples counseling.