Post # 1
So I can’t decide what to do about my last name once I’m married. I love my last name, and my fiance kind of likes the tradition of the woman taking the man’s last name. He said he would understand it if I kept mine. I suggested hyphenating and he likes that idea. I would hyphenate, he would hyphenate, and our future kids would have a hyphenated last name. The only problem is my last name has ten letters and his has ten letters… ie) Vanderbaan-Friapowski. (those are similar to our names but slightly changed.) Is that too long? Which name should go first? Vanderbaan-Friapowski or Friapowski-Vanderbaan?
Post # 2
No, I don’t think that’s too long at all.
I’m not sure which one of those options in the poll is your name first and his name last, so I won’t vote, but that’s what I think is the best option. The name sounds good no matter which is first or last, so I’m not considering that much.
Post # 3
Gosh, I thought my hyphanated last name was long – 9+8 letters! The only annoyances are – both the last names are always pronouced wrong, so I have to constantly correct people. It’s hard to fill in those stupid boxes when they ask for your last name.
I like the Vanderbaan-Friapowski combo better.
Post # 4
titianjenn: I have a REALLY long hyphenated last name. It’s my dad’s full last name. I love it because I’m the only person in the world with my full name! It’s unique 🙂 You might really love having such a unique history to your name, and if you choose to have kids, they might feel the same way!
Post # 5
Rhopalocera: mine is the “v” last name 🙂
Post # 6
My maiden name is Harveaux-Lundeen.
My advice – don’t do it. I’ve endured the long hypenated name for the past 28 years and its been the biggest pain! I can’t tell you all the problems, misfiles, and loads of other issues I’ve dealt with. As a kid I had even bigger issues with school paperwork, those boxes on standarized tests, people assuming my parents are divorced, and a host of other problems. As a kid who grew up hypenated — I don’t wish it upon my worst enemy!
Post # 7
Just wanted to say that I’ve had a hyphenated name for two years, and I love it. Hyphenated names get a lot of hate around here, but I’ve had no trouble at all. I generally use one name professionally and one name socially and it’s been the best of both worlds.
Post # 8
That name probably can’t fit on a credit card. Or a health insrance card. As someoe with a hyphenated name that really regrets it (doctors and insurance companies usually either add a space or put no space, as their systems can’t handle hyphens – I’ve had prescriptions cancelled or rejected, insurance forms rejected, etc because “the names don’t match” – ie the Dr had a space but the insurance company didn’t. Practice spelling that sucker out multiple times a day over the phone like you would have to when calling a customer service line. It’s not fun. Just pick the easier name and stick with that. Hyphenating isn’t worth it when you spend a lot of time explaining the spelling to people with blank faces.
Post # 9
I am an advocate of the “First Maidenasnewmiddle Hislast” name change. That way, you can use your maiden name anywhere and everywhere you want to maintain continuity of your identy. However, you also can use just your fist name, middle initial, and new last name when you want or need to do so.
Post # 10
titianjenn: I say go for it and hypenate it. Keep both heritages alive. It’s unique and that’s what we need more of in this world!
My last name is very long and I enjoy having a unique name. Yes, people have had trouble pronouncing at the doctor’s office, yes, it gets misspelled (and I find the butchered versions ever so amusing), but it’s also started conversations, made strangers smile if they say it right on the first try, and so on.
I love having something stay a part of me even after I get married. I won’t be changing it. I want my future child to have it too.
Post # 11
Before you give it to kids, live with the hyphenated name for a few years before you give it to them for life. My hyphenated last name is long and weird and not American, and it is a constant source of frustration in my life. Spend a few years signing that name every single day, spelling it out multiple times on the phone to make a doctor’s appointment, dropping letters when filling out a form with limited blank spaces. trying to remember whose computer systems do and don’t allow a hyphen and whether you entered your last name as Last Name Last Name or lastnamelastname.
I spent 45 minutes on the phone a few weeks ago spelling my name over and over again because the doctor’s office computer doesn’t take hyphens, so the person who booked my appt decided to put my first last name as my middle name and my second as my last name so then they couldn’t freaking find me in the computer.
I think hyphenating your kids’ name is a selfish thing to do – what happens when they ger married? What if they want to hyphenate? They can’t. You essentially are refusing them the choice that you preferred for yourself. They will have to choose to keep theirs or share one with their spouse, and either way they will have to make a different choice than what you made (which they will feel is normal since their parents did it). But I guess this may be a moot point because I’m sure I’d be clamoring to change my name completely and probably couldn’t wait to get a new name.
Post # 12
titianjenn: Gotta admit, I am not a fan of hyphenated names… I prefer the way @brielle suggested; <br /><br />@208bride: That’s the exact reason that in the country I live in you can’t give kids a hypenated last name anymore… Even if the parents decide to hypenate their names, the kids only get one last name and the parents have to decide whether it will be the mom’s or dad’s.
Post # 13
I’m a hyphenated bee!
My parents hyphenated when my mum was pregnant with me and after some family arguements (blah blah) changed their names to Mr. and Mrs. Mum’sMaiden-Dad’sName.
Just to make it more complicated, my dad’s name isn’t his birth surname, my grandmother remarried after my grandfather died, meaning my dad and brother’s had their names changed (they were 13years old and younger).
Through school I didn’t like being hyphenated, or ‘double-barrelled’ as it is in UK. I was picked on, and called ‘posh’ because of it.
Now I love it, and I am the only person in the world with my name which I love. However, my SO is a Smith. Hell no am I going from completely unique to Mrs. Smith…!
We’re going to hyphenate with my mum’s maiden so we’re Mr. and Mrs. FirstPartOfMyMaiden-HisName. It’s not quite so unique, but we both break (or dodge) the Smith boat, and get a unique-ish names just for us.
BTW: not dissing any Smiths out there! It’s just not for us 🙂
Post # 14
titianjenn: I have to say I’m not keen on hypenated names. What if you keep your maiden name as a middle name? I just can’t imagine your kids someday and what if they marry someone with a hypenated name??
Your child: Sally Vanderbaan-Friapowski marries Steve Stepanopolis-Polanski so then they become Mr and Mrs Vanderbaan-Friapowski-Stepanopolis-Polanski? Even with just one name (Stepanopolis) added it’s a lot.
Post # 15
I’d like to echo all of the issues people brought up about hyphenating. My maiden name is hyphenated and it is such a pain spelling it on the phone (and it’s only 4+8 letters!), filling out forms with limited spaces, trying to remember where I had to use a hyphen/space/no space/only 1 of the names (and which one!). It hasn’t been an issue so far, but every time I fly I worry that there will be some issue with the fact that my passport/license has my name hyphenated and the airlines stick the whole thing together as one word on the ticket.
I’m kind of used to it now, but be prepared for an adjustment if you do it! And I’d really recommend giving your kids just 1 of the names as a last name. A lot of the students I teach have a ‘family’ name as a middle name, so that’s an option if you really don’t want to drop one for them!